Hopes and Dreams

[gryphan]

Hope is a fool's pride. Dreamers are people who haven't yet realized they are complete failures. What is the point of hope in a world that seeks only to crush the spirit out of everyone, for a broken soul is a compliant one, one that will do only what it is told, without resistance. To do only what one is "supposed" to do. To rebel is disaster. To dream of better things is all well and good, but is unrealistic. Hope will just make the end all the more bitter.  I realize that all the hopes I've held, all the dreams I've carried for most of my life, they are but pipe dreams, and they are all falling away, bit by bit, like sand through my fingers. The harder I try, the more I realize the impossibility of every thing I've ever longed for. I am stuck. Plodding away with no sign of getting any where. The only thing that keeps me going is my mate, but even that relationship is doomed to forever be a long-distance one, but it's the best I can hope for. And, indeed, is all that keeps me getting out of bed on a regular basis.
I hate this. I hate feeling like this. Every week it seems to get harder to shake off. I know I'll keep trying to get somewhere, but the goal is getting less clear. One step forward, ten leaps backwards. Is life supposed to be this fucking difficult?