Kamen /// Forgotten Feelings /// Oneshot (Sequel) Part I
“Guess what?!“
Kazuya looked up from the script he was reading. He sat at the couch they had placed in the backstage area of the huge house they were filming in.
Uchi stood across from him in a corner, typing something into his cell phone, while Miyao sat beside Kazuya, doing nothing but staring in front himself, probably thinking about something.
Tegoshi had opened the door, coming in with an excited expression.
“What?” Miyao raised a brow, looking interested.
“We’ll be going on tour”, Tegoshi announced.
“Eh? Aren’t you doing winter tours usually? I thought, Ryo-chan was going to work with Eito this summer.” Uchi frowned.
Tegoshi shook his head. “I don’t know about Kanjani, but Ryo is busy with the movie he’s filming.”
Kazuya tilted his head. “So, it’s Tegomasu?”
Vehemently, the youngest nodded. “We’ll get to record a second album and then we’ll go on tour this summer! I feel so hyped up!” He made a striking pose.
Miyao laughed slightly. “Concerts must be fun.”
Uchi nodded. “They are the best.”
Tegoshi threw him a look, concern in his eyes. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have…”
“Nah, it’s fine, I know you love to be on tour”, Uchi answered and smiled slightly.
“It’s not like he ever was a part of Tegomasu, anyways”, Kazuya commented and put his script away.
“Still…”, Tegoshi started, but fell silent, when Uchi patted his shoulder. “It’s fine, Tegonyan.”
Tegoshi nodded and watched Uchi leaving, then he turned back to the other two.
“You’re excited, being all alone with that Masuda-kun, huh?”
He threw Miyao a look, noticed the slight smirk in Kazuya’s face. “It’s not like we’d be alone much…”
“Kame-kun told me how much you like that boy.” Miyao waved his hand in front of his face, smiling broadly. “How you’ve been calling him, when you guys went to Osaka last year.”
“Kamenashi-kun”, Tegoshi whined. “You totally got that wrong.”
“He’s your best friend, isn’t he?” Kazuya looked like he had done nothing wrong.
“Well… no.” Tegoshi pouted slightly. “He’s totally not; I have a lot of friends who are a lot more like me.”
“There are more people like you?”
Kazuya laughed at that comment from Miyao and gave Tegoshi a wink then. “Don’t get angry, Tegoshi-kun. I know what it’s like.”
Tegoshi calmed down and held back a grin. “Of course you would.”
Ignoring that comment, Kazuya turned back to read in his script again, not listening to the conversation, Tegoshi and Miyao started then.
He would love to go on tour again, too. Being all around Japan for a few months, travelling from one city to another.
It was always stressful, but Kazuya also loved it.
Especially, because he could see Jin all the time. It was exciting to sneak out of his room early in the morning to get back to his own, just so that no one would notice what was going on between them.
As it looked by now, Kazuya was sure they’d get to go on tour this summer, as well. There was no reason to not let them.
Kazuya was sure it was the same for Tegoshi, that it was exactly that, what made him so excited about going on tour, as well. He couldn’t tell for sure, didn’t know exactly, but judging from the time they spent in Osaka, Kazuya was sure that Tegoshi’s relationship to Masuda probably wasn’t that different from his to Jin.
Osaka, he thought, remembering the days of October, he had spent there.
He had travelled with the night express to go to Tokyo, see Jin for just a few hours. That night had been sweet, Jin had been sweet and caring with him.
He sighed and looked at the spot, Uchi had stood in.
It had just been about a month, since the last incident. Jin hadn’t been mad at Kazuya, but still, he had felt so bad for what had happened with Uchi.
Kazuya had been sleeping, but still, it felt strange to even just think of it again.
From then on, he had started to concentrate on Tegoshi more, but Uchi had done the same, so the youngest one had ended up in confusion between them.
Not that he seemed to mind it, really, Tegoshi was an attention whore, but still, of course he wondered where all the attention he got came from.
“Did you fight with Ucchi”, he had asked Kazuya the other day. He couldn’t have lied to Tegoshi, so he had simply shook his head, asking both of them out for dinner that day.
It had been a nice evening, and when he had told Jin about it, he had only said that it was okay, as long as Tegoshi was with them, because Uchi wouldn’t try anything then for sure.
So, in order to keep up the atmosphere at work, Kazuya kept being on friendly terms with Uchi, treating him nicely and not different from the others.
But if he could, he rather spent his time with Tegoshi, just to reassure his mind that he wasn’t cheating on Jin in any way.
“Kamenashi-kun”, Tegoshi said and plopped down to the couch next to him. “It’s your birthday soon, isn’t it?”
Kazuya tilted his head, but nodded then. “Indeed.”
“Do you want anything special?”
He blinked his eyes. “No, you don’t need to get me anything.”
“I want to. You called for my birthday - you even were the very first one.” Tegoshi smiled. “I want to do something for you, too.”
“You guys have something planned, however, don’t you?”
Tegoshi laughed slightly and shrugged a shoulder. “I wouldn’t bet on that, you know.”
Grinning, Kazuya turned his head back to the script. “Where’s Aya-chan, anyways?”
“She’s joining later today. For this morning it’s just the four of us filming.”
“I see”, Kazuya answered and stretched. “Are we getting started then?”
“Yeah, let’s”, Tegoshi joined and hopped from the couch, walking ahead.
Kazuya smiled, as he followed, happy that they all started to work in a good mood that day.
Jin tilted his head back, as his mobile started ringing. He decided to ignore it and closed his eyes.
“Jin, someone’s calling you”, a friend reminded him and Jin opened an eye, glancing at him. It was one of his back dancers, only fifteen, so delicate and young with a lot of potential, he thought.
