(no subject)
Yeah I have lots of homework. Not really, but it feels like it. I haven't done any of it because I'm stupid...yeah.
I'm just so tired of things always being the same, but then when someone asks me to do something different, either because I can't...like I already have plans, or my mom said no or something...Or because I don't think I'll be able too. Like I don't want to do anything to change. I can't make myself. I know I should. But I just feel like I can't. I hate that feeling. I'm just watching myself being stupid, but still not changing.
All at the same time I just want everything to be different. Completely. I don't want to make all the decisions to the stupid things like what I do on Friday. I want to make the decisions that are important and will affect me. I want to try new things, be a...healthier person I guess...and care more about things that actually matter. In the beginning of tenth grade I was doing great. I was a great student. I felt good about myself. Now things should be good, better even, but I can't seem to be happy.
The other day my mom was talking to me and she said "Remember, don't spend all your time with Alec like your sister does with her boyfriends. Have other friends too." I know what she means. It might sound like a mean comment, but I definintely noticed every time my sister dropped all of her friends for a boy. I always told myself I wouldn't do that, but I guess I have. But, I can't help it. I love spending time with him. I'm always so happy when I get to...:) Still, I've always had many friends, and I've never had to worry about someone like that. Of course I always cared, but now its different.
I think a great way to relieve stress would be to have some sort of party with all of my girlfriends. We can just relax and have fun. Maybe not everyone, because there are some major enemies in my group of friends, but the people that I love the most. Whether it's been 6 months since I've talked to them, or just 6 hours...I want people there that I know I can trust and get along with.
I'm getting kind of ahead of myself here. I know this won't happen...but maybe just planning it will help me relax.
I do love planning parties....
I'm just so tired of things always being the same, but then when someone asks me to do something different, either because I can't...like I already have plans, or my mom said no or something...Or because I don't think I'll be able too. Like I don't want to do anything to change. I can't make myself. I know I should. But I just feel like I can't. I hate that feeling. I'm just watching myself being stupid, but still not changing.
All at the same time I just want everything to be different. Completely. I don't want to make all the decisions to the stupid things like what I do on Friday. I want to make the decisions that are important and will affect me. I want to try new things, be a...healthier person I guess...and care more about things that actually matter. In the beginning of tenth grade I was doing great. I was a great student. I felt good about myself. Now things should be good, better even, but I can't seem to be happy.
The other day my mom was talking to me and she said "Remember, don't spend all your time with Alec like your sister does with her boyfriends. Have other friends too." I know what she means. It might sound like a mean comment, but I definintely noticed every time my sister dropped all of her friends for a boy. I always told myself I wouldn't do that, but I guess I have. But, I can't help it. I love spending time with him. I'm always so happy when I get to...:) Still, I've always had many friends, and I've never had to worry about someone like that. Of course I always cared, but now its different.
I think a great way to relieve stress would be to have some sort of party with all of my girlfriends. We can just relax and have fun. Maybe not everyone, because there are some major enemies in my group of friends, but the people that I love the most. Whether it's been 6 months since I've talked to them, or just 6 hours...I want people there that I know I can trust and get along with.
I'm getting kind of ahead of myself here. I know this won't happen...but maybe just planning it will help me relax.
I do love planning parties....