Buffy Fanfic
Title: Crystal Clear
Rating: PG
Summary: With bad timing of epic proportion, Buffy waits until Angel and Cordy have gotten together before asking Spike to go back to Rome with her. 950 words.
Author’s Note: This is a snippet of an argument between Spike and Buffy in my post-NFA verse, in which the PTB have brought Cordelia back to life as a reward for Angel defeating W&H. The argument is seriously media res and has no real beginning and no real resolution because while I know what happens in my post-NFA verse…I haven’t actually written it. This is just an argument that popped into my head and demanded to be written, and it would fit into that post-NFA fic somewhere.
Disclaimer: BtVS and all its characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, etc.
“And Angel’s with Cordelia-”
“Oh!”
The outrage and pain in that single, thundered word made Buffy wince. Damn. She’d told herself to be careful about this topic and here she’d gone and blown it anyway.
“So now that Peaches is with the cheerleader and you can’t have him, I’m your consolation prize!”
“No!” She tried to sound as thunderous. It was better than sounding defensive. “You’re not a consolation prize! That isn’t what I meant!”
“Really? Cause it sounds that way from where I’m standing!”
“No, would you just-!” She made an angry, frustrated noise that hopefully conveyed how stupid he was being. “Shut up, Spike, just shut up for once in your life and let me explain!”
He still opened his mouth because heaven forbid he ever actually shut it when someone asked him to, but she talked over him.
“Let’s pretend, for a second, that Cordelia is out of the picture. Yes, I could be happy with Angel. I love him, and I’m sure there are circumstances in which I could be in love with him again.” She derived a cruel dart of satisfaction at the pain that instantly crossed his face at her words. Served him right for being such a pain in the ass.
“But it would never be perfect,” continued Buffy. “It would never be like it was when I was sixteen.” He snorted, and she raised her voice. “And you know why? Because of you.”
Nothing but silence from Spike, which was almost as frustrating as when he wouldn’t shut up. She wondered if he was remembering the same thing she was: “Because of you. Because of the strength you gave me last night.” He certainly wore the same shell-shocked look he’d worn that time. And maybe there was a bit of belligerence, too, a bit of fear, like he wasn’t sure he wanted to hear where she was going with this.
Buffy wet her lips. “We never really had a…relationship, you know? Not a normal one, with love and cuddling and dates and- and everything.” Not that her relationship with Angel had been exactly normal. And not that the lack of normalcy with Spike was exactly Spike’s fault. But she could see his eyes growing wider, and she knew she was on the right track.
“And if I were with Angel, I would always wonder, what if? What if you and I could have an actual, normal relationship? You’d be my baggage, and so Angel and I could never be what we used to be. But if you and I were…”
She couldn’t help but pause to swallow, her heart flip-flopping in her chest. Again, Spike didn’t take advantage and fill the silence, which just made the flip-flopping worse. He was doing that thing where his head cocked and he looked at her more intently than anyone else ever had, like what she was going to say next was the most important thing in the world, like it would define his world. It was the look he’d given her when she’d called him a dope, after he’d confessed his feelings and asked if she was there with him. She’d used to hate the way he looked at her, the way he, an evil vampire, seemed to shove responsibility for his happiness on her. And now…now it made her knees feel a bit wobbly and her heart race faster.
“I think it- I think we could be good.” Her voice trembled unexpectedly; god, she hated being this open with people. "I’ve given Angel up before. I know what it’s like to lose him, and I’ve done it willingly and so if you and I were together…I wouldn’t wonder, you know? There wouldn’t be baggage.” She could feel herself blushing, and she hugged herself because if she had to be this honest aloud, she had to close herself off somewhere.
“And that’s why, even if Cordelia were still dead, I don’t think Angel and I would work out. I’m not saying that we would work out either,” she added quickly, because she saw hope flare in his eyes and she knew she had to crush it before it overwhelmed her. They had to be on equal footing here. “But I think I’d want to try. Because I know I can give up Angel. But I don’t know if I can give up you.”
She finished softly, suddenly exhausted and feeling overwhelmed anyway. Self-consciousness stole over her, like it always did when she talked about her feelings, and it took every ounce of self-will she had to look at him instead of at the floor.
Spike wasn’t smiling. He seemed to be beyond smiling, his blue eyes burning into her (and they seemed a bit watery), his fists clenched at his sides, and his entire body trembling, vibrating, as though he could barely contain whatever he felt. His lips trembled a bit, too, and she knew, suddenly, that what he was struggling to contain was joy.
Maybe it was worth it being this open, every once in a while.
“So Cordelia being alive and with Angel is really just icing on the cake,” said Buffy numbly, not really sure what she was saying anymore but knowing that she had already said the right thing. “It makes everything crystal clear.”
