(no subject)
the wide & the narrow.
It's amazing how hard it is sometimes to keep to the ways of God. It didn't used to feel this hard. I know it's because I'm actually headed in the right direction, no matter how loud I hear that negative voice in my ear that I'm making the wrong choices in life. That's why the voice is there; the enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy and telling me that I'm making a fool of myself is not beyond his means of doing so. When I'm doing all the right things and turning my back on everything that's wrong, of course the devil is going to be upset by this. But do some things have to hurt my heart as much as they do? Although when you think about it, I wonder how much it hurt Abraham's heart to willingly sacrifice his son, Isaac, to God. And just when the hardest moment came, God offered a way out to Abraham; an animal to sacrifice to God instead. God wanted to test the motives, purity, righteousness and obedience of Abraham's heart. Maybe that's what God is doing in me. However here comes that voice of negativity again; "God already knows how wicked you are. He ain't testing anything in you". I don't think I'm a wicked person. I think I live in self-condemnation. But I think God understands that to an extent. The last church I was involved in... it seemed that's all they ever told me; bad, bad, bad, horrible, horrible. I never did anything correct according to them and because of this, I still live in that mentality. But you can't really live life if you're stuck in the past, right? I'm trying not to be. I really, really am. Honestly, it just stinks to have a heart that hurts so much sometimes. And I pray with everything in me that God would give me a new heart; His heart, a heart that beats what He beats, lives what He lives, wants what He wants - a heart that is willing and able to follow His ways and run after God. I pray that it be done in the mighty name of Jesus, who had no other way out of sacrificing and gave Himself in every way over to this world so that me, little girl from Louisiana, would have life ever after and life more abundantly. How unworthy we are of God's love and of God's Son, but that doesn't stop God from loving us. And it most certainly didn't stop God from giving us His precious Jesus. So maybe it's time to grasp this freedom and instead of focusing on how rotten I am, focusing on the kingdom of God and getting to know God all over again. I pray that He would be closer than ever, that He would reveal more than ever and that I would know Him deeper than ever. Not only do I pray it for myself, but I pray it for you as well. I hope you open your heart to Him enough to let it be done.