Morgan's birth story (and update)
Posted to myspace on 9/20/07...forgot to post this here for those of you that don't use myspace or don't go on often! sorry! (will post a new update soon as well)
Hey All- So sorry it's been so long since my last blog. I have been meaning to post a blog about the whole birth story and experience, but just have not found the time sadly with Morgan keeping us so busy. So, here is it! Hopefully I can finish this before she cries and needs fed again. (also, sorry if any of this is too graphic...lol).
So it all began on Saturday, Sept. 8. Man it feels so long ago now, but I know it was only almost 2 weeks ago. Saturday morning, I was up and waiting for Justin to get home from work- it was about 5 am and he was due home at 6 am. I went to the bathroom and noticed I was spotting and it looked like I had lost part of my mucuous plug. I honestly didn't think much of it as I had been told from the doctors and other women that you can lose your plug weeks before going into labor, a couple hours before going into labor, right before...etc. So, I didn't think it was a key sign that labor had begun and proceeded with my day. Justin got home a little after 6 am and I told him about the events of the morning and he was a little grossed out, but we both still didn't think much of it. We decided to spend some time together that morning and afternoon and went out for chinese for lunch and then layed down for the day (Justin had that night off work so we figured we'd lay down for a while as we were beat). I had felt "wierd" all day up till that point...I don't know how to describe it, but something just felt different. I layed down with Justin around 1 pm and was back up around 4 pm, just feeling strange and couldn't sleep. As many of you know I had been complaining for weeks prior to this as I was having A LOT of painful braxton hicks contractions..but it seemed that the past couple days before going into labor, they had decreased and I was worried that I was in for another couple weeks. That Wednesday, Sept. 5, I had a doctor's appointment and was told I was 1 cm and 50% effaced and that I would "at least have another week or more ahead of me". So, I still felt like it was all in my head. But- I went to sit down on the couch, was going on 5 pm, I felt a little bit of a leak of fluid. I went to the bathroom, thinking maybe I had peed myself a little (lol, I think I was in denial...I have never peed myself before and did not have issues with incontinence while pregnant, so I don't know why I thought I had peed myself). Anyways- when I went to the bathroom, the fluid was definitely not yellow, so I knew it had to be amniotic fluid, but I still was sort of in denial. I tried to wake Justin up and told him what had happened...I think he was too out of it to understand. lol. He kept falling back asleep. So, I just decided that I was going to call the doctors and ugh, wouldn't you know both my cell phone and Justin's cell were acting up and I kept getting cut off when trying to tell the doctor what had happened. I had to get my shoes on and go out to my car to finally be able to talk to the doctor. Meanwhile, I'm still trying to wake Justin up before going to car and he wouldn't wake up. I'm stressed at this point and panicking! The doctor, of course, tells us to get to the hospital to be checked out...finally I get Justin up after i tell him the doctor wanted us at the hospital. I am still thinking we will be coming back home and that Morgan will not arrive till her due date, so I convince Justin to not bring our hospital bags (yes, foolish, and Justin kept insisting we bring them and I keep saying no- so we don't bring them). We get to the hospital around 5:30 pm ...sidenote: State College was a crazy town as Penn State was playing Notre Dame and the game is supposed to start at 6 pm. They have me do the usual stuff when I get there...I change into a gown, pee in a cup, get hooked up to all the monitors, and then the doctor comes in. She says she's going to do a test to see if my water broke...needless to say, she didn't really have to do much checking as the minute she started the internal exam, I'm leaking fluid everywhere...so she's like "yep, your water has indeed broken, you're being admited"...at that point, I was 3 cm and 80% effaced..then it starts to hit me that we are not leaving without Morgan and oh my goodness we have none of our hospital bags. lol. They tell me that if my contractions don't start to become more regular soon, they are going to have to give me Pitocin to speed things up (as they were unsure if my water had broken at 5 pm or started to break at 5 am). About an hour and a half passes (meanwhile, Justin runs home to pick up the hospital bags and make phone calls) and they start the Pitocin drip. Within an hour or so, my contractions are SO intense. I was in so much pain as I was getting very little break between contractions. I am pretty much telling Justin that I will never have another child and that Morgan will be an only child. Justin was great throughout the whole experience, but also pissing me off as I'm in labor and he's falling asleep (keep in mind he had only gotten 3 hours sleep since working)...at one point, I think I hit him in the chest. lol. After a couple hours, they gave me some pain killers through my IV to take the edge off a little, but my contractions were still coming so close together that it didn't help. They gave me a second dose about an hour later and the contractions were even worse. Finally, after a few hours since the Pitocin started I asked for the epidural. I had to wait for over an hour for it though cause the anestesiologist was in the middle of a c-section. The wait seemed like it took forever, but finally he got there to administer the epi. I was so nervous for it, but also was in so much pain and