Too young to understand him, as well.
“I don’t want to pick it up”, he said shortly.
The boy went over to the table the phone was lying at. It has stopped in the meanwhile, but just started ringing again in that moment.
He picked it up from the table. “It’s a Kazuya.”
Jin’s head shot up and he rose from his seat, taking the mobile from the boy’s hand. Without a word, he made his way out of the backstage room they had been in, to his private dressing room.
It had been nearly a month, since Kazuya had last called him during work. And right now, with his solo concerts, Jin was more than busy, so Kazuya mostly let him be.
That meant it had to be important.
“What’s up”, Jin answered the phone.
“God, I’m so glad you finally picked up”, Kazuya said and it strangely made it hard for Jin to swallow. It was like a huge lump in is throat was keeping him from doing so.
“Did something happen?”
“A lot did, actually. It’s been so long we’ve last met, Jin.”
“I’m sorry, I’m…”
“It’s okay. Just, tonight, when you’re done, come to my place instead of going home, okay? I know it’s further from the theatre, but…”
“It’s fine, I’ll be there”, Jin interrupted and smiled slightly. “I want that, too.”
“I’m sorry I can’t make it to watch your concert”, Kazuya said silently, real disappointment in his voice.
If this was about Kazuya’s bad conscience, then it made Jin feel a lot lighter already. “Don’t worry, you’re working hard yourself. You’ll get a private performance then.”
Kazuya laughed at that. “Let’s stay together on stage again, Jin.”
“Sounds good to me.”
“Doesn’t it?” Kazuya took a deep breath. “They told me today, Jin, we’ll go on tour in May, and not just the usual one. We’ll go overseas.”
Jin had to process that first. He stared at the wall in front of him, swallowed. “Are you serious?”
“Totally.”
“That’s amazing. We’ve made it.”
“Let’s work hard to make it a success, alright?” Kazuya’s voice was so cheerful, and yet determined to accomplish what he was aiming for.
Jin smiled instinctively. “I need to go back. Thanks for the good news, Kazuya”, he said.
“I’ll see you tonight.”
“Can’t wait”, Jin added, before he hung up. He went back to the room everyone had gathered in, before the concert was about to start and put his mobile onto the table again.
“Okay, are we ready to go on stage?”
Everyone gathered around and Jin smiled slightly, remembering the words Kazuya had said to him. When they went on stage, he saw his manager talking to a strange, foreign looking man, frowned over that, but got distracted as the music started playing, making him fall into another world, into another personality, as he went out on stage.
It was still rushing through his blood, still making him feel high, as he came to Kazuya’s apartment several hours later.
A nice smell welcomed him and with a grin, Jin said loudly: “I’m home.”
Kazuya appeared in the corridor, smiling at him brightly. “Welcome back.”
Jin stopped, stared at him. “What happened to your hair?”
“I got it cut. I told you, I would.”
Pulling a face, Jin shook his head. “I didn’t think it’d turn out that short.”
Kazuya instinctively touched it. “You don’t like it?”
“Absolutely not. Too short.”
Kazuya grinned. “I can’t help that.”
“Grow it long again.” The older one pulled off his jacket. “I like it better when it’s long.”
“I know you do”, he just received as an answer.
“Did you cook?”
Kazuya nodded and hurried back into the kitchen. As Jin had dropped off his boots, he followed him, finding the table laid for two, something delicious-smelling cooking at the stove.
“I figured you must be hungry.”
Jin nodded. “I’m starving. But I didn’t eat with the staff, because I hoped you’d have that idea.”
Laughing, Kazuya filled the rice into bowls. “Sit, it’s all ready.”
The older one smiled affectionately, as he watched Kazuya. He sat down on the chair he usually claimed and folded his arms at the table. “How’s filming going?”
“It’s nice. We’re working together well.” Kazuya sat down across from him and smiled, taking his chop sticks.
Jin took a bite and made a humming sound, showing off his likings in the food. “Delicious.”
“Did the concert today go well?”
He nodded and looked up at Kazuya. “Everything as usual. I’m quite used to it by now, it’s coming all automatically.”
Cutting his meat, Kazuya looked down again. “I’m glad then. Tegoshi told me today that Yamashita-kun is going to come watch it sometime these days.”
“Yeah, he’ll come next week. The fans are going to get crazy.”
It kept silent and they both ate their meals, until Jin suddenly got up quickly and rushed out of the room.
Kazuya watched him with a raised brow, as he came back in, putting something small to the table.
“What’s that?”
Jin grinned, as he sat down again. “That’s what this dinner is about, isn’t it?”
Kazuya looked up from the mall package, blinking at Jin. “Eh?”
“Valentine’s?”
Gasping, Kazuya stared at Jin with huge eyes. “It’s today?”
Jin laughed slightly. “You completely forgot about it, didn’t you?”
“We’ve been filming an episode about it, but I didn’t think about it being so soon.” He bit his lip. “I didn’t get you anything.”
“You invited me over and cooked dinner. Finish it up with some good sex later and we’re completely even.”
Relaxing, Kazuya smiled at him. “Thanks for this.” Taking the small package, he carefully unwrapped it and opened the case then, finding a necklace pretty similar to one he usually wore.
“I thought, if it’s something you would buy yourself anyways, it wouldn’t be that suspicious and you could wear it without worries.”
Kazuya laughed. “You thought that?”
“What? People are looking closely, don’t they?” Jin finished his meal, shoving the plate away to lean over the table.
Kazuya nodded. “I guess they do. It’s pretty.”
