Memories...tripping down that lane.
Time seems to swirl and sway, passing through and by us as we move from birth to the end of our time. Sometimes it moves so fast we can't seem to keep up, other times it swirls so slow we can't imagine how we will keep our (in)sanity. Sometimes it has a way of swaying back from the past to remind us of things we forget, doesn't matter if we would rather not remember or wish we could, it just happens. Tonight has done that to me...a seemingly innocent question on a community I read reminded me of a tv show my older brother and I use to watch on the front room floor with mom and dad and the following Saturday we would assume roles from the show. Jimmy always played the bad guy and I was always Mannix. This was before my younger brother was born, so something like 1967-68. *wow* Just thought of that...40 years...how hard it is to think of that kind of time has passed.
Where does it go...I really miss my brother...I know I never talked much about him...who am I kidding, I don't talk much, especially here. Almost 3 1/2 years has passed since he died and while most of the time I remember without thoughts of emotion I know most of those thoughts are on the older Jimmy, the Jimmy I saw rarely or really knew...tonight though I am remember young Jimmy...the Jimmy who once tried to play Tarzan on our bunk beds, tying a sheet to the top bunk and swinging until the knot came undone and he broke his arm...the young Jimmy who played Mannix with me, or Gunsmoke. Jimmy had a room upstairs in the house, the room across the hallway was used for storage, it was the perfect place to play Mannix as Mannix moved through some storage warehouse. It later became my room after our younger brother Marc was born.
Friday nights were always kind of special...we didn't have alot, but the parents always made it so it didn't matter. Pizza or if money was tight homemade fudge and popcorn was the big thing on Friday nights...we'd sit on the front room floor or lay on it, watching whatever was on the 4 channels we got back then and enjoy the treats watched tv and spent time together as a family. Halloween and Christmas was always special...not for the candy or toys but the time we spent together, the feelings of belonging, of safety and security. Don Knots in The Ghost and Mr. Chicken, Its the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown, Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer, Santa Claus is Coming to Town, Frosty the Snowman, The Little Drummer Boy...So many special shows...helping to create special memories. And don't forget the cute little Santa riding on the Norelco razor sliding up and down the snowy hills!
Jimmy and I never seem to see eye to eye after puberty hit him. Not that I knew what was going on, I just knew I missed him and the resentment for being left out probably helped to fuel those few scrapes we did get into. Course looking back at his life (as I know it) I am glad I wasn't involved in a lot of the things he did back then...He was always the cool one, I was always the wall-flower...As Bill Engvall put it I was/am a dork, just 15 degrees off cool. *laugh* Course being the cool one, he was into some drugs...what kinds and how much I have no idea other then Alcohol and Pot...he'd take the car dad got for him/'us' to drive and be gone for days.
It wasn't until his funeral that one of the older boys we grew up with in Church told us that Jimmy had always said he didn't want to live life like our father...Though he did suffer with the disease for a number of years. But that is just another example of how different he and I was, he would have rather not been born then live with the disease and I love breathing so much I can't think of a time I would rather just die then go through something unpleasant.
This past Dec. 7th, I celebrated my 45th birthday and tonight has me reflecting on that as well...I am now the age my brother was when he died...Don't get the wrong idea here, I do not think I am going to die this year...its just that after this year...I am no longer following his steps...his steps end and God willing mine will continue for many, many more years. I will no longer be in his shadow in life, well other then in our dad's eye. I have been an older brother for many years...soon I will be the oldest and while I know my younger brothers don't need me in that kind of capacity anymore it still seems to carry some responsibility beyond just being an older brother.
Jimmy and his first wife had 3 daughters, one right after the other, about 14 months between the first two and 12 months to the day between the 2nd and 3rd. I was gone in the service for a big chunk of the girl's life and I think that plus that I was so young in mind back then that I was not the uncle to them that I should have been...and nothing will ever relieve me of the feelings of guilt of not being a better uncle to them. Those 3 girls went through some serious hell growing up. My parent's did their best for the girls, even taking them in and raising them for a number of years...one has moved to Tennesse another we never hear from unless she wants something, and the 3rd (2nd oldest) has turned out so well. There is no one I could ever be more proud of then Laura.