getting no relief from anything (and since my water had broken before arriving to the hospital, I wasn't even allowed to walk around...I had to stay in bed...only thing I was allowed to do was get up to use the bathroom with the nurses help). He starts the epidural and it was not as bad as I thought it would be...but, I am having contractions in between and having a hard time sitting still. Justin and the nurse there, Jessica, were both great-- telling me that if I just try to sit still for a few more minutes I'd have relief...so I just kept telling myself that. But, the minute he started the actually medication, I instantly got sick to the stomach and had my first round of throwing up! Not fun! After the epidural was started, my doctor came back in to check my progress..surprisingly I was 7 cm and 100% effaced. I was so excited to hear that! I remember laying there and feeling so much better for a while. I would look at the monitor and see I was having a huge contraction and just be like "ok". lol. I felt some pressure from them, but no pain. It was great! The next time they checked me, I was 8 cm (about an hour later) and then they let me try to sleep for a little while (yeah right- justin slept, I didn't..lol)...they checked me again and I was almost 10 cm- a half hour later I was ready to push. And sadly the epi starts wearing off a bit. I did have a little button I could push to administer more, but it wasn't near as effective as the initial dose. It was about 3 am at this point and in comes the doctor and everyone is ready for me to start pushing. I asked them how long they thought it'd be and they told me that first time moms can push anywhere from less than 1 hr - 3 hrs. I kept thinking, oh god, let this be quick! Well, it wasn't! I had to push for 3 hrs! During the 3 hours of pushing, I managed to throw up 2 more times...I'm not 100% sure why, but it was not pleasant! I remember feeling so much pressure and thinking it would never end, I continued to press the epi button every now and then but it didn't seem to help anymore. Everyone kept telling me I was doing so good but I didn't believe them- I kept thinking "just get this baby out". At one point, I think I told Justin that I wanted a c-section cause I was so tired of pushing. lol. Boy am I happy I stuck with it though. At around 6:50 or so, Morgan's head had completely crowned, they told me to push again and then I had to stop suddenly as they realized her umbilical cord was around her neck (luckily this had not hurt her any or interfered during the entire labor..they think it only wrapped around towards the end). They told me to push again and they soon realized she had managed to flip herself back over to sunny side up (they had told me earlier that she was in the correct position and face down)...the last push, the rest of her just flew out it seemed. I had some tearing due to her position, so needed some stitching which was horrible as the epidural was very low at that point and I felt everything as she stitched...but inspite of the pain, Morgan was in my arms and it was such an incredible almost euphoric experience. I can't even describe it. I just kept looking at her and saying her name and she was screaming her head off, but it was so great! lol. I didn't even seem to care that I still had to deliver the placenta. lol. But, we got to hold her for 2 hours and then they took her to the nursery to do her first bath and measurements while I was moved to my post-partum room and showered up.
Our little Morgan was born at 6:58 am on Sunday, Sept. 9th and weighed 6 lbs. 8 1/2 oz. and was 20 inches long. She was just so perfect- still is! As previously mentioned she was (and still is) having some jaundice and breastfeeding issues...but, she is doing great and just being monitored a bit more closely. Sometimes I can't believe that this all has happened. My due date is tomorrow (Sept. 21) and part of me is feeling sad that I am no longer anticipating her arrival. I am so happy she is here, but have been struggling with post-partum issues. Today, I had to go to the obgyn's to talk to them about it as it was getting bad. I am now on a low dose of anti-depressants for about 2 weeks and then have to go back after the 2 weeks to see if those are helping. If they aren't helping too much, the dosage will be increased. I am happy that I may have some relief soon, but just wish that I didn't have to be going through this depression. Mostly my depression consists of feeling so overwhelmingly sad that I am not pregnant anymore- I miss feeling her kicking and anticipating so much! I also feel like I'm having a hard time adjusting to the new responsibilities and how things will never be the same for Justin and I again...and I am also finding myself sad that it's already been almost 2 weeks since we were in the hospital and she was born. It's made me realize how fast time is going to go and I just am not ready for her to grow up fast. I just pray that things get better soon as it has been very hard for me since her birth. Don't get me wrong, I am happy she is born and I love her to pieces, but this has been a lot harder than I thought it would be to deal with her not being inside me anymore but out in the world. If you could say some prayers for me, that'd be great. I just pray that this first dosage works okay. By the sounds of it, once they get the dosage right, I'll be on it for about 2-3 months depending on what they think. The good thing is that the dosages are low enough that I can continue to breastfeed (even if it has to be increased). So that is good. Justin has decided to take another week off work to make sure that the meds start helping me. I'm so happy he is as it has been a blessing to have him with me and help me through all these adjustments. He is an amazing husband and is proving to be an amazing father!