“It’s nothing but colourful stones”, the older one corrected and stood up to walk around the table and help Kazuya putting it on. After he had closed it behind Kazuya’s neck, Jin bent down and placed a kiss to it, hearing the rustle of Kazuya’s clothes, as he brought up his hands to grip Jin’s arms around his shoulders.
“You should give me your present now”, Jin murmured into the crook of Kazuya’s neck, making him giggle.
“I haven’t finished eating.”
“You’re not hungry anymore.”
With a laugh, Kazuya got up, let Jin wind his arms around his neck to pull him close, while his hands got a hold of Jin’s waist. Jin’s hand run into his hair, combing it with his fingers slightly, smiling at him, as he leaned in and pecked Kazuya’s lips.
“You’re getting along well with those two, aren’t you?”
Kazuya blinked, looked at Jin’s eyes. “Who?”
“Uchi and Tegoshi, you spend a lot of time with them, don’t you?” Jin pulled him closer, his hand sliding down to the back of Kazuya’s neck, holding him there.
“It’s….” What was Jin up to? What did he want to hear to that? “I am not trying to betray you, Jin.”
He smiled, took another peck from those lips, before he slowly moved backwards, pulling Kazuya with him.
“You’re acting strange today, Jin.”
“Keep it up, okay”, Jin asked and pushed the kitchen door open, leaving the room.
“What? Jin, I don’t get…” Kazuya stumbled, fell against Jin and gasped, as the older one embraced him tightly.
“Keep that friendship with them up. Keep going out; let them take care of you.”
“That sounds like you wanted to break up with me”, Kazuya mumbled, still confused with the situation they were in.
“I am not”, Jin reassured him. “But I want you to have someone else than me to turn to.”
“In what kind of situation?” Kazuya frowned. “Not too long ago, you told me you’re afraid of me turning to someone else, when you’re ever not able to be with me.”
Jin nodded slightly, drew back a bit, his hands skimming down Kazuya’s arms to grip his hands. “I still feel that way, but that’s childish, isn’t it? I can’t be the only person you trust.”
Kazuya smiled. “You are a child, Jin. It’s okay to think that way. I don’t want to turn to anyone else.” He tangled their fingers together. “You’re the one I trust the most.”
With a slight smile, Jin leaned in, pressed his lips to Kazuya’s and stole a kiss from him, a longer one this time, deeper and heated. “Keep that in mind.”
Kazuya just managed to blink, before Jin pulled him with him again, making his way to the bedroom.
“Okay, cut!”
Kazuya loosened up, looked to Uchi at his side and wondered where exactly Tegoshi had disappeared to that quickly.
Miyao scooted out of the women’s embraces, getting up from the couch and bowing to them.
“Aya-chan, are you getting…”
Kazuya fell silent, as the lights went dark. He noticed the camera’s still rolling and held back a smirk.
“Happy Birthday!” Everyone gathered around him and someone opened the huge doors, bringing in a cake with lots of candles; twenty-four, he assumed.
“Thank you”, Kazuya said and smiled, bowing to them. He turned, as he heard a voice, started to laugh, as Tegoshi came down the stairs singing a birthday song.
Everyone applauded at him and Kazuya thanked them again, blew out the candles. It took a while, before they set off the cameras, let them get back to normal.
Kazuya gave the flowers to one of the ADs to put them into some water and then cut the cake.
“I will leave first”, Miyao excused himself after a while then and bowed slightly to them, before leaving the room.
Slowly, the crowd in the living room lit up and one after another made their way back to their work or to the changing rooms, to get ready to get home.
Kazuya did the same, went with Uchi to get changed.
“You know, I’d like to eat pasta again.”
Kazuya blinked at him.
“Last time when Tegoshi and I came over to visit you - the pasta you’d made was pretty good.” Uchi grinned at him.
Kazuya tilted his head. “They were leftovers, actually. I had made them the day before for…” He fell silent and looked to the ground.
“Jin”, Uchi completed the sentence. “He likes pasta a lot, too?”
Kazuya nodded. “It’s easy to make, so it’s something he can even do himself. Mine are better, though.”
Uchi laughed. “They were the best I ever had.”
He couldn’t help it; it warmed his heart to hear that. And he knew, by now, Uchi didn’t have any bad intentions. He just wanted them to be normal again. “I’ll make fresh ones for you next time.”
“Kamenashi-kun!”
He turned, as he heard his manager calling him and raised a brow. “What is it?”
“We’re having an urgent meeting. Get changed and then come outside, we’re driving over to the office, the others will be waiting there.”
Kazuya gave Uchi a look, and the younger one shrugged a shoulder.
“Something about the band?”
“Apparently”, Kazuya answered and hurried to the changing rooms, getting out of his costume. He bit Uchi a quick goodbye, as he was done and left.
“What is it about”, he asked, as he slid into the backseat of the car.
“We’ll explain it to you, when everyone is gathered.”
His manager sounded stressed and Kazuya knew that was a bad sign already.
He kept silent and waited for them to arrive at the office, following inside. As his mobile started vibrating in his pocket, he stopped and pulled it out.
“Jin”, he answered. “Isn’t it a bit late to call now? My birthday is almost…”
“You’re not at the meeting yet”, Jin interrupted his words.
Kazuya frowned. “No?”
“That’s good.” He sounded relieved.
“What’s that about, Jin?”
“Listen, Kazuya”, he said and his voice sounded urgent. “I wanted to tell you beforehand, I really did. You shouldn’t find out like this, not from them. I shouldn’t tell you over the phone, but I want you to at least hear it from me personally. I didn’t get the chance and this all developed so quickly. They decided it today, and I couldn’t ask for your opinion on this, but I knew what you would have said, so I…”
“Jin!” Kazuya heard him fall silent. “What is that about? What happened?”
