Something to Celebrate (?)
It's National Coming Out Day. Of course, only if you're in a place where those being come out to are not judgmental, ignorant, Church sheep with decades of conservative societal breeding limiting their potential to understand sexuality and gender roles.
Nothing in the world can make me come out to my parents. At least not right now. You come out to people you trust and people you'd like to include in your life, and at the end of the day, I just don't trust my parents enough to confide in them.
I never have, and it's never bothered me before, but, unlike feelings, thoughts, bad days, and insecurities, this isn't the kind of thing I can keep from them. This is something they'll have to find out eventually. But I know it can't be now. I'm scared of what they'll do. While the prospect of being kicked out of the house is one that scares me, it's nothing compared to what I feel when I think what else they would be capable of doing, or making me do.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm just being ridiculous and if my fears and anxieties, along with the scenarios in my head, are just products of watching too much TV or reading too many books. When I tell my parents I love them, they tell me they love me right back. Surely, if they mean that, they'll mean it regardless of my sexuality. But then the gays come into the conversation and my parents say things, ignorant and infuriating things, that remind me why I keep my mouth shut. It's very clear to me that it's not safe for me to come out to them while I'm living under their roof and depend on them financially. The worse they can do when I'm moved out and living well is stop talking to me.
I'm out to the people who matter, anyway.
Nothing in the world can make me come out to my parents. At least not right now. You come out to people you trust and people you'd like to include in your life, and at the end of the day, I just don't trust my parents enough to confide in them.
I never have, and it's never bothered me before, but, unlike feelings, thoughts, bad days, and insecurities, this isn't the kind of thing I can keep from them. This is something they'll have to find out eventually. But I know it can't be now. I'm scared of what they'll do. While the prospect of being kicked out of the house is one that scares me, it's nothing compared to what I feel when I think what else they would be capable of doing, or making me do.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm just being ridiculous and if my fears and anxieties, along with the scenarios in my head, are just products of watching too much TV or reading too many books. When I tell my parents I love them, they tell me they love me right back. Surely, if they mean that, they'll mean it regardless of my sexuality. But then the gays come into the conversation and my parents say things, ignorant and infuriating things, that remind me why I keep my mouth shut. It's very clear to me that it's not safe for me to come out to them while I'm living under their roof and depend on them financially. The worse they can do when I'm moved out and living well is stop talking to me.
I'm out to the people who matter, anyway.