Well, I hear Morgan stirring so must go...time for feeding again...it seems that is all I do these days. I thank you in advance for the prayers! Will post more pictures and updates when I can find the time again! :)
Hey All- So sorry it's been so long since my last blog. I have been meaning to post a blog about the whole birth story and experience, but just have not found the time sadly with Morgan keeping us so busy. So, here is it! Hopefully I can finish this before she cries and needs fed again. (also, sorry if any of this is too graphic...lol).
So it all began on Saturday, Sept. 8. Man it feels so long ago now, but I know it was only almost 2 weeks ago. Saturday morning, I was up and waiting for Justin to get home from work- it was about 5 am and he was due home at 6 am. I went to the bathroom and noticed I was spotting and it looked like I had lost part of my mucuous plug. I honestly didn't think much of it as I had been told from the doctors and other women that you can lose your plug weeks before going into labor, a couple hours before going into labor, right before...etc. So, I didn't think it was a key sign that labor had begun and proceeded with my day. Justin got home a little after 6 am and I told him about the events of the morning and he was a little grossed out, but we both still didn't think much of it. We decided to spend some time together that morning and afternoon and went out for chinese for lunch and then layed down for the day (Justin had that night off work so we figured we'd lay down for a while as we were beat). I had felt "wierd" all day up till that point...I don't know how to describe it, but something just felt different. I layed down with Justin around 1 pm and was back up around 4 pm, just feeling strange and couldn't sleep. As many of you know I had been complaining for weeks prior to this as I was having A LOT of painful braxton hicks contractions..but it seemed that the past couple days before going into labor, they had decreased and I was worried that I was in for another couple weeks. That Wednesday, Sept. 5, I had a doctor's appointment and was told I was 1 cm and 50% effaced and that I would "at least have another week or more ahead of me". So, I still felt like it was all in my head. But- I went to sit down on the couch, was going on 5 pm, I felt a little bit of a leak of fluid. I went to the bathroom, thinking maybe I had peed myself a little (lol, I think I was in denial...I have never peed myself before and did not have issues with incontinence while pregnant, so I don't know why I thought I had peed myself). Anyways- when I went to the bathroom, the fluid was definitely not yellow, so I knew it had to be amniotic fluid, but I still was sort of in denial. I tried to wake Justin up and told him what had happened...I think he was too out of it to understand. lol. He kept falling back asleep. So, I just decided that I was going to call the doctors and ugh, wouldn't you know both my cell phone and Justin's cell were acting up and I kept getting cut off when trying to tell the doctor what had happened. I had to get my shoes on and go out to my car to finally be able to talk to the doctor. Meanwhile, I'm still trying to wake Justin up before going to car and he wouldn't wake up. I'm stressed at this point and panicking! The doctor, of course, tells us to get to the hospital to be checked out...finally I get Justin up after i tell him the doctor wanted us at the hospital. I am still thinking we will be coming back home and that Morgan will not arrive till her due date, so I convince Justin to not bring our hospital bags (yes, foolish, and Justin kept insisting we bring them and I keep saying no- so we don't bring them). We get to the hospital around 5:30 pm ...sidenote: State College was a crazy town as Penn State was playing Notre Dame and the game is supposed to start at 6 pm. They have me do the usual stuff when I get there...I change into a gown, pee in a cup, get hooked up to all the monitors, and then the doctor comes in. She says she's going to do a test to see if my water broke...needless to say, she didn't really have to do much checking as the minute she started the internal exam, I'm leaking fluid everywhere...so she's like "yep, your water has indeed broken, you're being admited"...at that point, I was 3 cm and 80% effaced..then it starts to hit me that we are not leaving without Morgan and oh my goodness we have none of our hospital bags. lol. They tell me that if my contractions don't start to become more regular soon, they are going to have to give me Pitocin to speed things up (as they were unsure if my water had broken at 5 pm or started to break at 5 am). About an hour and a half passes (meanwhile, Justin runs home to pick up the hospital bags and make phone calls) and they start the Pitocin drip. Within an hour or so, my contractions are SO intense. I was in so much pain as I was getting very little break between contractions. I am pretty much telling Justin that I will never have another child and that Morgan will be an only child. Justin was great throughout the whole experience, but also pissing me off as I'm in labor and he's falling asleep (keep in mind he had only gotten 3 hours sleep since working)...at one point, I think I hit him in the chest. lol. After a couple hours, they gave me some pain killers through my IV to take the edge off a little, but my contractions were still coming so close together that it didn't help. They gave me a second dose about an hour later and the contractions were even worse. Finally, after a few hours since the Pitocin started I asked for the epidural. I had to wait for over an hour for it though cause the anestesiologist was in the middle of a c-section. The wait seemed like it took forever, but finally he got there to administer the epi. I was so nervous for it, but also was in so much pain and getting no relief from anything (and since my water had broken before arriving to the hospital, I