“I’ll be there in ten minutes. I won’t let you go through that all by yourself. Koki’s going to lose his temper and Ueda’s going to be mad, most likely, but you’ll keep your head, okay?”
Kazuya stared at the door in front of him, his grip around the telephone tight. “Jin, just tell me finally. What is happening?”
“Some American producers came to watch my concerts, a few, actually, and they… I’ll go back to L.A., Kazuya, giving concerts there.”
Kazuya felt his heart drop from his throat, where it had been beating loudly, down to his knees. “How come…”
“I wanted to tell you, right after they first made the offer. The managers agreed to it today. I didn’t have much to add.” Jin’s voice was thick, loaded with heavy feelings of guilt. “I should have told you.”
“When? How long?” The questions just spilled from his mind.
Jin hesitated, but he knew he had to tell Kazuya. “In May. Another six months.”
They both knew what it meant, Kazuya didn’t have to voice the facts. He kept silent instead; blinking his eyes, knowing Jin wasn’t trying to hurt him with that.
It had always been his dream.
“It’s…” The younger one tried to swallow the lump in his throat, but he couldn’t go against it, it made him feel like choking, drowning. “Congratulations.”
“That’s my line today; it’s your birthday, after all.”
“You have more of a reason to celebrate, don’t you?”
“Kazuya…” Jin took a deep breath. “Let me say it once, okay?”
Kazuya bit his lip, tried to gather his thoughts. “I hate it.”
“I know, but it’ll calm me down. And it’ll calm you. I promise.”
Kazuya didn’t answer; he covered his mouth, trying to pull himself together. “I am calm.”
It kept silent, then Jin forced his will through and slowly said: “I’ll be there in a few minutes, babe.”
Kazuya just hung up and he knew he shouldn’t have, but Jin had been wrong.
It didn’t calm him, not at all. He didn’t like to be called that, never had. But after all, he was the only one Jin bothered to call by stupid nicknames. He wouldn’t care to do that to anyone else - only to the one he loved.
Kazuya bit his teeth together and walked in, opening the door to the meeting room.
Everyone was staring at him, and he wondered if his expression said too much already. He chose the chair next to Koki on purpose, remembering Jin’s words. The one to his left was empty, and he hoped Jin would notice that, too.
“Okay, with everyone around, we can start.” One of the managers got up to talk.
“Jin’s not here yet”, Ueda said.
“We don’t need him. He already knows.”
Nakamaru frowned, glancing at Kazuya, who kept looking at his hands in his lap.
“Actually, we agreed to an offer for Akanishi-kun today.” The manager looked at them, before he continued: “He’s been offered to give concerts in America, and we decided to let him.”
The room was silent, Kazuya felt Koki tense beside him.
“When”, Taguchi asked.
“That is the problem about it, actually.” The manager sighed slightly. “The offer is made for June. With all preparations that have to be made, we’ll have to let him leave in May, I guess.”
Koki got up from his chair, banging his fist to the table. “That’s impossible.”
“It’s a chance that doesn’t come by every day.”
“But we’ll be having our tour, Kat-tun’s tour, in those months!”
“It’s his dream, he can’t possibly say no to that.”
Everyone directed their attention at Kazuya, who had just said those words.
“But, Kame, this is not just about him, but also about us”, Nakamaru said.
Kazuya nodded, saw Ueda crossing his arms and looking at the table, his lips forming a hard line. He was mad.
“It’s no use losing our temper about this. We need to look at this objectively and we need to keep our minds.”
It was what Jin heard, when he opened the door, seeing Koki standing next to Kazuya. They all turned to him and he went in, taking the empty seat beside his lover.
It remained silent and Jin took a deep breath, bowing his head. “I am sorry.”
“You’d better be”, Koki hissed.
“Koki”, Kazuya started, but Jin stopped him by putting his hand over Kazuya’s in his lap. It made the younger one stare at him. They never touched or showed affection or any proof of their closeness, when other people were around.
It was like a deal they had settled on.
“It’s okay, Kazuya, he’s right to be angry.”
Kazuya knew it wasn’t just hard for him, so he turned his hand, until his palm was against Jin’s.
“I know you guys are angry with me, and I can understand it. I can’t reject the offer, though”, Jin said and looked at Taguchi across from him. He seemed less angry than Ueda and Koki, while Nakamaru’s expression was rather blank. “It’s a once-in-a-lifetime-chance and I want to take it.”
“What kind of tour is it going to be?”
The question came from Nakamaru and a manager took the part to answer.
“He’s settled for two concerts, so far. We’ll see what it’s going to be like and then probably add more dates.”
“You could be back for our tour then”, Taguchi threw in.
“That’s difficult with the visa. We’ll make one for six months, so if he leaves in May, he won’t be back until October.”
Jin noticed Kazuya going stiff next to him. He ran his thumb subtly over Kazuya’s. “So, there is no way for me to do both?”
The manager shook his head.
“Why does he have to stay until October anyways? Isn’t July enough?” Koki still hadn’t sat down.
“We want to leave this open, as long as we can. It’s easier to get him a visa for six months than for three, actually, so, since it’s for work, it has to be six months.”
“Will you leave the band?”
It was the first time, Ueda spoke up and Jin looked over to him, seeing he hadn’t even looked up while speaking. Nakamaru had his eyes on him, his blank expression changed into a worried one.
“I don’t think so.”
“If it goes well, if you’re going to succeed, there’s no way you’ll be coming back to do the boy band stuff”, Koki remarked and no one answered, knowing he was just too right about it. “You’ll make your thing over there.”
