Plans Change.
So, I had a great plan in my mind for my life, as far as the next couple years go at least. But plans change. I know what I want, what I'd like to just easily walk away from, but I've recently found that I can't do that. I cried at first, but have had a couple days to think about things. My life's never been easy, yet I am blessed with a lot more than most, so I realize I can't complain too much. It seems that most of the dreams I've had in my life have been either shot down from the beginning, or very difficult to achieve. Things have set me back, and somehow I always get through them. This past year has been more difficult then most. I just now feel I may be able to get through all this. There is a light shining somewhere that I can barely see, but I CAN see it. I am hoping and praying for some major changes in my life this coming year. Even if they come slowly and one loooong stride at a time. I got my heart set on something, and I'll try my hardest to keep it there. Focusing on what's most important to me, and taking my own advice in consideration is what I need to work on the most. I don't give myself enough credit. I doubt myself all the time, and am more willing to listen to others than my own self when it comes to something I'm not too sure about. Most of the time I end up following someone else's advice and realizing I should've followed my own.
My roommates will be moving out this weekend. I'm more happy than I thought I would be about this. I mean, they've never been a real hassle to me, but I just sit and think about how it was living by myself before they moved in, and smile. I have some ideas of what I'd like to do once they leave. hmmm.
This weekend I will be going to visit Mark (my step-dad) for the first time since my mom's funeral. More than likely, I will be given a lot of my mom's things to bring back with me. When I left the hotel for KC after my mom's death, 3 bags were given to me to take home. I kept those bags in the back seat of my car until last weekend, when I put them in my Aunt's basement. I don't know why, but I can't stand the thought of having her stuff in my house. It seems so definite I guess. Like she really isn't coming back. I know it's silly, but I'll have to get over it. I will accumulate more things this weekend and will HAVE to put them in my house. I will have to go back to my Aunt's (with some disappointing news) and get the bags I dropped off there and bring them back here. I can't ignore the fact that she's not here anymore. I can't just pretend like this all hasn't happened. It'd be nice, but it's not healthy, for anyone.
Mark has a bunch of people coming to stay at the hotel on Saturday and will probably need a lot of help, so I plan on going to help him out. Hopefully things go smoothly and I will get back here by the early evening on Saturday. I don't wanna stay there too long. Just over Friday night and into Saturday. I think that'll be long enough for him to feel good. I feel sorry for Mark 'cause my mom is pretty much all he had. Mark's always been a very independent person, but I know he misses her a lot. He has opened up to me in this past month more than he ever has before. I know that's hard for him to do, and I assume my mom's the only person he's ever opened up to like that before. I am happy I can be here for him if he needs to talk. On the other hand, he has a tendency to just want to argue and be angry towards people, which I won't stand for anymore. He used to not care if I was mad at him and wasn't talking to him. Now, anytime I act like I'm mad, he apologizes quickly and tries to patch things up. I'm guessing that has something to do with me being one of the 3 or 4 people left who tolerates him. Of all the cruddy things I've been through with that man, and all the stuff he says that just makes me queasy at times, I still love him. It's kinda weird. It's very weird. No one understands it, not even him.
Anyway, so now my life's hit another bump, and once again I'll have to find my way over it. What's a little strange about this bump, though, is that I'm a little excited about it. I'm excited to challenge myself and see how well I'll do. Changes aren't always bad. Right? Someone, please tell me I'm right?! :)
My roommates will be moving out this weekend. I'm more happy than I thought I would be about this. I mean, they've never been a real hassle to me, but I just sit and think about how it was living by myself before they moved in, and smile. I have some ideas of what I'd like to do once they leave. hmmm.
This weekend I will be going to visit Mark (my step-dad) for the first time since my mom's funeral. More than likely, I will be given a lot of my mom's things to bring back with me. When I left the hotel for KC after my mom's death, 3 bags were given to me to take home. I kept those bags in the back seat of my car until last weekend, when I put them in my Aunt's basement. I don't know why, but I can't stand the thought of having her stuff in my house. It seems so definite I guess. Like she really isn't coming back. I know it's silly, but I'll have to get over it. I will accumulate more things this weekend and will HAVE to put them in my house. I will have to go back to my Aunt's (with some disappointing news) and get the bags I dropped off there and bring them back here. I can't ignore the fact that she's not here anymore. I can't just pretend like this all hasn't happened. It'd be nice, but it's not healthy, for anyone.
Mark has a bunch of people coming to stay at the hotel on Saturday and will probably need a lot of help, so I plan on going to help him out. Hopefully things go smoothly and I will get back here by the early evening on Saturday. I don't wanna stay there too long. Just over Friday night and into Saturday. I think that'll be long enough for him to feel good. I feel sorry for Mark 'cause my mom is pretty much all he had. Mark's always been a very independent person, but I know he misses her a lot. He has opened up to me in this past month more than he ever has before. I know that's hard for him to do, and I assume my mom's the only person he's ever opened up to like that before. I am happy I can be here for him if he needs to talk. On the other hand, he has a tendency to just want to argue and be angry towards people, which I won't stand for anymore. He used to not care if I was mad at him and wasn't talking to him. Now, anytime I act like I'm mad, he apologizes quickly and tries to patch things up. I'm guessing that has something to do with me being one of the 3 or 4 people left who tolerates him. Of all the cruddy things I've been through with that man, and all the stuff he says that just makes me queasy at times, I still love him. It's kinda weird. It's very weird. No one understands it, not even him.
Anyway, so now my life's hit another bump, and once again I'll have to find my way over it. What's a little strange about this bump, though, is that I'm a little excited about it. I'm excited to challenge myself and see how well I'll do. Changes aren't always bad. Right? Someone, please tell me I'm right?! :)