(no subject)
i'm not going through a very good time at the moment. good things have happened, but i feel sorry for myself so i'm going to list the bad things. this might not all make sense, but i need to get it out of me:
1. i have 5 fucking early shifts in a row (and it's my fault because i swapped two shifts)
2. 1. wouldn't be a problem, if my grandfather's brother hadn't died on wednesday. he lives in kenya, and it's an absolute bitch for several reasons. a). his son, daughter-in-law and 2 grandchildren left him and his wife in kenya, and escaped to india because of the violence - TWO DAYS before he died. if it was my dad, he would have stayed behind and sent his parents, mum and me and amzz. b). my grandmother is in kenya...and my fucking uncle wouldn't go because of the safety situation there, but when it came to my grandmother saying that she wanted to go, that was perfectly ok...and she's OLDER and FRAILER than he. ARGH. c). my grandfather is living with us for a few weeks. on one hand, i'm happy because it means i get to spend time with him, and get to know him better...but it makes me uneasy because it makes me think of what it will be like when he's dead, and it makes me think, "what can i ask him that will get a response that i'll remember forever?" and i don't want to think that. it makes me sad. i'm also uneasy becuase he used to be alcoholic and abusive, and all my dad's alcohol (he's a collector not a drinker) is just lying out there...and there are times when my grandfather will be at home alone.
3. my great grandfather is really ill. my family think he's waiting to see my grandmother and then he'll die. i really don't want this, and it makes me weep inside.
i'm really down.
1. i have 5 fucking early shifts in a row (and it's my fault because i swapped two shifts)
2. 1. wouldn't be a problem, if my grandfather's brother hadn't died on wednesday. he lives in kenya, and it's an absolute bitch for several reasons. a). his son, daughter-in-law and 2 grandchildren left him and his wife in kenya, and escaped to india because of the violence - TWO DAYS before he died. if it was my dad, he would have stayed behind and sent his parents, mum and me and amzz. b). my grandmother is in kenya...and my fucking uncle wouldn't go because of the safety situation there, but when it came to my grandmother saying that she wanted to go, that was perfectly ok...and she's OLDER and FRAILER than he. ARGH. c). my grandfather is living with us for a few weeks. on one hand, i'm happy because it means i get to spend time with him, and get to know him better...but it makes me uneasy because it makes me think of what it will be like when he's dead, and it makes me think, "what can i ask him that will get a response that i'll remember forever?" and i don't want to think that. it makes me sad. i'm also uneasy becuase he used to be alcoholic and abusive, and all my dad's alcohol (he's a collector not a drinker) is just lying out there...and there are times when my grandfather will be at home alone.
3. my great grandfather is really ill. my family think he's waiting to see my grandmother and then he'll die. i really don't want this, and it makes me weep inside.
i'm really down.