Hmmm yeah
Well idk, i've been thinking a lot lately, and still am so confused. I've been thinking lately like wow i'm so glad i'm young, because i've gone through so many ups and downs, fucked up and done so much shit, and in reality who cares i'm turning 17 in a month and have so much more time that i'm going to most likely be on this planet for. I mean fucking just think about it. I know what it's like to love, be happy, sad, depressed, angry, suicidal, caring, a best friend etc. so don't fucking ever tell me i don't understand what you're going through. Because i do. Lately though i feel as if i've lost so much over the course of a year but everything i lost is still around to haunt me, and hardly anyone can understand anything. I can care so much for something, someone, but yet they're not there when i need them or when i need there help with something. Is it too little to ask. Does a hug or something nice mean i hate you? and why is everyone in such a rush all the time? I hate when people ask me the same questions to me all the time expecting i'll give a different answer everytime. That's the definition of crazy doing the same thing expexcting different results... Ironic. What are you doing with your life, why did you do that or why are you doing that? idk. Like i'm supposed to give some great answer all the time or i'm supposed to know when i didn't really start caring about anything until like fucking 4 years ago when my life seemed to totally change, and i'm the one that's fucking nuts? I have a girl that fucking hates me cause i care about her, a dad that gets so fed up with me it's not even funny, because i have no idea what i'm doing with myself. A sister who constantly thinks she can tell me what to do when she doesn't even have her own head screwed on all the way. Like fuck! I barely even know what the fuck i'm talking about right or if any of this has anything to do with shit. All i know is that i don't know, and i wish i had some type of clue as to what's going on. I feel like words and thoughts are getting put straight into my brain constantly. and i just think it's fucked up when you know exactly what is going on and what's right and everyone is telling you you're fucked up when they're the ones making shit up, or telling you that you're wrong. Fuck it. I don't even know what to write anymore. Sorry for being down.