(no subject)
she was in the libraby sitting reading papers.
looking always content. always at peace.
she noted on the missed appointment last week and no word from me.
i'm like that. and i like being like that.
she wants me to talk with her.
to discuss this situation and my need to move on.
she wants me to stay. she thinks it would be best for me.
if i feel like someone wants or requires explanations for my actions...i just don't like to.
but i am learning that it is ok.
and that sometimes my explanations allow others to see things differently
and that they put things into the concrete for me and enable myself to understand me
a little better.
and they form, in some crazy odd way, around logic instead of irrational emotion.
but
i have never felt so fucking passionate and alive.
and i'm sort of tired of people telling me what they think is best for me.
making me feel guilty for feeling differently and then denying myself of my passions.
there are some things i am doing that are not for me. and i am doing them, and have been doing them, because i feel like i 'should' be doing these things.
sort of like people who go on diets all the time and deny their bodies the needs they require in order function as effeciently and peacefully as they can.
forcing myself to be these things that i am not to fit inside the molds this culture has shaped around billions of us has been utterly exhausting.
i'm tired of being exhausted. of not sleeping. of not having time to breathe.
that's not the way it is suppose to be.
this culture is to fucked up on this sub human standard of living.
there was this line in a movie: "they're all fucking sheep and in the end sheep get slaughtered."
looking always content. always at peace.
she noted on the missed appointment last week and no word from me.
i'm like that. and i like being like that.
she wants me to talk with her.
to discuss this situation and my need to move on.
she wants me to stay. she thinks it would be best for me.
if i feel like someone wants or requires explanations for my actions...i just don't like to.
but i am learning that it is ok.
and that sometimes my explanations allow others to see things differently
and that they put things into the concrete for me and enable myself to understand me
a little better.
and they form, in some crazy odd way, around logic instead of irrational emotion.
but
i have never felt so fucking passionate and alive.
and i'm sort of tired of people telling me what they think is best for me.
making me feel guilty for feeling differently and then denying myself of my passions.
there are some things i am doing that are not for me. and i am doing them, and have been doing them, because i feel like i 'should' be doing these things.
sort of like people who go on diets all the time and deny their bodies the needs they require in order function as effeciently and peacefully as they can.
forcing myself to be these things that i am not to fit inside the molds this culture has shaped around billions of us has been utterly exhausting.
i'm tired of being exhausted. of not sleeping. of not having time to breathe.
that's not the way it is suppose to be.
this culture is to fucked up on this sub human standard of living.
there was this line in a movie: "they're all fucking sheep and in the end sheep get slaughtered."