It didn’t affect him. Jin looked at the table, wondering why it didn’t hurt at all. Koki was right, it was the truth, probably that’s why.
“I don’t plan on leaving the band, as for now”, was all he could say. “But I’ll be going to take that chance.”
Kazuya had been listening silently all that while and now sat up straight, pulling his hand from beneath Jin’s, leaning in to put his arms to the table.
“We’ve been through this before. We’ve been fine; we did well, didn’t we?”
Jin watched him, wondered why exactly now it started to hurt.
“We’re going to make this on our own, do the tour with the five of us, do the promotions and everything that will come up during that time as the five of us.” Kazuya threw a look at Koki. “We’ll do our thing, until Jin’s going to come back and join us again. We know what it’ll be like; we’re able to arrange us. We did it before.”
Jin frowned, he didn’t know why exactly, but the way Kazuya was so understanding, so fully behind him, hurt. He knew Kazuya would be; he had known it from the beginning. But somehow, he started to wish Kazuya would be more like Koki, making a fuss, telling him to stay.
It hit Jin, as he realised.
Kazuya was the only one who could possibly make him stay, make him change his mind. Because Kazuya was the one he loved. And if Kazuya loved him, too, wouldn’t he want to try making Jin stay with him?
Wouldn’t he be a bit less supportive of that idea?
Taguchi nodded. “I think Kame is right. We should just let things go their way and see where it’ll take all of us.”
Ueda didn’t say a thing, Nakamaru nodded to those words and Koki expressed his approval with sitting down again.
Jin looked at each of them, knowing they wouldn’t change his mind, but when Kazuya turned to him and smiled, he felt like falling apart.
He started to wish he would change his mind. But Kazuya was the only one being capable of making him.
And Kazuya didn’t even try.
“You didn’t complain just once”, Jin noticed, as they left the office later together.
Kazuya looked at him. Jin made a very tired impression, actually. He had come here straight from his concert, without getting to rest a bit. “Shall I drive? You can leave your car here; I’m off tomorrow morning, so I could bring you over to work.”
Jin just nodded, as he followed Kazuya to his car, got into the passenger’s seat. “What do you think about it, Kazuya?”
The younger one didn’t answer, as he pulled off the parking lot and drove over to the street.
“I think you’ve gotten a great chance offered there.”
Jin watched him. Music was quietly filling the silence between them. “Is that all you think?”
Kazuya started to hum to the music, turning it a bit louder. Jin pulled a face.
“Kazuya…”
“That’s all I think, Jin. I am happy for you.”
Jin fell silent to that statement, nodded slightly. Of course Kazuya was. He loved him, he wanted Jin to be happy, so he would fully support his decisions.
He didn’t try any further to talk about it; instead, Jin listened to Kazuya’s husky voice singing quietly along to the song in the radio.
It was a sad one, drowned in a heavy blue sound with lovesick lyrics.
Kazuya stopped the car in front of the apartment complex Jin lived in and hesitated, before he got out of the car, following Jin.
“We should have stopped by a convenience store; I guess I don’t have anything eatable stored in.”
The younger one shrugged a shoulder. “I am not really hungry.”
“But for tomorrow morning, we should at least…”
“I’m not sleeping over, Jin.”
He stopped in front of the elevator and stared at Kazuya. “Why?”
“I need to get some things done, while I’m off. So, I will do that tonight, pick you up tomorrow morning and then sleep in the whole day.” Kazuya smiled slightly, as he walked into the lift.
Jin followed slowly. “It’s your birthday.”
“I’ll go and see my family now”, Kazuya said.
“I ruined it for you.”
He looked at Jin, slowly shook his head. “You didn’t. You made it a lot better. I said I was happy for you, didn’t I?”
“This day should only be about you.” Jin walked ahead, as the doors slid open. “And now, everything is about me.”
“That’s nothing new to me”, Kazuya commented dryly. “I’m not getting jealous at your success, Jin.”
Stopping in front of his door, Jin turned to him and gave him a look, Kazuya dared consider it as a pout. “You’re not like me.”
Smiling, Kazuya stepped closer, smiled at Jin. “We’re over that, Jin. We moved on, didn’t we? We can handle this.”
Pulling out his keys from his pocket, Jin nodded. “You want to come in?”
Kazuya shook his head and leaned in, his lips brushing against Jin’s.
He smiled slightly, as he noticed Jin staring at his eyes, like hypnotised and licked his bottom lip, making Jin shudder slightly.
Kazuya took advantage of it and deepened the kiss, heard the keys falling to the ground.
It was as if it woke Jin - he winced and blinked his eyes twice, then he picked up his keys, looking at Kazuya again, trying to see what he was thinking.
The younger one smiled at him, in a gentle way, but there was something in his eyes. Something else, blinking at him almost childishly.
Jin turned to lock up the door, fumbling with the keys in his hands to find the right one.
“If I’d come in with you now, you wouldn’t let me go again, would you?”
Jin’s hands stopped and the keys fell again.
Kazuya laughed and this time, bent down to pick them up for Jin. He put them into the older man’s hand, held on to it, before he leaned in again, taking another kiss. He made it a sensitive one, slow and gentle; taking Jin’s breath with it.
“Good night, Jin.”
Jin just nodded, opened the door and walked in, closing the door. Kazuya stood for a moment longer, pressing his lips together, before he turned.
He smiled to himself, as he heard the keys falling again.
Leaving the building, Kazuya tried to calm himself down. He was shaken up inside, probably just as much as Jin was. He knew the teasing had just been to make Jin calmer, to show him they were still okay, still the same.
But still, it scared Kazuya.
