The Life and Times of a Hopeless Fangirl

[greeneyedlady]

I have been thinking of my own Fandom experiences (the only ones I am authorized to comment on) and I really think this fangirl business goes back way farther than any actual participation in socialized Fandom activities. By socialized Fandom activities, I pretty much mean anything that involves more than one person, the sharing and exchanging

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[greeneyedlady]

I think the disillusionment thing might contribute to the perpetuation of a fannish lifestyle in my case, but how did I wind up disillusioned by the age of 8? Even in my "carefree" youth I already gravitated towards fiction. One thing I have tried to describe to friends and family is that I do not see myself as the protagonist of the narrative that is my life. I don't feel comfortable in that role, or even as a sidekick. The only roles I really feel comfortable in are as reader or writer. Oh wait, that doesn't make much sense. I guess what I am trying to say is that my dissatisfaction with reality might stem from a more fundamental detachment from my own life. I like to wonder if my brain is wired even slightly different, but it is probably all just severe character flaws.

And fannish engagement with a text does not have to include production of fannish products. It is the fact that it is on your mind well after the show/movie/book/comic has ended, when casual viewers/readers minds go back to their own lives. At least that it how I think of Fandom.