and i think to myself
here again. back to the place that holds all my worries. since the last time i was here, things have changed again as always. ive been substituting since i graduated. i found a permanent job with great kids. rowdy and energetic, but i learned to love them. they were incredibly smart and active. i have been getting my bilingual certification so i can be more marketable. ive had interviews but nothing has happened yet. i finally got my bedding after 4 months of searching. it wasnt as cheap as i wanted it to be or as great looking but its starting to grow on me. i like the colors. ive been trying really hard to find a job. ive sent out resumes and updated what needed to be. theres a freeze on hiring new teachers. that sucks. i dont know what will come out of the next 2 months. ive decided to not work this summer. i dont know what ill do. but i think i will use that time to find something i found 2 years ago this exact time. lets see if i can find it. ive gotten new medication that i dont know if its helped. im still lonely but am getting more used to it and the fact that other people have other things to do and arent as available as i am. my room is clean! ive got all my laundry done! im hungry. oh ive lost like 10 pounds in less than a month and i didnt even try. i dont know what happened. im at my lowest weight ever. i feel physically better than before. ive been stretching a lot and can almost touch my toes. that is really good. ive been dry for 2 weeks lets see how much longer i can keep that up. i think my dad is proud of me. my mom overheard him bragging about me to his brother. i never thought my dad would actually find something in me to like. ive been living with my brother for about 5 months. its weird. but i like it. im going to see tori in july. that should be fun. ive gotten hooked on the office. i never realized how funny it was. i still think about him everyday and wonder how he is. im still on him. im concerned about my future. its amazing how much i care about it.