(no subject)
life is so strange....
tonight's show was wonderful...almost as good as opening night. david and patti really liked it, as did the assistant director of the original Civil War that was on Broadway. He loved it, which is great because he will be directing a show here next year.. so hopefully he remembers me. i have assessment in the AM, which is basically where they see me do a monologue and a personal statement and then decide if i can stay in college... no pressure, right? riiiight.
kelcey is coming tomorrow!!!!!! she is bringing the fam, and my mom and bro and uncle and cousins are coming tomorrow too, so it should be a great show.
i have a new best friend. seriously. taylor is one of the best people i know. he just gets it. and how great is it when someone gets it? or gets you? it hasnt happened since madeira... and its so great to finally finally FINALLY be with someone that i love and loves me and just enjoys hanging out with me. oh he is amazing, seriously, my best friend, i love him. its spectacular. so that's my love letter to taylor. the end.
ive kinda given up on the love thing. well, the romantic love thing. it's not that im bitter - im not, i swear, im just sarcastic - its just that i dont know if im gonna be lucky enough to get to that place with someone. part of it is finding someone, the other part is me being able to trust. i think i might just end up with friends forever. if i had friends like taylor and kelcey for the rest of my life, id be ok. but the problem would be that they would be dating or married to someone and id still go home alone. it's strange. i don't know how i feel about that. hmmmm strange.
ok, im watching conan (AGAIN) because he is my life and he's freaking hysterical. so don't hate. he's wonderful. i would say i love him but hey i don't know him. i just love his sense of humor. and i love watching his show. aaaaaand im a loser, so shut up, i know youre laughin at me...
jason really made me mad by totally negating what it is i wanna do for the rest of my life. and when i tried to talk to him about it, he didnt get it. at all. so he thinks everything's cool. and it's SOOOO not.
ummm, ok, i think i'll share a few more writings...just because i know my lovely rebeccalee will appreciate them :) so here goes:
the time is 3:06 and the clouds move like waves across the sky
the blue of the night pours down on me
and i take a deep breath and sigh
i fill my lungs with the weightfulness of the evening
and i blink back the river in my eyes
without excuses and apologies
i know that i cannot go back
i try to only look forward
to the unknown that is to come
i dream of what i do not know
of what i long to see
the beauty in the life of another
and the dreams they hold in their hearts
but i know that it is not real
that dreams do not come true
and if i want my heart to heal
i must keep myself from you
and with those disconnected and random thoughts, i bid you all adeiu
~ jackie
p.s. i've stopped saying 'i love you' to people. cory, the boy with the most fabulous voice i have ever heard, told me the other day that i over-use the word. he doesn't believe me when i tell him that i love him. so i've stopped using it lightly. i truly love taylor - i would take a beating for him - so it's ok if i say it to him. but i've really cut back. let's see if i can change my life. thats one thing ive encounted a lot of this semester: things, situations, and especially people that want me to change. and strangely enough, they make me want to change, so it's all good...i guess... i hope...we shall see...
tonight's show was wonderful...almost as good as opening night. david and patti really liked it, as did the assistant director of the original Civil War that was on Broadway. He loved it, which is great because he will be directing a show here next year.. so hopefully he remembers me. i have assessment in the AM, which is basically where they see me do a monologue and a personal statement and then decide if i can stay in college... no pressure, right? riiiight.
kelcey is coming tomorrow!!!!!! she is bringing the fam, and my mom and bro and uncle and cousins are coming tomorrow too, so it should be a great show.
i have a new best friend. seriously. taylor is one of the best people i know. he just gets it. and how great is it when someone gets it? or gets you? it hasnt happened since madeira... and its so great to finally finally FINALLY be with someone that i love and loves me and just enjoys hanging out with me. oh he is amazing, seriously, my best friend, i love him. its spectacular. so that's my love letter to taylor. the end.
ive kinda given up on the love thing. well, the romantic love thing. it's not that im bitter - im not, i swear, im just sarcastic - its just that i dont know if im gonna be lucky enough to get to that place with someone. part of it is finding someone, the other part is me being able to trust. i think i might just end up with friends forever. if i had friends like taylor and kelcey for the rest of my life, id be ok. but the problem would be that they would be dating or married to someone and id still go home alone. it's strange. i don't know how i feel about that. hmmmm strange.
ok, im watching conan (AGAIN) because he is my life and he's freaking hysterical. so don't hate. he's wonderful. i would say i love him but hey i don't know him. i just love his sense of humor. and i love watching his show. aaaaaand im a loser, so shut up, i know youre laughin at me...
jason really made me mad by totally negating what it is i wanna do for the rest of my life. and when i tried to talk to him about it, he didnt get it. at all. so he thinks everything's cool. and it's SOOOO not.
ummm, ok, i think i'll share a few more writings...just because i know my lovely rebeccalee will appreciate them :) so here goes:
the time is 3:06 and the clouds move like waves across the sky
the blue of the night pours down on me
and i take a deep breath and sigh
i fill my lungs with the weightfulness of the evening
and i blink back the river in my eyes
without excuses and apologies
i know that i cannot go back
i try to only look forward
to the unknown that is to come
i dream of what i do not know
of what i long to see
the beauty in the life of another
and the dreams they hold in their hearts
but i know that it is not real
that dreams do not come true
and if i want my heart to heal
i must keep myself from you
and with those disconnected and random thoughts, i bid you all adeiu
~ jackie
p.s. i've stopped saying 'i love you' to people. cory, the boy with the most fabulous voice i have ever heard, told me the other day that i over-use the word. he doesn't believe me when i tell him that i love him. so i've stopped using it lightly. i truly love taylor - i would take a beating for him - so it's ok if i say it to him. but i've really cut back. let's see if i can change my life. thats one thing ive encounted a lot of this semester: things, situations, and especially people that want me to change. and strangely enough, they make me want to change, so it's all good...i guess... i hope...we shall see...