good lord......

Apr 22, 2004 00:06

It just gets more difficult as the hours pass. God knows I'm far from perfect, but jeez!! Nick must have made me look like some kind of monster to his roommates and to Amber. He went so far as to tell his roommates that he didn't want me at the house any time soon, and didn't want to talk to me if I called. Then he apologizes to me and said he'd "right the wrong". He said he was upset today after we broke up. Excuse me......HE was upset? Okay then. He then proceeds to call me several times tonight, and I ended up meeting him after he went to dinner with Amber so we could talk some more. Nick asked me this afternoon if i still wanted to go to DC this weekend. Hmmmm.....dunno. I'd like to, I've never been there, but I don't want to be in an uncomfortable situation. We're still going to Lavendar Ball on Friday night, and that should be fun. I'm ranting, I know. I just want everything to be okay. I really honestly do. I'm going to the doctor tomorrow afternoon for my anxiety attacks and Nick is going with me. He is the only person that has seen me have them and is going to talk to the doctor for me and see if it helps the medication process along. I have to have something. I had another one tonight after Nick and I left the lake. I called him and he talked me through it. Thank God for that. I haven't heard from Shane today, and that concerns me, but I'm sure he's fine and will come around when he feels like it. I'd love to go visit him this weekend. My friend Sarah and I feel like taking a road trip. I need to escape here in the worst possible way, even if only for a few days. I will try to sleep now, though I don't know if I can......any suggestions?
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