and so it is...
hey lj...
well I found out I am actually doing Starmites--I thought seriously about NOT doing it though for reasons far to obvious to describe. Im doing it for a few good reasons, none of which because I have the desire to. first of all, I love my nocca kids... second-- I dont want to let Mr B and company think that Im a quitter because Im not and I have to take what I can get. its childish to raise a stink about it-even though- between me and you-it is pretty frustrating. watching people take roles you could easily do... ehh I dont know. whatever. Im just going to swallow my pride and do whatever they want me to do. hopefully I'll work my way up to get to whatever point it is they are trying to push me towards...? but I cant help but wonder if they're trying to tell me something here-- do I suck? maybe so. people are poor judges of their own talents. but instead of shattering my self confidence and then giving me false hope Id like to just be told flat out that Im wasting my time having ambitions for it. okay whatever new subject.
uhhhm. life is okay. Im strangely unsettled again. a little unhappy. bored. unsatisfied. but whats new? its up and down all the time. I'll be fine tomorrow. or maybe not. who knows?
people really make me fucking sick. I hope Im not a bad person. sometimes I do things so cruel and I dont even realize it until I look back on it. but I hope Im not always like that. I dont want to ever make people feel the same way they make me do. its just shitty.
sick of being treated like I dont have a heart. maybe I should stop letting people believe that I dont care what they say about me. Im strong but so weak to those I care about...
peace out homieees<3333
well I found out I am actually doing Starmites--I thought seriously about NOT doing it though for reasons far to obvious to describe. Im doing it for a few good reasons, none of which because I have the desire to. first of all, I love my nocca kids... second-- I dont want to let Mr B and company think that Im a quitter because Im not and I have to take what I can get. its childish to raise a stink about it-even though- between me and you-it is pretty frustrating. watching people take roles you could easily do... ehh I dont know. whatever. Im just going to swallow my pride and do whatever they want me to do. hopefully I'll work my way up to get to whatever point it is they are trying to push me towards...? but I cant help but wonder if they're trying to tell me something here-- do I suck? maybe so. people are poor judges of their own talents. but instead of shattering my self confidence and then giving me false hope Id like to just be told flat out that Im wasting my time having ambitions for it. okay whatever new subject.
uhhhm. life is okay. Im strangely unsettled again. a little unhappy. bored. unsatisfied. but whats new? its up and down all the time. I'll be fine tomorrow. or maybe not. who knows?
people really make me fucking sick. I hope Im not a bad person. sometimes I do things so cruel and I dont even realize it until I look back on it. but I hope Im not always like that. I dont want to ever make people feel the same way they make me do. its just shitty.
sick of being treated like I dont have a heart. maybe I should stop letting people believe that I dont care what they say about me. Im strong but so weak to those I care about...
peace out homieees<3333