Disney is a liaaaaaaar
I don't really expect anyone to care about what I have to say. I'm just babbling and read or not as you please, up to you. When I was a kid, I watched a lot of TV, as I'm sure most of us did. Movies, TV, media was the warm sweaty cocoon of my childhood. The ideas presented in the media, I as an impressionable young child, took in and held dear. That things, whatever you wanted, could be yours after a brief and righteous struggle. No one ever saw the hero losing, not for any great length of time. He might have a setback or two, but never for longer than an hour, or two if it was extra-specially difficult. And who would identify with the bad guys who lost? Of course we, the watchers, want to be like the heroes, the winners. So we want to get what we want, and believe that what we want can be ours with some effort and appropriate posing for whomever's viewing our life at the moment.
Guess what?
It doesn't fucking work that way.
Life is hard. Life is full of a lot more work than we ever learned on TV. Maybe I'm stupid and shallow for only realizing this at 24. When I was younger, I had a job that was virtually no effort-I worked under my father. I wish my parents had've made me get a job at McBurger or something similar so that I would know the pain and effort of hard fucking honest work instead of doing a desk job that I could just float along in. I wish they had've pushed me, I wish that I was either a little more or a little less intelligent. I am smart enough that I've never had to try at most mental excersizes I have undertook. I've almost always at least passed everything with virtually no effort. My lone exception would be Pre-calc back in high school, and also Chemestry, I got like a D minus in that class. But most other subjects I have been able to coast in, and I've missed out on a lot. Yeah I'm whining, No I don't really give a shit. I'm grumpy and pissy and well, you know, a free country? Or theoretically free anyways. I don't know how to get the fucking motiviation I need in life. I do a lot of talking and little action, and I've always been that way. Yeah I talk about changing myself, but there's a part of me that doesn't believe I ever will. That I'll always be in this fucking slough of despond and just not care enough to move myself out. I don't want to be this way and I should stop whining and do something about it. But I'm normal, so who knows if I will actually make an effort or not. This feeling of depression and despair will probably pass, but it helps to get it out of my head. I am sure that with the resuming of school, I will be occupied more, and thus less depressed. I want to work, I want to change, but does anyone believe in me? Does anyone really care? Yeah I suppose a few people do, but I push away people a lot and I'm too fucking stubborn to call on people most of the time when I need them. Gah.
Okay enough of this, I'm making myself even more depressed.
Guess what?
It doesn't fucking work that way.
Life is hard. Life is full of a lot more work than we ever learned on TV. Maybe I'm stupid and shallow for only realizing this at 24. When I was younger, I had a job that was virtually no effort-I worked under my father. I wish my parents had've made me get a job at McBurger or something similar so that I would know the pain and effort of hard fucking honest work instead of doing a desk job that I could just float along in. I wish they had've pushed me, I wish that I was either a little more or a little less intelligent. I am smart enough that I've never had to try at most mental excersizes I have undertook. I've almost always at least passed everything with virtually no effort. My lone exception would be Pre-calc back in high school, and also Chemestry, I got like a D minus in that class. But most other subjects I have been able to coast in, and I've missed out on a lot. Yeah I'm whining, No I don't really give a shit. I'm grumpy and pissy and well, you know, a free country? Or theoretically free anyways. I don't know how to get the fucking motiviation I need in life. I do a lot of talking and little action, and I've always been that way. Yeah I talk about changing myself, but there's a part of me that doesn't believe I ever will. That I'll always be in this fucking slough of despond and just not care enough to move myself out. I don't want to be this way and I should stop whining and do something about it. But I'm normal, so who knows if I will actually make an effort or not. This feeling of depression and despair will probably pass, but it helps to get it out of my head. I am sure that with the resuming of school, I will be occupied more, and thus less depressed. I want to work, I want to change, but does anyone believe in me? Does anyone really care? Yeah I suppose a few people do, but I push away people a lot and I'm too fucking stubborn to call on people most of the time when I need them. Gah.
Okay enough of this, I'm making myself even more depressed.