american idiot

[greendaygrrl44]

so i finally bought the new green day cd like sexxy_kitten suggested, lol. i like it a bunch, and it feels good to have something familiar ringing in my ears. music has been consuming me for many years now, and i keep having to fight off the urge to be the one on stage, letting the world fall away as i become words, rythms, and emotions instead

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it's a naughty world and i'm a naughty girl

[greendaygrrl44]

i hope you got super drunk for me at the game!!! it's so weird to think about this time last year (monroe and i getting our pictures taken with the high school drum major, hahaha) and how i kind of wish i could go back to it despite all the stress of writing papers and dealing with who's not keeping up their part of cleaning. and it was super-ass cold! it will be strange to come home to indiana soon, like in a month, more or less! i'm still more confused than ever, and now i've fucked up--i missed a phone call from joe last night because i was helping edison with his english homework. that means that the lies are starting now, and joe gets here on saturday! (side note, written after the fact: joe and i just talked and he didn't even ask where i was-just said that he would call tonight instead, which is good cuz edi and i don't have plans until wednesday night.) and edison told me on saturday that he really does love me and that he suffers because he knows that i don't love him. then, we were watching romeo and juliet with two other friends, and i asked him what he wants from me, and he said everything, and i said what happens if i give him everything, and he said he would make me the happiest girl in the world. and he said that he feels that reaching my heart is impossible, and that's why he has to look into my eyes to try and see what i'm thinking. and things keep progressing...i went to his house on saturday and he showed me his family photo album and i found out that he had a brother who died young, and then yesterday i met his parents and other brother, but nothing serious, i was introduced as his friend, except to his brother, who he said, this is cassandra, with a huge smile that said, "like you know, the one i've been telling you about." i don't know what the fuck i am going to do!!! why am i so afraid of living? i don't know which way to go. i just keeping asking god to show me which way, but as of right now, i don't know what to do, so all i am doing is not doing anything, which means that the situation keeps escalating and i am putting myself down deeper in this mess. well, now all i am doing is talking in circles, so i will babble at you more later. miss you bunches chica!!!!!!!!