silence
It gets lonely behind these walls. the days are beautiful and i seem to notice and enjoy them more than ever. its a nice feeling that i know will not last. the hot summer will catch up with this beautiful spring weather. im in the same spot i was in 3 months ago but now its hitting harder. the feeling leaves nothing behind. im lost. motivation to do anything is gone. i want to have fun. i want to be free. but everything is gone. i wish i were one to keep people here but we all move on. its sad when all your friends have moved on to different things and leave you behind. i understand that it happens. we find something different that doesnt involve the same people. we meet a new person which brings us into this whole new world and offers us different views. but the why is still there. we wonder what will happen once this new thing leaves. and some of us are too prideful to apologize for making a mistake and lose what has always been there. love is never enough. i think im ready to meet the next thing in my life. im ready to move on to something different somewhere different. i want to see new things experience a whole new life. with myself. i want to introduce new things to me and still keep me. but im not sure if im brave enough to try it. im through with this chapter. i want a new text. a new everything. so maybe sometime soon i will be in hawaii.
its very lonely. i feel like ive lost a lot of things that i hold dear in my heart. i feel very lost. nothing is the same. and i know that things arent always going to stay the same but i just cant handle it. im not good with change. im not good with not making enough money. im not good with not having a stable job. im not good with being by myself. im not ready to deal with grown up things with this mind. it hasnt matured yet. i just wish i had something i could look back on and say i did good. there might be but right now everything else is overpowering it. hiding it.
my skin is getting worse. uncomfortably worse. sometimes when im talking i cant think of the words i need to say. i feel like im getting dumber. maybe its the alcohol.
i want to be ok so badly.
its very lonely. i feel like ive lost a lot of things that i hold dear in my heart. i feel very lost. nothing is the same. and i know that things arent always going to stay the same but i just cant handle it. im not good with change. im not good with not making enough money. im not good with not having a stable job. im not good with being by myself. im not ready to deal with grown up things with this mind. it hasnt matured yet. i just wish i had something i could look back on and say i did good. there might be but right now everything else is overpowering it. hiding it.
my skin is getting worse. uncomfortably worse. sometimes when im talking i cant think of the words i need to say. i feel like im getting dumber. maybe its the alcohol.
i want to be ok so badly.