(no subject)
ok so i know my life could be so much worse. i mean, here i am, in a university that is duly noted and highly ranked for the fiels i am studying, i have funny, intelligent, attractive friends, a healthy appetite for the unknown, a laptop, cable TV, enough to eat and drink and im in an amazing show that i am extremely proud of. but i still allow issues to attack and consume my mind, and i need to figure out why.
1. david leong hates me. he's one of the directors of my show, and the most important one, because he's also the head of the department. basically, he thinks im not directable. those are the two worst words to ever hear. i mean, my mother always told me i was stubborn, but now i guess it's creeping into my pseudo-professional life and it's screwing me over, because if he thinks im not directable, i will not get cast in anything else here. ever. which means i would probably leave and not waste my time. but then i'd miss my friends so much. which brings me to my next point.
2. my friends. everything has changes since ive been in this show. i opened up my heart for the first time since the "pedro fiasco" and i got it stomped on. its not that i got played, but i definitely got turned down. hardcore. for someone else. (im not gonna say anything else about that because i dont understand it and frankly it still stings). also, i have one friend in particular who is so moody and keeps becoming this crazy mean person to me and insults me in front of people i care about and makes me look so stupid. why would someone who says their your friend do that? i mean, why? it hurts.
i think i give people too much power in my life. i allow what they say and do to motivate or deflate me. it's unfair. it sucks. and i don't know how to fix it. please, help. i'd appreciate some advice.
i tear my heart open, i sew myself shut
my weakness is that i care too much
and my scars remind me that the past is real
i tear my heart open just to feel
~ papa roach
it's days (and nights) like these that i miss madeira.. it aches in my heart...pounds out my chest...i have such pure, unadulterated love for you, it's out of control... i love you girls... you really are what keeps me alive
1. david leong hates me. he's one of the directors of my show, and the most important one, because he's also the head of the department. basically, he thinks im not directable. those are the two worst words to ever hear. i mean, my mother always told me i was stubborn, but now i guess it's creeping into my pseudo-professional life and it's screwing me over, because if he thinks im not directable, i will not get cast in anything else here. ever. which means i would probably leave and not waste my time. but then i'd miss my friends so much. which brings me to my next point.
2. my friends. everything has changes since ive been in this show. i opened up my heart for the first time since the "pedro fiasco" and i got it stomped on. its not that i got played, but i definitely got turned down. hardcore. for someone else. (im not gonna say anything else about that because i dont understand it and frankly it still stings). also, i have one friend in particular who is so moody and keeps becoming this crazy mean person to me and insults me in front of people i care about and makes me look so stupid. why would someone who says their your friend do that? i mean, why? it hurts.
i think i give people too much power in my life. i allow what they say and do to motivate or deflate me. it's unfair. it sucks. and i don't know how to fix it. please, help. i'd appreciate some advice.
i tear my heart open, i sew myself shut
my weakness is that i care too much
and my scars remind me that the past is real
i tear my heart open just to feel
~ papa roach
it's days (and nights) like these that i miss madeira.. it aches in my heart...pounds out my chest...i have such pure, unadulterated love for you, it's out of control... i love you girls... you really are what keeps me alive