crazy
I seriously feel like I am losing my mind. I can't imagine it is easy being my family these days. One minute I am all sweetness and light, using my words and being all calm and shit. Then the next my head flips open and I am screaming like a crazy person. I stress out about things all crazy. Next day I am all, just roll with it...it's cool. I am trying to figure out why it is happening and I have no idea. I know I had a baby so I get all messed up hormonally, but she is 7 months old now. Then I think, maybe I am PMSing or something. But I don't know.
I wish I could just figure out how to balance this shit so I am a little less crazy. Something to make this work better.
If I go on meds I will probably have to quit nursing, which would suck because I love nursing her. Plus formula is expensive and not as good for her. But is it good for her to have a crazy person as a mother? I don't know. Then I think maybe I just need to do something non-chemical and see if that helps. Like scheduled time to myself, or going back to work or something. But then I think about the stress that would actually cause because of finding someone to watch the girls and the expense of it.
I have no idea what to do. And it seems like it comes down to me figuring it out, but I just don't know how to do that right now.
I spose getting some sleep might help, but I have no idea how to do that either.
Fuck.
I wish I could just figure out how to balance this shit so I am a little less crazy. Something to make this work better.
If I go on meds I will probably have to quit nursing, which would suck because I love nursing her. Plus formula is expensive and not as good for her. But is it good for her to have a crazy person as a mother? I don't know. Then I think maybe I just need to do something non-chemical and see if that helps. Like scheduled time to myself, or going back to work or something. But then I think about the stress that would actually cause because of finding someone to watch the girls and the expense of it.
I have no idea what to do. And it seems like it comes down to me figuring it out, but I just don't know how to do that right now.
I spose getting some sleep might help, but I have no idea how to do that either.
Fuck.