During the call, he had lost his mind, but after that, his senses had returned. He couldn’t let Jin see.
If there was one thing he knew, he would bet his life on, then it was the fact that Jin truly loved him.
He was Jin’s weakness; he was his soft spot, the one thing Jin never had gotten over.
So, if anyone in this world could make Jin stay, could hold him back from leaving, then it was Kazuya.
He knew that a single word of him would be enough to make Jin change his mind, to make him stay and never leave Kazuya’s side.
But that wasn’t what he could take responsibility for. It was Jin’s dream, his aim, his desire to do exactly what he had agreed on today.
It wouldn’t be fair if Kazuya told him how afraid he was of what was coming, how much he would miss him, how much he didn’t want Jin to leave.
His hands were shaking, as he got into his car, but he didn’t hesitate for a second to drive off. Just in case Jin was watching him from his window.
He didn’t want Jin to notice.
As Kazuya got home, he couldn’t even remember how he had gotten there. He strangely felt numb and shaky.
Opening his door, he walked in, closed it behind himself and sighed deeply, before he got down, crouched down right there, winding his arms around himself and facing the floor.
Kazuya felt miserable, cold, drained, all at once, and at the same time to emotionless and empty. It broke his heart to just even imagine Jin would leave, that he wouldn’t see him for such a long time.
Kazuya started to sob quietly, bit his lip to hold it back. As if Jin still was around, he tried to hide his desperation, his tears and swallowed the sobs, tried to stop himself from crying.
But as he looked at the key in this hand, the pink and golden charm attached to it, he couldn’t hold back anymore.
He didn’t want Jin to ever find out, to ever see he suffered so much from this. If he did, he would stay.
Pressing the charm into his fist, Kazuya shifted his weight and fell back against the door, sliding down to sit on the ground, his fist firmly against his chest.
Kazuya couldn’t make Jin stay with him.
He had no right to.
CONTINUES HERE
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I hope no one died of cheesiness here ^^;
I am sorry. This is NOT an ending, I am going to put up a second part to this, as soon as I get around to write it XDD;;
Thank you so much for reading ♥
Kazuya looked up from the script he was reading. He sat at the couch they had placed in the backstage area of the huge house they were filming in.
Uchi stood across from him in a corner, typing something into his cell phone, while Miyao sat beside Kazuya, doing nothing but staring in front himself, probably thinking about something.
Tegoshi had opened the door, coming in with an excited expression.
“What?” Miyao raised a brow, looking interested.
“We’ll be going on tour”, Tegoshi announced.
“Eh? Aren’t you doing winter tours usually? I thought, Ryo-chan was going to work with Eito this summer.” Uchi frowned.
Tegoshi shook his head. “I don’t know about Kanjani, but Ryo is busy with the movie he’s filming.”
Kazuya tilted his head. “So, it’s Tegomasu?”
Vehemently, the youngest nodded. “We’ll get to record a second album and then we’ll go on tour this summer! I feel so hyped up!” He made a striking pose.
Miyao laughed slightly. “Concerts must be fun.”
Uchi nodded. “They are the best.”
Tegoshi threw him a look, concern in his eyes. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have…”
“Nah, it’s fine, I know you love to be on tour”, Uchi answered and smiled slightly.
“It’s not like he ever was a part of Tegomasu, anyways”, Kazuya commented and put his script away.
“Still…”, Tegoshi started, but fell silent, when Uchi patted his shoulder. “It’s fine, Tegonyan.”
Tegoshi nodded and watched Uchi leaving, then he turned back to the other two.
“You’re excited, being all alone with that Masuda-kun, huh?”
He threw Miyao a look, noticed the slight smirk in Kazuya’s face. “It’s not like we’d be alone much…”
“Kame-kun told me how much you like that boy.” Miyao waved his hand in front of his face, smiling broadly. “How you’ve been calling him, when you guys went to Osaka last year.”
“Kamenashi-kun”, Tegoshi whined. “You totally got that wrong.”
“He’s your best friend, isn’t he?” Kazuya looked like he had done nothing wrong.
“Well… no.” Tegoshi pouted slightly. “He’s totally not; I have a lot of friends who are a lot more like me.”
“There are more people like you?”
Kazuya laughed at that comment from Miyao and gave Tegoshi a wink then. “Don’t get angry, Tegoshi-kun. I know what it’s like.”
Tegoshi calmed down and held back a grin. “Of course you would.”
Ignoring that comment, Kazuya turned back to read in his script again, not listening to the conversation, Tegoshi and Miyao started then.
He would love to go on tour again, too. Being all around Japan for a few months, travelling from one city to another.
It was always stressful, but Kazuya also loved it.
Especially, because he could see Jin all the time. It was exciting to sneak out of his room early in the morning to get back to his own, just so that no one would notice what was going on between them.
As it looked by now, Kazuya was sure they’d get to go on tour this summer, as well. There was no reason to not let them.
Kazuya was sure it was the same for Tegoshi, that it was exactly that, what made him so excited about going on tour, as well. He couldn’t tell for sure, didn’t know exactly, but judging from the time they spent in Osaka, Kazuya was sure that Tegoshi’s relationship to Masuda probably wasn’t that different from his to Jin.
Osaka, he thought, remembering the days of October, he had spent there.
He had travelled with the night express to go to Tokyo, see Jin for just a few hours. That night had been sweet, Jin had been sweet and caring with him.
He sighed and looked at the spot, Uchi had stood in.
It had just been about a month, since the last incident. Jin hadn’t been mad at Kazuya, but still, he had felt so bad for what had happened with Uchi.
Kazuya had been sleeping, but still, it felt strange to even just think of it again.
