***SHE STARTED WITH A MARGARITA...***
"Then she went to straight tequila." That's gonna be me!!! I'm already over this week and it's only Tuesday. My boss thought it'd be fun to make me work 10 hour shifts as lead all week. That wouldn't be so bad if she didn't leave me with people who have NO clue what the hell they're doing. Sadly, one of the good things was that one of our kids got Baker Acted on Sunday (the second time in less than a week!) because she ran away, again, and they're refusing to accept her back because she's too much of a behavioral problem. It's sad because she had been doing SO good lately, but you reap what you sew. The only good thing about yesterday was that I got to see Hunter briefly. I could be having the shittiest day ever and all I need is some snuggles from him and it makes all the bullshit worth it. I'm not looking forward to today at all. I can't wait til everything goes back to normal.
Nikki texted me yesterday, cussing me out again. She's pissed because everyone keeps commenting on my entries talking shit about her, calling her crazy and mean. I cannot control what people say. I ain't their mamas! She's grown, she should be able to stand up for herself. Now if she was my girlfriend, hell yeah I'd stand up for her, just like I always have, but why should I defend someone who treats me like shit? She's just looking for excuses to be mean to me. Also, in my AIM away message yesterday I wrote "<3 Day 3 <3" and she accused me of having a new girlfriend. The "Day 3" thing meant that I was on Day 3 of no contact with her, trying to wean myself off. *rolls eyes* I hate people who jump to conclusions without all the facts!! First of all, I don't write about how much I love her in these entries then turn around and go flirt with someone else. It just doesn't work that way! If I had a new girlfriend I would be out with her, not sitting at home pouring my heart and soul out. Why doesn't she get that I'm in love with HER, and that I don't want anyone else??? Everyone else sees it but her, and it's SO frustrating!!
I always swore that I would never change for anyone. I am who I am and if you don't like me, fuck you! But all this bullshit that has happened with Nikki recently has made me want to change. I've changed my actions, and I've changed everything I've even known. I made positive changes because I want us to have the love that we deserve. I want us to be happy. Our relationship got to that point where it was just too comfortable. Everyone goes through that period. I've realized now how important she is to me and how much I need her in my life. I'm ready to work things out and change a lot. The sad thing is she won't even give me the chance. I know she has a lot going on right now but it's not right for her to be so heartless and take it out on me. I've done nothing in these entries but pour my heart out and try to make her see how much I love her. Was it all for nothing?
Nikki texted me yesterday, cussing me out again. She's pissed because everyone keeps commenting on my entries talking shit about her, calling her crazy and mean. I cannot control what people say. I ain't their mamas! She's grown, she should be able to stand up for herself. Now if she was my girlfriend, hell yeah I'd stand up for her, just like I always have, but why should I defend someone who treats me like shit? She's just looking for excuses to be mean to me. Also, in my AIM away message yesterday I wrote "<3 Day 3 <3" and she accused me of having a new girlfriend. The "Day 3" thing meant that I was on Day 3 of no contact with her, trying to wean myself off. *rolls eyes* I hate people who jump to conclusions without all the facts!! First of all, I don't write about how much I love her in these entries then turn around and go flirt with someone else. It just doesn't work that way! If I had a new girlfriend I would be out with her, not sitting at home pouring my heart and soul out. Why doesn't she get that I'm in love with HER, and that I don't want anyone else??? Everyone else sees it but her, and it's SO frustrating!!
I always swore that I would never change for anyone. I am who I am and if you don't like me, fuck you! But all this bullshit that has happened with Nikki recently has made me want to change. I've changed my actions, and I've changed everything I've even known. I made positive changes because I want us to have the love that we deserve. I want us to be happy. Our relationship got to that point where it was just too comfortable. Everyone goes through that period. I've realized now how important she is to me and how much I need her in my life. I'm ready to work things out and change a lot. The sad thing is she won't even give me the chance. I know she has a lot going on right now but it's not right for her to be so heartless and take it out on me. I've done nothing in these entries but pour my heart out and try to make her see how much I love her. Was it all for nothing?