Super Bowls are stupid
Truth be told, I didn't watch it. I think the Superbowl is pretty boring. The week before it was on I asked Josh who was playing and I was like "Packers and.... lions? Buccaneers? Begnals?" I literally had no idea, I care not. I care about plenty of other things, but not that.
Which I guess is why I bury this REAL thing I care about in the middle of a post about the Super Bowl. Josh and I are trying to have a kid, and have been largely unsuccessful. I mean, everyone I know around me is having a baby. I've been to 2 baby showers in the past couple of months. My brother is having a baby. I am making baby quilts. I am going to baby places and looking at baby things and thinking "If I was having a child, I would want this in their room." And it's weird, because it's not like I'm dying inside over it. I mean, I thought I should feel like a Hallmark movie lady, crying and listening to shitty music and baking a million cookies or something. I don't really feel like that, which I am taking as a positive thing. But then most of the time, even though I am not a Hallmark mascara stained cliche, I freak out. Is there something wrong with me, what's wrong with me, am I not trying hard enough, do I not want it hard enough, etc. I guess if it's meant to happen it will. I'm just tired of being all pent up about it and no one reads this anyway, so if anything it's a place for me to vent.
I guess I just feel like I'm at a point in my life where I'm ready for my life to change. And that feels weird to say, because I have a pretty good life. Good friends, great husband, access to good music, and I know how to bake good cookies, should I want them. But I guess I just want something MORE.
Which I guess is why I bury this REAL thing I care about in the middle of a post about the Super Bowl. Josh and I are trying to have a kid, and have been largely unsuccessful. I mean, everyone I know around me is having a baby. I've been to 2 baby showers in the past couple of months. My brother is having a baby. I am making baby quilts. I am going to baby places and looking at baby things and thinking "If I was having a child, I would want this in their room." And it's weird, because it's not like I'm dying inside over it. I mean, I thought I should feel like a Hallmark movie lady, crying and listening to shitty music and baking a million cookies or something. I don't really feel like that, which I am taking as a positive thing. But then most of the time, even though I am not a Hallmark mascara stained cliche, I freak out. Is there something wrong with me, what's wrong with me, am I not trying hard enough, do I not want it hard enough, etc. I guess if it's meant to happen it will. I'm just tired of being all pent up about it and no one reads this anyway, so if anything it's a place for me to vent.
I guess I just feel like I'm at a point in my life where I'm ready for my life to change. And that feels weird to say, because I have a pretty good life. Good friends, great husband, access to good music, and I know how to bake good cookies, should I want them. But I guess I just want something MORE.