Finito Bitches
All right, all right, Pesci is done with Ser Pokey's latest 500 page book which he wrapped up in a nice and neat 900 plus page cookbook. Oh the food, the food. So much of it, even reading a description of the best brown served in King's Landing seems like a chore. But I digress, we know this has been a criticism, throughout the series. It seems at times, Master Chef Gordon Hamsey would rather write a medieval cookbook than a medieval fantasy.
First I would like to say I enjoyed the book, I could not stop reading the book, yes it pissed me off at times, but I still enjoyed it.
But enough about all that, let's get to nuts and bolts of the book and the biggest problem I have with the whole thing; George's inability to close.
Like I said, I am finished with the book, so as a courtesy;
SPOLIERS, SPOILERS, SPOILERS OUT THE ASS
So on we go. I was never more pissed off than right after pages 915-916, The Big Shamu finally gives us, or maybe just me, what I wanted; Jon Snow leading a bunch of Wildings into the North to kick ass. Now it only took him almost the entire book to get us there, having spent a majority of our time on The Wall with Snow and his hemming and hawing about if he is doing the right thing - blah blah blah, this could have been wrapped up in two chapters and we could have spent the rest of our time kicking Bolton ass, but nooooooooooooooooooooo.
When something decent actually happens, His Nibs, decides to have the black brothers kill another Lord Commander, who also happens my favorite character along with Arya. But we all know he won't die, otherwise George wasted the last fifteen years of our lives developing a character central to the entire plot of the series. I mean it wasn't like he was bumping off the Martell kid. So I guess Mel will raise him up from the dead, everyone will see it and become converts to the Lord of Light. Is Chubs fooling us at this point? Not really. Why leave us with a cliffhanger that pisses us all off? Leave me with Jon strapping is on and ready to march - bullshit Chubs, bullshit.
The thing that bugs me most about the whole stabbing thing, it that we finally had a main character actually doing something important. Unlike Dany, he made a major decision. Dany was a waste of time, the characters actually doing things in the city of Meereen were the Martell kid and Selmy later on in the book. And then in the last Dany chapter The Great Hambino (thank you Sandlot), basically resets her character. He ends it with her, a dragon, and a Khalasar of unbelievers who I am sure will fall in line thanks to Drogon.
I think the spirit of Robert Jordan has taken over at times, too much talkie and not enough walkie.
If you haven't read the whole book and still reading this blog, I'll save you some time by giving you everything you need to know about the chapters involving Dany;
Grey Worm - “ Mother, three more freedmen where killed last night”
Dany - “Murdered? By the Sons of the Harpy?”
Grey Worm- “ No eaten by your dragons. Yes, the Sons of the Harpy”
Reznak - “ You must marry a Great Master to appease the people, oh and Hizdahr is here”
Dany - “Hizdahr. He just wants me to re-open the fighting pits. I won't have people killing each-other”
Reznak - “The people want the pits and Hizdahr would make you a fine husband. Oh yeah, the Yunkian army is surrounding our walls ready to slaughter us and enslave everyone.”
Marry Hizdahr. Oh my Daario where are you? I should never have sent you away.
Selmy - “ Warships have entered the harbor my Lady, we will not be able to get any supplies.”
Groleo “Yeah all those ships the pirate left us have been burned. Why don't you unleash your dragons on the warships?”
Dany “My children would not all have fit on those ships anyway, I can't leave my children and my dragons are too unpredictable”
Groleo “ but you are the Queen of Dragons, I thought the plan was to kick ass to Westeros with dragons and take over the iron throne. Am I right?”
Dany - “ I am just a young girl unwise in the ways of war and strategy.” Oh my Daario, I need you.
"What should we do Ser Barristan?”
Selmy - “Attack”
Shavepate “Attack”
Grey Worm “Attack”
Reznak “Attack”
Groleo “Attack”
Dany- “ Oh I don't know.”
Brown Ben - “Then you are a dumbass.”
Irri -” It is known”
Jhiqui - “It is known
That night Irri brought Dany roasted goat topped with honey and cloves, but she could scarce eat a bite.
Daario was coming back soon, what tokar should I where? But he likes my silks. Too bad he too low born. I think I am going to go spin in circles now.....la la la la la la la lal a .
That's pretty much it. Thanks for coming out Dany.
Basically we had to rely on Stannis and the Golden Company to move the story forward. And is Stannis dead? No way. We get that from a letter to Jon Snow? Come on, pointless drivel. Now while I do believe General George S. Fatton (great one, come on pretty good), has a serious inability to write a battle scene, he wouldn't kill off Stannis without us being there. An Asha chapter, witnessing the slaughter or something. Coke on Twinkie Lover....too many cliffhangers for one book.
Anyway, the reset in the epilogue was fine. Varys going on his killing spree to continue the chaos, fine whatever, it's all good.
The good news is that HBO said that as long as the Big Tuna is writing the books, they will continue the series. Will HBO wait 10 years for seasons 5 and 6 to be written? ( I say 5/6 because Feast and Dance are supposed to be along the same timeline, say good bye to most of Feast in season 4).
I think not, so Winter may be coming for George sooner than he would like. But I'm not worried, Rumple Pigskins said books 4 and 5 where the hardest part of the series, so The Wolves of Winter should be right around the corner........wait for it........wait for it.........hahahahahahahahahahahahaha. I must be drunk.
Thanks all and enjoy the book.