pause: a quick message before we continue
I mean, I always feel like a freak because I'm never able to move on like this you know. People just have an affaire, or even... entire relationships... they break up and they forget! They move on like they would have changed a brand of cereals! I feel I was never able to forget anyone I've been with. Because each person had their own specific qualities. You can never replace anyone. What is lost is lost. Each relationship, when it ends, really damages me. I never fully recover. That's why I'm very careful with getting involved, because...it hurts too much! Even getting laid! I actually don't do that because I will miss of the person the most mundane things. Like I'm obsessed with little things. Maybe I'm crazy, but... when I was a little girl, my mom told me that I was always late to school. One day she followed me to see why. I was looking at chestnuts falling from the trees, rolling on the sidewalk, or... ants, crossing the road... the way a leaf casts a shadow on a tree trunk. Little things. I think it's the same with people. I see in them little details, so specific to each other, that move me, and that I miss, and... will always miss. You can never replace anyone because everyone is made of such beautiful specific details. Like I remember the way your beard has a
bit of red in it. And how the sun was making it glow that...that morning, right before you left. I remember that and... I missed it.
before sunset.
just wanted to say "hi" and pour my gratitude into the universe. hope everything is ok. everythings ok with me. i'm about to go on some very exciting adventures. maybe one day many years from now we can sit down over coffee and i can tell you about them. i think i'd like that very much. until then...