Entry Two: Day One (Of Landels: Damned)

Oct 07, 2006 23:28

Despite what all of my fellow patients have told me, I am beginning to doubt whether this Institute might not be a part of the NESTs cartel after all. The emphasis on apparent happiness and the demeanor of the staff certainly matches with what I have learned about the organization, and whoever is behind the intercom certainly has a god complex equal to that of Igniz himself.

I am concerned about the change in routine, however. The showers were cut short today, and the nurses seemed anxious to reassure us that everything was going to be all right. "You're all going to be just fine," I believe the phrase was; would the orderly have said this if there wasn't something to fear?

Perhaps the inmates are-

Still, I'm concerned. Not just about the voice and its apparent power- control to the extent that it is boasting isn't something that anyone can possess- but about the fellow patients as well. All of them had to have been displaced, just as I have, and some have even more of a reason to return home than I do. Alphonse, for example; even if that was his brother that he embraced in the showers, would he truly be content to live out his days in this place? I doubt it; therefore, it is imperative that I find a way out and enable as many patients as possible to escape.

...just now, the memory of those three children came back to my mind. Were they patients as well? Or children that had gotten into that room by mistake? I hope that they were well and truly monsters, and that their human facade was nothing more than that. I can not afford to doubt myself here; even the moment's hesitation before I felt their touch draining me was nearly enough to kill me. If Alphonse hadn't helped to free me, I doubt I would have survived.

At the same time, I must not lose my honor or humanity. To do so would be to lose myself in the lust of Orochi... or worse, to become like my father. If such a thing were to happen, then I fear that the nature of this Institute would turn me into something even more horrific than those monsters.

I would not burden the other patients with my fears or doubts, however; nor do I wish to offer a vulnerability that others- particularly that Colonel- could exploit.

As a note to myself: during the showers, I noticed red lines on the Colonel's body. That, combined with his false eye, makes me wonder if he might not be an equivalent of those from 'His distant land'. At the least, it is obviously inhuman, which means that he has something to hide. I must ask Ophelia about this... or perhaps not, now that I think about it. She has her own plan, I can tell that, and giving her too much power at one time might prvent me from showing her the error of her ways. At the least, it is more difficult to argue against someone in a position of strength, as hers would no doubt be if she could manipulate the Colonel.

...The more I learn about those who have been imprisoned here with me, the more I wonder whether I can trust any of them. In any case, the complex play of emotions and alliances is something that I must tread very carefully if I'm going to get out of here alive, and I must no show undue trust to anyone. Even Alphonse admits that he has done terrible things in his past! Even if I can not hold her accountable, Ophelia is precisely the same way! Dias, Ansem, that replica... all of them seem to have something they are hiding from me, and I doubt that the revelations will be pleasant.

Not that I have room to speak, of course; my own secrets are no less damning than their own. So then, is there a reason for them to trust me? No, I would say not; perhaps it would be best for me to strike out on my own, as my father and sister would have wished it.

For now, I must continue on as I have been, and attempt to find more answers. Both about this Institute, and about my patients as a whole. There are simply too many doubts, too many questions, for me to decide a course right now. I do know one thing, however.

I shall not be forever imprisoned here. No matter what the puppet-master may wish of me.
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