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my mother has to go back and have another ct scan in five weeks, and continuous bloodwork (which is a pain for her because all of her veins have collapsed; they had to put a main line in (her neck) in the hospital and thats where everything will come from from now on). the pathology report came back okay but guarded... but for today there is reason to celebrate. even the best case scenario (absolutely no cancer and perfect regrowth of the liver) still leaves a long recovery, and she is feeling it. but! there is reason to celebrate because her liver isnt riddled with cancer. i Still feel a sense of unease about it all; i still think there is something else wrong, or that in six weeks they are going to say those iffy numbers are now indicating full blown cancer. but! i know there is nothing i can do about that and all i can do is love my mother. and i do. very much.

matthew & noah are sleeping quite peacefully. i stayed up to take a shower, because it will be too hard to get one in the morning. (i am just too sleepy in the morning these days!) i want to start another painting, but know if i do i will be up all night. and really, i cant afford to even think about doing that right now.

i saw God today in the warm sunshine that fell through our bedroom curtains.

&, this is the day, one year ago, that i saw two pink lines on a pregnancy test. and now, noah lee is four months old.

happy four months, noah! i cant imagine life without you.



mr. blue eyes!



he loves his little jitterbug.



longies!! and check out that double chin!!