my first time
the first entry on a fresh, new blog. *sniff*... ahhhh.
i felt the need to have a journal dedicated solely to my experience as wife of my husband, a transman. i want a place to sound off about various topics and hopefully process those things with others who are encountering similar issues (or have in the past).
here's my story:
my partner/husband (still haven't begun calling him my "husband" all the time yet) and i met january of 2005 and fell in love shortly thereafter. we dated for a year until he proposed and i accepted. we got married in toronto august of 2006 and moved into an apartment in nj, where we've been ever since. for clarification, i did not know he was planning to transition from female to male until april of 2007. so we were married before that.
when he told me, i was somewhat surprised but not blown away by the news. i had some idea that he was trans, and was definitely genderqueer; what i sensed was that he was never really female but i didn't see him as male, either. my reaction to his news was to support him and stick around, regardless of the fact that i identified as lesbian for half my life. i love him - his mind, his soul, his personality. certain physical features. no, i am not going anywhere.
of course, this doesn't mean things aren't difficult. they certainly are! we're in couples counseling and i'm on a mission to better understand masculinities theory. (any advice, recommendations?) seems i have biases against men and masculinity in general because i dated women for so long i never had to work that stuff out, or avoided it. i'm pretty sure i'm pansexual (don't like "bisexual" - too binaried), which is ok by me, just sort of new. and odd that i was so married to the lesbian identity that i effectively cut off my attraction to men. interesting stuff, i think.
anyway, here's my 25 cent introduction. i hope to gain some community on here and help to support others. peace.
i felt the need to have a journal dedicated solely to my experience as wife of my husband, a transman. i want a place to sound off about various topics and hopefully process those things with others who are encountering similar issues (or have in the past).
here's my story:
my partner/husband (still haven't begun calling him my "husband" all the time yet) and i met january of 2005 and fell in love shortly thereafter. we dated for a year until he proposed and i accepted. we got married in toronto august of 2006 and moved into an apartment in nj, where we've been ever since. for clarification, i did not know he was planning to transition from female to male until april of 2007. so we were married before that.
when he told me, i was somewhat surprised but not blown away by the news. i had some idea that he was trans, and was definitely genderqueer; what i sensed was that he was never really female but i didn't see him as male, either. my reaction to his news was to support him and stick around, regardless of the fact that i identified as lesbian for half my life. i love him - his mind, his soul, his personality. certain physical features. no, i am not going anywhere.
of course, this doesn't mean things aren't difficult. they certainly are! we're in couples counseling and i'm on a mission to better understand masculinities theory. (any advice, recommendations?) seems i have biases against men and masculinity in general because i dated women for so long i never had to work that stuff out, or avoided it. i'm pretty sure i'm pansexual (don't like "bisexual" - too binaried), which is ok by me, just sort of new. and odd that i was so married to the lesbian identity that i effectively cut off my attraction to men. interesting stuff, i think.
anyway, here's my 25 cent introduction. i hope to gain some community on here and help to support others. peace.