All I want to do is sleep
Uch. I feel like shit. I don't think I'm sick-it's probably just because I'm in a really bad mood again. I don't want to be here. I know it wouldn't feel right to be at home either, but I'm just not happy. It sucks. And it just makes me feel more terrible that I'm like this. I want to be able to handle this. I want to be the type of person that makes friends easily and fits in everywhere, but I'm not. And I don't want everyone to worry about me or anything...so I probably shouldn't advertise it on livejournal or anything-I just needed to let it all out somehow-anyway...yeah. I don't want my parents to think that I can't handle it-even though I don't know if I can right now. But I'm afraid that I'm going to break down when they're here tomorrow.
I mean, there are nice people and everything here, I just still feel...uch. My whole section is really funny and everything, but they're all upperclassmen and whatnot, so they already all know each other and everything and I just feel weird. They all think I'm the quietest person in the world and that I never talk. Oh well.
There are a couple of freshman that I've met in band that are pretty nice. I talked to them at first because I had met one of them at preview and she's a presidential scholar too, so we walked from our dorm to practice and such. But yeah. I don't know.
Practice tonight sucked. I think I'm regretting my decision to do marching band. It's such a huge time commitment, there's so much work involved, and I only get one credit for it. It's not like I'm going to be some sort of music major either. A lot of the people there are just there because they're doing music ed or something and they're required to take two years of marching band. But we did all of pre-game drill with music today, and I sucked. I don't know the music yet and I was getting yelled at and run over and...uch. It brought back bad memories from Guardsmen. And I realized how much time band's really going to take up. I already have so many conflicts with it-even from just this week. Uch. I don't know what to do. And apparently we have Saturday rehearsals that take up almost all day too. So, I won't be able to visit people or anything for pretty much all of first semester, and no one's gonna wanna visit me if I can't do anything all day. I think I'd rather just be free.
I think maybe I should just get some sleep or something. Maybe that will make me feel at least a little better. I do not want to wake up to go to practice again so early tomorrow morning. My back is killing me, my arms are dead, and my lips are blown. If I thought I was tired and sucked at everything today, tomorrow's gonna be even worse. :o( Uch. I need to stop bitching and just leave the computer or something. Goodnight.
I mean, there are nice people and everything here, I just still feel...uch. My whole section is really funny and everything, but they're all upperclassmen and whatnot, so they already all know each other and everything and I just feel weird. They all think I'm the quietest person in the world and that I never talk. Oh well.
There are a couple of freshman that I've met in band that are pretty nice. I talked to them at first because I had met one of them at preview and she's a presidential scholar too, so we walked from our dorm to practice and such. But yeah. I don't know.
Practice tonight sucked. I think I'm regretting my decision to do marching band. It's such a huge time commitment, there's so much work involved, and I only get one credit for it. It's not like I'm going to be some sort of music major either. A lot of the people there are just there because they're doing music ed or something and they're required to take two years of marching band. But we did all of pre-game drill with music today, and I sucked. I don't know the music yet and I was getting yelled at and run over and...uch. It brought back bad memories from Guardsmen. And I realized how much time band's really going to take up. I already have so many conflicts with it-even from just this week. Uch. I don't know what to do. And apparently we have Saturday rehearsals that take up almost all day too. So, I won't be able to visit people or anything for pretty much all of first semester, and no one's gonna wanna visit me if I can't do anything all day. I think I'd rather just be free.
I think maybe I should just get some sleep or something. Maybe that will make me feel at least a little better. I do not want to wake up to go to practice again so early tomorrow morning. My back is killing me, my arms are dead, and my lips are blown. If I thought I was tired and sucked at everything today, tomorrow's gonna be even worse. :o( Uch. I need to stop bitching and just leave the computer or something. Goodnight.