Rating: PG
Summary: With bad timing of epic proportion, Buffy waits until Angel and Cordy have gotten together before asking Spike to go back to Rome with her. 950 words.
Author’s Note: This is a snippet of an argument between Spike and Buffy in my post-NFA verse, in which the PTB have brought Cordelia back to life as a reward for Angel defeating W&H. The argument is seriously media res and has no real beginning and no real resolution because while I know what happens in my post-NFA verse…I haven’t actually written it. This is just an argument that popped into my head and demanded to be written, and it would fit into that post-NFA fic somewhere.
Disclaimer: BtVS and all its characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, etc.
“And Angel’s with Cordelia-”
“Oh!”
The outrage and pain in that single, thundered word made Buffy wince. Damn. She’d told herself to be careful about this topic and here she’d gone and blown it anyway.
“So now that Peaches is with the cheerleader and you can’t have him, I’m your consolation prize!”
“No!” She tried to sound as thunderous. It was better than sounding defensive. “You’re not a consolation prize! That isn’t what I meant!”
“Really? Cause it sounds that way from where I’m standing!”
“No, would you just-!” She made an angry, frustrated noise that hopefully conveyed how stupid he was being. “Shut up, Spike, just shut up for once in your life and let me explain!”
He still opened his mouth because heaven forbid he ever actually shut it when someone asked him to, but she talked over him.
“Let’s pretend, for a second, that Cordelia is out of the picture. Yes, I could be happy with Angel. I love him, and I’m sure there are circumstances in which I could be in love with him again.” She derived a cruel dart of satisfaction at the pain that instantly crossed his face at her words. Served him right for being such a pain in the ass.
“But it would never be perfect,” continued Buffy. “It would never be like it was when I was sixteen.” He snorted, and she raised her voice. “And you know why? Because of you.”
Nothing but silence from Spike, which was almost as frustrating as when he wouldn’t shut up. She wondered if he was remembering the same thing she was: “Because of you. Because of the strength you gave me last night.” He certainly wore the same shell-shocked look he’d worn that time. And maybe there was a bit of belligerence, too, a bit of fear, like he wasn’t sure he wanted to hear where she was going with this.
Buffy wet her lips. “We never really had a…relationship, you know? Not a normal one, with love and cuddling and dates and- and everything.” Not that her relationship with Angel had been exactly normal. And not that the lack of normalcy with Spike was exactly Spike’s fault. But she could see his eyes growing wider, and she knew she was on the right track.
“And if I were with Angel, I would always wonder, what if? What if you and I could have an actual, normal relationship? You’d be my baggage, and so Angel and I could never be what we used to be. But if you and I were…”
She couldn’t help but pause to swallow, her heart flip-flopping in her chest. Again, Spike didn’t take advantage and fill the silence, which just made the flip-flopping worse. He was doing that thing where his head cocked and he looked at her more intently than anyone else ever had, like what she was going to say next was the most important thing in the world, like it would define his world. It was the look he’d given her when she’d called him a dope, after he’d confessed his feelings and asked if she was there with him. She’d used to hate the way he looked at her, the way he, an evil vampire, seemed to shove responsibility for his happiness on her. And now…now it made her knees feel a bit wobbly and her heart race faster.
“I think it- I think we could be good.” Her voice trembled unexpectedly; god, she hated being this open with people. "I’ve given Angel up before. I know what it’s like to lose him, and I’ve done it willingly and so if you and I were together…I wouldn’t wonder, you know? There wouldn’t be baggage.” She could feel herself blushing, and she hugged herself because if she had to be this honest aloud, she had to close herself off somewhere.
“And that’s why, even if Cordelia were still dead, I don’t think Angel and I would work out. I’m not saying that we would work out either,” she added quickly, because she saw hope flare in his eyes and she knew she had to crush it before it overwhelmed her. They had to be on equal footing here. “But I think I’d want to try. Because I know I can give up Angel. But I don’t know if I can give up you.”
She finished softly, suddenly exhausted and feeling overwhelmed anyway. Self-consciousness stole over her, like it always did when she talked about her feelings, and it took every ounce of self-will she had to look at him instead of at the floor.
Spike wasn’t smiling. He seemed to be beyond smiling, his blue eyes burning into her (and they seemed a bit watery), his fists clenched at his sides, and his entire body trembling, vibrating, as though he could barely contain whatever he felt. His lips trembled a bit, too, and she knew, suddenly, that what he was struggling to contain was joy.
Maybe it was worth it being this open, every once in a while.
“So Cordelia being alive and with Angel is really just icing on the cake,” said Buffy numbly, not really sure what she was saying anymore but knowing that she had already said the right thing. “It makes everything crystal clear.”