Well I have been at this for 1 1/2 hours...so many things keep coming to mind and I should let you get back to something more interesting. Good night, God bless!
Where does it go...I really miss my brother...I know I never talked much about him...who am I kidding, I don't talk much, especially here. Almost 3 1/2 years has passed since he died and while most of the time I remember without thoughts of emotion I know most of those thoughts are on the older Jimmy, the Jimmy I saw rarely or really knew...tonight though I am remember young Jimmy...the Jimmy who once tried to play Tarzan on our bunk beds, tying a sheet to the top bunk and swinging until the knot came undone and he broke his arm...the young Jimmy who played Mannix with me, or Gunsmoke. Jimmy had a room upstairs in the house, the room across the hallway was used for storage, it was the perfect place to play Mannix as Mannix moved through some storage warehouse. It later became my room after our younger brother Marc was born.
Friday nights were always kind of special...we didn't have alot, but the parents always made it so it didn't matter. Pizza or if money was tight homemade fudge and popcorn was the big thing on Friday nights...we'd sit on the front room floor or lay on it, watching whatever was on the 4 channels we got back then and enjoy the treats watched tv and spent time together as a family. Halloween and Christmas was always special...not for the candy or toys but the time we spent together, the feelings of belonging, of safety and security. Don Knots in The Ghost and Mr. Chicken, Its the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown, Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer, Santa Claus is Coming to Town, Frosty the Snowman, The Little Drummer Boy...So many special shows...helping to create special memories. And don't forget the cute little Santa riding on the Norelco razor sliding up and down the snowy hills!
Jimmy and I never seem to see eye to eye after puberty hit him. Not that I knew what was going on, I just knew I missed him and the resentment for being left out probably helped to fuel those few scrapes we did get into. Course looking back at his life (as I know it) I am glad I wasn't involved in a lot of the things he did back then...He was always the cool one, I was always the wall-flower...As Bill Engvall put it I was/am a dork, just 15 degrees off cool. *laugh* Course being the cool one, he was into some drugs...what kinds and how much I have no idea other then Alcohol and Pot...he'd take the car dad got for him/'us' to drive and be gone for days.
It wasn't until his funeral that one of the older boys we grew up with in Church told us that Jimmy had always said he didn't want to live life like our father...Though he did suffer with the disease for a number of years. But that is just another example of how different he and I was, he would have rather not been born then live with the disease and I love breathing so much I can't think of a time I would rather just die then go through something unpleasant.
This past Dec. 7th, I celebrated my 45th birthday and tonight has me reflecting on that as well...I am now the age my brother was when he died...Don't get the wrong idea here, I do not think I am going to die this year...its just that after this year...I am no longer following his steps...his steps end and God willing mine will continue for many, many more years. I will no longer be in his shadow in life, well other then in our dad's eye. I have been an older brother for many years...soon I will be the oldest and while I know my younger brothers don't need me in that kind of capacity anymore it still seems to carry some responsibility beyond just being an older brother.
Jimmy and his first wife had 3 daughters, one right after the other, about 14 months between the first two and 12 months to the day between the 2nd and 3rd. I was gone in the service for a big chunk of the girl's life and I think that plus that I was so young in mind back then that I was not the uncle to them that I should have been...and nothing will ever relieve me of the feelings of guilt of not being a better uncle to them. Those 3 girls went through some serious hell growing up. My parent's did their best for the girls, even taking them in and raising them for a number of years...one has moved to Tennesse another we never hear from unless she wants something, and the 3rd (2nd oldest) has turned out so well. There is no one I could ever be more proud of then Laura.
Well I have been at this for 1 1/2 hours...so many things keep coming to mind and I should let you get back to something more interesting. Good night, God bless!