(no subject)
Yeah, after 4 years and 3 months, Kim and I broke up last Sunday. We had been seriously considering it for a week or so, and sort of mutually agreed that it was for the best. It really, really hurts, and I miss her SO much. But we weren't happy together, and the things I didn't like about her weren't things that I would ask her to change - we're just incompatible. She on the other hand, kept trying to get me to take anti-depressants, and I just got more and more uncomfortable, both with the idea of doing so, and her persistence. It was the only idea she could come up with for saving the relationship, and that was just too much pressure for me.
I had always felt a little unprepared for how serious we were. When we met, I was in a very dark place, and I didn't even know who I was, let alone who I wanted to be with. Nevertheless, I stayed with her, because I saw many strengths in her that I really admired. I figured, well, I'm not ready, but when the right one comes along, frickin' go get her anyway. The problem with that was that I didn't know who the right one was. I was also very lonely and depressed, and eager to be with someone. So that's how things began. We managed to stay together for 4 years because we worked HARD on the relationship, and got close a couple of times to where we thought we wanted to be, in terms of contentment with the relationship. In the end, and throughout the relationship (with its several almost-breakups), I just got the feeling that too much compromise was necessary for things to work. And that feeling was solitified when it all came down to me needing pills to be the right mate for Kim. I feel that "For better or worse" does NOT equal "For better or pills." I might be depressed, I might not. But trying them to save the relationship just totally goes against my principles.
Anyways, I'm ok. Emotionally pretty numb, but I'm going to be fine.
I had always felt a little unprepared for how serious we were. When we met, I was in a very dark place, and I didn't even know who I was, let alone who I wanted to be with. Nevertheless, I stayed with her, because I saw many strengths in her that I really admired. I figured, well, I'm not ready, but when the right one comes along, frickin' go get her anyway. The problem with that was that I didn't know who the right one was. I was also very lonely and depressed, and eager to be with someone. So that's how things began. We managed to stay together for 4 years because we worked HARD on the relationship, and got close a couple of times to where we thought we wanted to be, in terms of contentment with the relationship. In the end, and throughout the relationship (with its several almost-breakups), I just got the feeling that too much compromise was necessary for things to work. And that feeling was solitified when it all came down to me needing pills to be the right mate for Kim. I feel that "For better or worse" does NOT equal "For better or pills." I might be depressed, I might not. But trying them to save the relationship just totally goes against my principles.
Anyways, I'm ok. Emotionally pretty numb, but I'm going to be fine.