From then on, he had started to concentrate on Tegoshi more, but Uchi had done the same, so the youngest one had ended up in confusion between them.
Not that he seemed to mind it, really, Tegoshi was an attention whore, but still, of course he wondered where all the attention he got came from.
“Did you fight with Ucchi”, he had asked Kazuya the other day. He couldn’t have lied to Tegoshi, so he had simply shook his head, asking both of them out for dinner that day.
It had been a nice evening, and when he had told Jin about it, he had only said that it was okay, as long as Tegoshi was with them, because Uchi wouldn’t try anything then for sure.
So, in order to keep up the atmosphere at work, Kazuya kept being on friendly terms with Uchi, treating him nicely and not different from the others.
But if he could, he rather spent his time with Tegoshi, just to reassure his mind that he wasn’t cheating on Jin in any way.
“Kamenashi-kun”, Tegoshi said and plopped down to the couch next to him. “It’s your birthday soon, isn’t it?”
Kazuya tilted his head, but nodded then. “Indeed.”
“Do you want anything special?”
He blinked his eyes. “No, you don’t need to get me anything.”
“I want to. You called for my birthday - you even were the very first one.” Tegoshi smiled. “I want to do something for you, too.”
“You guys have something planned, however, don’t you?”
Tegoshi laughed slightly and shrugged a shoulder. “I wouldn’t bet on that, you know.”
Grinning, Kazuya turned his head back to the script. “Where’s Aya-chan, anyways?”
“She’s joining later today. For this morning it’s just the four of us filming.”
“I see”, Kazuya answered and stretched. “Are we getting started then?”
“Yeah, let’s”, Tegoshi joined and hopped from the couch, walking ahead.
Kazuya smiled, as he followed, happy that they all started to work in a good mood that day.
Jin tilted his head back, as his mobile started ringing. He decided to ignore it and closed his eyes.
“Jin, someone’s calling you”, a friend reminded him and Jin opened an eye, glancing at him. It was one of his back dancers, only fifteen, so delicate and young with a lot of potential, he thought.
Too young to understand him, as well.
“I don’t want to pick it up”, he said shortly.
The boy went over to the table the phone was lying at. It has stopped in the meanwhile, but just started ringing again in that moment.
He picked it up from the table. “It’s a Kazuya.”
Jin’s head shot up and he rose from his seat, taking the mobile from the boy’s hand. Without a word, he made his way out of the backstage room they had been in, to his private dressing room.
It had been nearly a month, since Kazuya had last called him during work. And right now, with his solo concerts, Jin was more than busy, so Kazuya mostly let him be.
That meant it had to be important.
“What’s up”, Jin answered the phone.
“God, I’m so glad you finally picked up”, Kazuya said and it strangely made it hard for Jin to swallow. It was like a huge lump in is throat was keeping him from doing so.
“Did something happen?”
“A lot did, actually. It’s been so long we’ve last met, Jin.”
“I’m sorry, I’m…”
“It’s okay. Just, tonight, when you’re done, come to my place instead of going home, okay? I know it’s further from the theatre, but…”
“It’s fine, I’ll be there”, Jin interrupted and smiled slightly. “I want that, too.”
“I’m sorry I can’t make it to watch your concert”, Kazuya said silently, real disappointment in his voice.
If this was about Kazuya’s bad conscience, then it made Jin feel a lot lighter already. “Don’t worry, you’re working hard yourself. You’ll get a private performance then.”
Kazuya laughed at that. “Let’s stay together on stage again, Jin.”
“Sounds good to me.”
“Doesn’t it?” Kazuya took a deep breath. “They told me today, Jin, we’ll go on tour in May, and not just the usual one. We’ll go overseas.”
Jin had to process that first. He stared at the wall in front of him, swallowed. “Are you serious?”
“Totally.”
“That’s amazing. We’ve made it.”
“Let’s work hard to make it a success, alright?” Kazuya’s voice was so cheerful, and yet determined to accomplish what he was aiming for.
Jin smiled instinctively. “I need to go back. Thanks for the good news, Kazuya”, he said.
“I’ll see you tonight.”
“Can’t wait”, Jin added, before he hung up. He went back to the room everyone had gathered in, before the concert was about to start and put his mobile onto the table again.
“Okay, are we ready to go on stage?”
Everyone gathered around and Jin smiled slightly, remembering the words Kazuya had said to him. When they went on stage, he saw his manager talking to a strange, foreign looking man, frowned over that, but got distracted as the music started playing, making him fall into another world, into another personality, as he went out on stage.
It was still rushing through his blood, still making him feel high, as he came to Kazuya’s apartment several hours later.
A nice smell welcomed him and with a grin, Jin said loudly: “I’m home.”
Kazuya appeared in the corridor, smiling at him brightly. “Welcome back.”
Jin stopped, stared at him. “What happened to your hair?”
“I got it cut. I told you, I would.”
Pulling a face, Jin shook his head. “I didn’t think it’d turn out that short.”
Kazuya instinctively touched it. “You don’t like it?”
“Absolutely not. Too short.”
Kazuya grinned. “I can’t help that.”
“Grow it long again.” The older one pulled off his jacket. “I like it better when it’s long.”
“I know you do”, he just received as an answer.
“Did you cook?”
Kazuya nodded and hurried back into the kitchen. As Jin had dropped off his boots, he followed him, finding the table laid for two, something delicious-smelling cooking at the stove.
“I figured you must be hungry.”
Jin nodded. “I’m starving. But I didn’t eat with the staff, because I hoped you’d have that idea.”
Laughing, Kazuya filled the rice into bowls. “Sit, it’s all ready.”
