Raising kids
It's been a while since I have updated anything, but I had a LOT on my mind today.. My family is doing very well, my oldest son earned his black belt in Kung Fu last night (which was interesting timing) and I have no complaints with how my life is going right now. Yes, I am making more money than I ever have, but I don't feel the need to trumpet my gratitude this time. I have been working very hard, but it's different this time. Since my world came apart due to my verbal fuckup 4 years back and I rebuilt my enterprise, I have had not a sense of great accomplishment (like I did when I built my business the first time), but one of peace. My family wants for little and my kids get access to the best of everything (education, opportunities, love, medical care, etc). They take a LOT for granted because they have no idea how fortunate they are. They bitch and complain all the time about the most trivial bullshit.
And yet I guess I should feel some sense of accomplishment because they can whine about the embarrassingly trivial bullshit they do instead of complaining about lacking any of the basic necessities. My wife is the disciplinarian. She's the mean one. She plays bad cop. I am the pushover. I am not proud to say that. I would like to be the strong father, full of pride, wisdom and example. But I can't come down on my kids unless they REALLY piss me off. Mind you, I don't get suckered by the spoiled whining and yearning for the impractical. But if I honestly feel after watching the suffering of one of my kids due to something they had no control over and sense that one of them HONESTLY thinks they have been screwed - I step in. I almost always let my wife have her way, but when it looks like one of them got a raw deal through no fault of their own, I step up and say "This one's mine. You can bitch me out later but I am not backing down. Go sit down - taking me on will NOT be worth it... trust me". I do that so rarely that she goes with the flow and lets me have my way.
Enter today. One of my neighbors' kids does not like my son. He has always been adversarial to him and resentful. I will admit that my son's ADHD and compulsiveness can make him a bit annoying sometimes. But this kid became abusive, yelling phrases like "Bring it on" and other provocative phrases. Normally I wouldn't give a shit. But last summer, my son had one of his buddies over that is a child of some god fr8iends of my wife and I. Kid is 11 years old and weighs about 180 lbs. He is big, powerful and very loving. He had to take steroids for a long time due to a skin condition so he is huge.
This is stupid, but sometimes the truth always is. My son, his friend and this neighbor kid were messing around and the neighbor's kid takes the lid off of the manhole and starts to walk away. This was about a year ago. My son told him he needed to put the cover back on. This kid says "You do it!" Well Christopher (my son's buddy) says "No!! You're gonna do it stupid!!" The neighbor's kid put the cover back on because he was intimidated by Christopher's size. This kid has never lived that incident down. He has NOT let that go since.
For the past year, he has not missed an opportunity to weigh in a slight to my son. Taking my son's scooter and deliberately stopping short over and over again to wear the wheel flat on one side, throwing my son's football onto the roof of another house, constantly bearing false witness against my son to his peers and the kid's parents who I have gotten along with for a long time. He stole my son's lunch in school one day and threw it away and I went to the administrators with a vengeance and the kid was suspended for 3 days. That quieted the kid down for a while. I make sure NEVER to speak to this kid directly. I know I might say something that could get me into trouble. He has a real temper problem and screams at his mother a lot when he loses it. His father ONLY intervenes if the kid uses profanity. So he doesn't.
Yesterday, my son earned his black belt in Kung Fu. He was very proud. I took him to Shogun (a Hibachi grill) by Town Center mall to celebrate. He has always had some doubt he cannot seem to get past as to whether his training would be useful in a real scrap - I see it in how he handles confrontations. Bullies still intimidate him for the most part. Especially if they are big. This neighbor's kid is bigger than Aaron, but not by much.
We got back from dinner and that was it for the night. Today, the kids get home from school and Aaron goes out on his bike. About 45 minutes go by and my doorbell rings. I answer it and it's my neighbor with his son, sobbing profusely, several bruises on his face, and one big cut on his forehead. His father was surprisingly calm, but I could tell he was pissed. I asked what happened and my neighbor says Aaron kicked and punched his son several times.
I go and get Aaron and he tells me that the kid pushed him down while he was on his bike and so he kicked him in the face and when the kid got back up and ran after him, he used his Tai Chi and sent him head first into a fire hydrant and that was where the lacerations on the kids face came from. The kid tried to say he was minding his own business and I called him AND his father on it, giving a speech about all the shit he's done to my son and all the fucked up resentful issues he has with him. His father tried to defend him, so I went down the long list of all the fucked up shit his son has done to mine that I could remember. I apologized to his father for his injuries, but warned him "Your son has some deep resentment issues - I hear him out here with your wife. He NEEDS some serious anger management. (he shot my son with an airsoft gun about 2 years ago. I watched him do it and went to the kids parents immediately. They seemed to handle that situation well, taking the kid's airsoft gun and grounding him.
So I brought that incident up again and said "I KNOW Aaron didn't start this crap with your son. My son is not the kind to pick on other kids - your son is - to some degree - we both know he is. He has always resented Aaron for some reason. I do not want to have problems with you as a neighbor, but if you try to pin this crap on MY son, there is going to be a REAL big stink raised over this. See, this shit between them has to stop. My son does not antagonize yours."
They know Aaron takes Kung Fu. I told both of them that he is a black belt now and that the training he gets from here on in will primarily be how to SERIOUSLY FUCK PEOPLE UP PERMANENTLY!!!
They teach DEATH STRIKES at second and third degree black belts. I didn't mention the death strikes to my neighbors, but I was upset and told them both that I'd lost patience with this juvenile, babyish drama between them and that although I was very sorry that their son got hurt, it was time for a truce. No more BS.