wasn't even allowed to walk around...I had to stay in bed...only thing I was allowed to do was get up to use the bathroom with the nurses help). He starts the epidural and it was not as bad as I thought it would be...but, I am having contractions in between and having a hard time sitting still. Justin and the nurse there, Jessica, were both great-- telling me that if I just try to sit still for a few more minutes I'd have relief...so I just kept telling myself that. But, the minute he started the actually medication, I instantly got sick to the stomach and had my first round of throwing up! Not fun! After the epidural was started, my doctor came back in to check my progress..surprisingly I was 7 cm and 100% effaced. I was so excited to hear that! I remember laying there and feeling so much better for a while. I would look at the monitor and see I was having a huge contraction and just be like "ok". lol. I felt some pressure from them, but no pain. It was great! The next time they checked me, I was 8 cm (about an hour later) and then they let me try to sleep for a little while (yeah right- justin slept, I didn't..lol)...they checked me again and I was almost 10 cm- a half hour later I was ready to push. And sadly the epi starts wearing off a bit. I did have a little button I could push to administer more, but it wasn't near as effective as the initial dose. It was about 3 am at this point and in comes the doctor and everyone is ready for me to start pushing. I asked them how long they thought it'd be and they told me that first time moms can push anywhere from less than 1 hr - 3 hrs. I kept thinking, oh god, let this be quick! Well, it wasn't! I had to push for 3 hrs! During the 3 hours of pushing, I managed to throw up 2 more times...I'm not 100% sure why, but it was not pleasant! I remember feeling so much pressure and thinking it would never end, I continued to press the epi button every now and then but it didn't seem to help anymore. Everyone kept telling me I was doing so good but I didn't believe them- I kept thinking "just get this baby out". At one point, I think I told Justin that I wanted a c-section cause I was so tired of pushing. lol. Boy am I happy I stuck with it though. At around 6:50 or so, Morgan's head had completely crowned, they told me to push again and then I had to stop suddenly as they realized her umbilical cord was around her neck (luckily this had not hurt her any or interfered during the entire labor..they think it only wrapped around towards the end). They told me to push again and they soon realized she had managed to flip herself back over to sunny side up (they had told me earlier that she was in the correct position and face down)...the last push, the rest of her just flew out it seemed. I had some tearing due to her position, so needed some stitching which was horrible as the epidural was very low at that point and I felt everything as she stitched...but inspite of the pain, Morgan was in my arms and it was such an incredible almost euphoric experience. I can't even describe it. I just kept looking at her and saying her name and she was screaming her head off, but it was so great! lol. I didn't even seem to care that I still had to deliver the placenta. lol. But, we got to hold her for 2 hours and then they took her to the nursery to do her first bath and measurements while I was moved to my post-partum room and showered up.
Our little Morgan was born at 6:58 am on Sunday, Sept. 9th and weighed 6 lbs. 8 1/2 oz. and was 20 inches long. She was just so perfect- still is! As previously mentioned she was (and still is) having some jaundice and breastfeeding issues...but, she is doing great and just being monitored a bit more closely. Sometimes I can't believe that this all has happened. My due date is tomorrow (Sept. 21) and part of me is feeling sad that I am no longer anticipating her arrival. I am so happy she is here, but have been struggling with post-partum issues. Today, I had to go to the obgyn's to talk to them about it as it was getting bad. I am now on a low dose of anti-depressants for about 2 weeks and then have to go back after the 2 weeks to see if those are helping. If they aren't helping too much, the dosage will be increased. I am happy that I may have some relief soon, but just wish that I didn't have to be going through this depression. Mostly my depression consists of feeling so overwhelmingly sad that I am not pregnant anymore- I miss feeling her kicking and anticipating so much! I also feel like I'm having a hard time adjusting to the new responsibilities and how things will never be the same for Justin and I again...and I am also finding myself sad that it's already been almost 2 weeks since we were in the hospital and she was born. It's made me realize how fast time is going to go and I just am not ready for her to grow up fast. I just pray that things get better soon as it has been very hard for me since her birth. Don't get me wrong, I am happy she is born and I love her to pieces, but this has been a lot harder than I thought it would be to deal with her not being inside me anymore but out in the world. If you could say some prayers for me, that'd be great. I just pray that this first dosage works okay. By the sounds of it, once they get the dosage right, I'll be on it for about 2-3 months depending on what they think. The good thing is that the dosages are low enough that I can continue to breastfeed (even if it has to be increased). So that is good. Justin has decided to take another week off work to make sure that the meds start helping me. I'm so happy he is as it has been a blessing to have him with me and help me through all these adjustments. He is an amazing husband and is proving to be an amazing father!
Well, I hear Morgan stirring so must go...time for feeding again...it seems that is all I do these days. I thank you in advance for the prayers! Will post more pictures and updates when I can find the time again! :)