Did she ever look at me that way?
Journal,
I got out the photos of my birthmother and her children today, and read the letters again and whatnot. I dont know why but I can't stop looking at the photos. I think Jake is just gorgeous in the way he holds Jorja, as are all the other kids. Jorja is a beautiful baby. There's one particular photo in which Angela is bathing Jorja in the hospital, and the look on her face is just so loving and adoring..it hurts to think that she never looked at me that way. It must have been terribly traumatic for her, having to give up her new born baby, but something inside me makes me wonder whether it was as hard as it sounds, or in some way it was a bit of a relief. I wouldn't blame her for that feeling of relief, but all the same..
I would love to ask her one day what exactly happened in the hospital that day, what she was thinking, how she was feeling. I'd love to know if my birthfather was there, or if he left her to deal with it on her own. I'd love to know if he shared some of the hurt of giving a child up for adoption. I feel for Angela, because from what I know of Paul, my guess would be that he left her to deal with it on her own.
I was wondering this year if she remembered my 18th birthday. I got my answer:
"I didn't forget your birthday, and I was thinking of you (as I do every year), and was hoping and praying that you had a great day."
I know now that you don't have to personally know someone in order to love them.
I got out the photos of my birthmother and her children today, and read the letters again and whatnot. I dont know why but I can't stop looking at the photos. I think Jake is just gorgeous in the way he holds Jorja, as are all the other kids. Jorja is a beautiful baby. There's one particular photo in which Angela is bathing Jorja in the hospital, and the look on her face is just so loving and adoring..it hurts to think that she never looked at me that way. It must have been terribly traumatic for her, having to give up her new born baby, but something inside me makes me wonder whether it was as hard as it sounds, or in some way it was a bit of a relief. I wouldn't blame her for that feeling of relief, but all the same..
I would love to ask her one day what exactly happened in the hospital that day, what she was thinking, how she was feeling. I'd love to know if my birthfather was there, or if he left her to deal with it on her own. I'd love to know if he shared some of the hurt of giving a child up for adoption. I feel for Angela, because from what I know of Paul, my guess would be that he left her to deal with it on her own.
I was wondering this year if she remembered my 18th birthday. I got my answer:
"I didn't forget your birthday, and I was thinking of you (as I do every year), and was hoping and praying that you had a great day."
I know now that you don't have to personally know someone in order to love them.