Perspective Part One
I went to a meeting with a new psychaitrist for my youngest daughter. Her Father thinks she needs to see someone to help her with her communication skills, anger management and social skills. It was a family meeting. One of the next visits, he'll want to talk to our oldest daughter to get her perspective on things but right now he's just fine dealing with Anna.
We (I) had to fill out a bunch of forms for the new doctor. Questions about what we hoped these visits would bring to Anna. What the initial problems were, when they started, etc. The Doc interviewed her in front of my EX and I. And interviewed us in front of her. Then he talked to her alone. His initial diagnosis is that she is a normal, adjusting teenager with above average intelligence and a great sense of humor. She gets depressed but she is dealing with it. She doesn't get along with her peer group because of their innane Bull Shit but can communicate with adults quite well because they don't tend to "pick" on her. (DUH!)
This is the same diagnosis I have been telling my EX about for YEARS. AND when I told the Doc that HE thought she was behind in her social skills and academic skills and that HE thought she needed to be in a "special" class, the Doc brushed it aside stating that he found Anna to be very bright and not needing any sort of "special" class.
During the course of the interview, we were asked what had caused the marital break up, if we could talk about it... My EX was quick to state "Marital Infidelity". You could have knocked me over with a stick! I felt like I had been slapped across the face. Marital infidelity, indeed! As was so lovingly pointed out to me by a good friend of mine, when he first met Robert and I, WE were all about scoping out playthings, both for us together and apart. That was one of the founding tenents of our marriage. "If we couldn't get what we needed from our partner, after giving said partner the opportunity to fulfill said need, we were free to get those needs met elsewhere."
Now, perhaps I should have called him on it right when he said it. But first I was just stunned. My reply to the Doc was that things changed with us over the course of our marriage and that was where the split came from. And second, I wasn't going to go into full BORK mode because, after all, this was not OUR therapy session. It was Anna's. I considered calling the EX and hashing it out with him over the phone. But to what end. What do I think I'll accomplish by that. Maybe I just want clarification. Maybe I want to get back on the argument train with him so I can feel like my views on THIS subject are heard and understood. But I know it to be a futile effort. He hasn't HEARD me for over 17 years. He stopped hearing me after our 1st child was born. He is, after all, the more "educated" of the US. (Lots of degrees from formal institutions). He must be the right one.
I find it fascinating that two people can live through the same chain of events and come up with very different accounts of the situations that occurred. I, likewise, find it amazing that one can cling to a stilted point of view as some sort of justification for their actions, even if they can be proven wrong.
I guess it's all a matter of perspective...
We (I) had to fill out a bunch of forms for the new doctor. Questions about what we hoped these visits would bring to Anna. What the initial problems were, when they started, etc. The Doc interviewed her in front of my EX and I. And interviewed us in front of her. Then he talked to her alone. His initial diagnosis is that she is a normal, adjusting teenager with above average intelligence and a great sense of humor. She gets depressed but she is dealing with it. She doesn't get along with her peer group because of their innane Bull Shit but can communicate with adults quite well because they don't tend to "pick" on her. (DUH!)
This is the same diagnosis I have been telling my EX about for YEARS. AND when I told the Doc that HE thought she was behind in her social skills and academic skills and that HE thought she needed to be in a "special" class, the Doc brushed it aside stating that he found Anna to be very bright and not needing any sort of "special" class.
During the course of the interview, we were asked what had caused the marital break up, if we could talk about it... My EX was quick to state "Marital Infidelity". You could have knocked me over with a stick! I felt like I had been slapped across the face. Marital infidelity, indeed! As was so lovingly pointed out to me by a good friend of mine, when he first met Robert and I, WE were all about scoping out playthings, both for us together and apart. That was one of the founding tenents of our marriage. "If we couldn't get what we needed from our partner, after giving said partner the opportunity to fulfill said need, we were free to get those needs met elsewhere."
Now, perhaps I should have called him on it right when he said it. But first I was just stunned. My reply to the Doc was that things changed with us over the course of our marriage and that was where the split came from. And second, I wasn't going to go into full BORK mode because, after all, this was not OUR therapy session. It was Anna's. I considered calling the EX and hashing it out with him over the phone. But to what end. What do I think I'll accomplish by that. Maybe I just want clarification. Maybe I want to get back on the argument train with him so I can feel like my views on THIS subject are heard and understood. But I know it to be a futile effort. He hasn't HEARD me for over 17 years. He stopped hearing me after our 1st child was born. He is, after all, the more "educated" of the US. (Lots of degrees from formal institutions). He must be the right one.
I find it fascinating that two people can live through the same chain of events and come up with very different accounts of the situations that occurred. I, likewise, find it amazing that one can cling to a stilted point of view as some sort of justification for their actions, even if they can be proven wrong.
I guess it's all a matter of perspective...