We went inside and my wife wanted to ground my son at first. (That was what I meant about me stepping in and taking over when I thought one of my kids was getting the shaft). I wanted to talk to Aaron but he was not in the mood. I gave him his space and told him I was glad that he was starting to trust his training and that we'd talk more later.
I didn't praise him for beating up a kid that truly deserved it. But no way would I punish him either.
And yet I guess I should feel some sense of accomplishment because they can whine about the embarrassingly trivial bullshit they do instead of complaining about lacking any of the basic necessities. My wife is the disciplinarian. She's the mean one. She plays bad cop. I am the pushover. I am not proud to say that. I would like to be the strong father, full of pride, wisdom and example. But I can't come down on my kids unless they REALLY piss me off. Mind you, I don't get suckered by the spoiled whining and yearning for the impractical. But if I honestly feel after watching the suffering of one of my kids due to something they had no control over and sense that one of them HONESTLY thinks they have been screwed - I step in. I almost always let my wife have her way, but when it looks like one of them got a raw deal through no fault of their own, I step up and say "This one's mine. You can bitch me out later but I am not backing down. Go sit down - taking me on will NOT be worth it... trust me". I do that so rarely that she goes with the flow and lets me have my way.
Enter today. One of my neighbors' kids does not like my son. He has always been adversarial to him and resentful. I will admit that my son's ADHD and compulsiveness can make him a bit annoying sometimes. But this kid became abusive, yelling phrases like "Bring it on" and other provocative phrases. Normally I wouldn't give a shit. But last summer, my son had one of his buddies over that is a child of some god fr8iends of my wife and I. Kid is 11 years old and weighs about 180 lbs. He is big, powerful and very loving. He had to take steroids for a long time due to a skin condition so he is huge.
This is stupid, but sometimes the truth always is. My son, his friend and this neighbor kid were messing around and the neighbor's kid takes the lid off of the manhole and starts to walk away. This was about a year ago. My son told him he needed to put the cover back on. This kid says "You do it!" Well Christopher (my son's buddy) says "No!! You're gonna do it stupid!!" The neighbor's kid put the cover back on because he was intimidated by Christopher's size. This kid has never lived that incident down. He has NOT let that go since.
For the past year, he has not missed an opportunity to weigh in a slight to my son. Taking my son's scooter and deliberately stopping short over and over again to wear the wheel flat on one side, throwing my son's football onto the roof of another house, constantly bearing false witness against my son to his peers and the kid's parents who I have gotten along with for a long time. He stole my son's lunch in school one day and threw it away and I went to the administrators with a vengeance and the kid was suspended for 3 days. That quieted the kid down for a while. I make sure NEVER to speak to this kid directly. I know I might say something that could get me into trouble. He has a real temper problem and screams at his mother a lot when he loses it. His father ONLY intervenes if the kid uses profanity. So he doesn't.
Yesterday, my son earned his black belt in Kung Fu. He was very proud. I took him to Shogun (a Hibachi grill) by Town Center mall to celebrate. He has always had some doubt he cannot seem to get past as to whether his training would be useful in a real scrap - I see it in how he handles confrontations. Bullies still intimidate him for the most part. Especially if they are big. This neighbor's kid is bigger than Aaron, but not by much.
We got back from dinner and that was it for the night. Today, the kids get home from school and Aaron goes out on his bike. About 45 minutes go by and my doorbell rings. I answer it and it's my neighbor with his son, sobbing profusely, several bruises on his face, and one big cut on his forehead. His father was surprisingly calm, but I could tell he was pissed. I asked what happened and my neighbor says Aaron kicked and punched his son several times.
I go and get Aaron and he tells me that the kid pushed him down while he was on his bike and so he kicked him in the face and when the kid got back up and ran after him, he used his Tai Chi and sent him head first into a fire hydrant and that was where the lacerations on the kids face came from. The kid tried to say he was minding his own business and I called him AND his father on it, giving a speech about all the shit he's done to my son and all the fucked up resentful issues he has with him. His father tried to defend him, so I went down the long list of all the fucked up shit his son has done to mine that I could remember. I apologized to his father for his injuries, but warned him "Your son has some deep resentment issues - I hear him out here with your wife. He NEEDS some serious anger management. (he shot my son with an airsoft gun about 2 years ago. I watched him do it and went to the kids parents immediately. They seemed to handle that situation well, taking the kid's airsoft gun and grounding him.
So I brought that incident up again and said "I KNOW Aaron didn't start this crap with your son. My son is not the kind to pick on other kids - your son is - to some degree - we both know he is. He has always resented Aaron for some reason. I do not want to have problems with you as a neighbor, but if you try to pin this crap on MY son, there is going to be a REAL big stink raised over this. See, this shit between them has to stop. My son does not antagonize yours."
They know Aaron takes Kung Fu. I told both of them that he is a black belt now and that the training he gets from here on in will primarily be how to SERIOUSLY FUCK PEOPLE UP PERMANENTLY!!!
They teach DEATH STRIKES at second and third degree black belts. I didn't mention the death strikes to my neighbors, but I was upset and told them both that I'd lost patience with this juvenile, babyish drama between them and that although I was very sorry that their son got hurt, it was time for a truce. No more BS.
We went inside and my wife wanted to ground my son at first. (That was what I meant about me stepping in and taking over when I thought one of my kids was getting the shaft). I wanted to talk to Aaron but he was not in the mood. I gave him his space and told him I was glad that he was starting to trust his training and that we'd talk more later.
I didn't praise him for beating up a kid that truly deserved it. But no way would I punish him either.