The older one smiled affectionately, as he watched Kazuya. He sat down on the chair he usually claimed and folded his arms at the table. “How’s filming going?”
“It’s nice. We’re working together well.” Kazuya sat down across from him and smiled, taking his chop sticks.
Jin took a bite and made a humming sound, showing off his likings in the food. “Delicious.”
“Did the concert today go well?”
He nodded and looked up at Kazuya. “Everything as usual. I’m quite used to it by now, it’s coming all automatically.”
Cutting his meat, Kazuya looked down again. “I’m glad then. Tegoshi told me today that Yamashita-kun is going to come watch it sometime these days.”
“Yeah, he’ll come next week. The fans are going to get crazy.”
It kept silent and they both ate their meals, until Jin suddenly got up quickly and rushed out of the room.
Kazuya watched him with a raised brow, as he came back in, putting something small to the table.
“What’s that?”
Jin grinned, as he sat down again. “That’s what this dinner is about, isn’t it?”
Kazuya looked up from the mall package, blinking at Jin. “Eh?”
“Valentine’s?”
Gasping, Kazuya stared at Jin with huge eyes. “It’s today?”
Jin laughed slightly. “You completely forgot about it, didn’t you?”
“We’ve been filming an episode about it, but I didn’t think about it being so soon.” He bit his lip. “I didn’t get you anything.”
“You invited me over and cooked dinner. Finish it up with some good sex later and we’re completely even.”
Relaxing, Kazuya smiled at him. “Thanks for this.” Taking the small package, he carefully unwrapped it and opened the case then, finding a necklace pretty similar to one he usually wore.
“I thought, if it’s something you would buy yourself anyways, it wouldn’t be that suspicious and you could wear it without worries.”
Kazuya laughed. “You thought that?”
“What? People are looking closely, don’t they?” Jin finished his meal, shoving the plate away to lean over the table.
Kazuya nodded. “I guess they do. It’s pretty.”
“It’s nothing but colourful stones”, the older one corrected and stood up to walk around the table and help Kazuya putting it on. After he had closed it behind Kazuya’s neck, Jin bent down and placed a kiss to it, hearing the rustle of Kazuya’s clothes, as he brought up his hands to grip Jin’s arms around his shoulders.
“You should give me your present now”, Jin murmured into the crook of Kazuya’s neck, making him giggle.
“I haven’t finished eating.”
“You’re not hungry anymore.”
With a laugh, Kazuya got up, let Jin wind his arms around his neck to pull him close, while his hands got a hold of Jin’s waist. Jin’s hand run into his hair, combing it with his fingers slightly, smiling at him, as he leaned in and pecked Kazuya’s lips.
“You’re getting along well with those two, aren’t you?”
Kazuya blinked, looked at Jin’s eyes. “Who?”
“Uchi and Tegoshi, you spend a lot of time with them, don’t you?” Jin pulled him closer, his hand sliding down to the back of Kazuya’s neck, holding him there.
“It’s….” What was Jin up to? What did he want to hear to that? “I am not trying to betray you, Jin.”
He smiled, took another peck from those lips, before he slowly moved backwards, pulling Kazuya with him.
“You’re acting strange today, Jin.”
“Keep it up, okay”, Jin asked and pushed the kitchen door open, leaving the room.
“What? Jin, I don’t get…” Kazuya stumbled, fell against Jin and gasped, as the older one embraced him tightly.
“Keep that friendship with them up. Keep going out; let them take care of you.”
“That sounds like you wanted to break up with me”, Kazuya mumbled, still confused with the situation they were in.
“I am not”, Jin reassured him. “But I want you to have someone else than me to turn to.”
“In what kind of situation?” Kazuya frowned. “Not too long ago, you told me you’re afraid of me turning to someone else, when you’re ever not able to be with me.”
Jin nodded slightly, drew back a bit, his hands skimming down Kazuya’s arms to grip his hands. “I still feel that way, but that’s childish, isn’t it? I can’t be the only person you trust.”
Kazuya smiled. “You are a child, Jin. It’s okay to think that way. I don’t want to turn to anyone else.” He tangled their fingers together. “You’re the one I trust the most.”
With a slight smile, Jin leaned in, pressed his lips to Kazuya’s and stole a kiss from him, a longer one this time, deeper and heated. “Keep that in mind.”
Kazuya just managed to blink, before Jin pulled him with him again, making his way to the bedroom.
“Okay, cut!”
Kazuya loosened up, looked to Uchi at his side and wondered where exactly Tegoshi had disappeared to that quickly.
Miyao scooted out of the women’s embraces, getting up from the couch and bowing to them.
“Aya-chan, are you getting…”
Kazuya fell silent, as the lights went dark. He noticed the camera’s still rolling and held back a smirk.
“Happy Birthday!” Everyone gathered around him and someone opened the huge doors, bringing in a cake with lots of candles; twenty-four, he assumed.
“Thank you”, Kazuya said and smiled, bowing to them. He turned, as he heard a voice, started to laugh, as Tegoshi came down the stairs singing a birthday song.
Everyone applauded at him and Kazuya thanked them again, blew out the candles. It took a while, before they set off the cameras, let them get back to normal.
Kazuya gave the flowers to one of the ADs to put them into some water and then cut the cake.
“I will leave first”, Miyao excused himself after a while then and bowed slightly to them, before leaving the room.
Slowly, the crowd in the living room lit up and one after another made their way back to their work or to the changing rooms, to get ready to get home.
Kazuya did the same, went with Uchi to get changed.
“You know, I’d like to eat pasta again.”
Kazuya blinked at him.
“Last time when Tegoshi and I came over to visit you - the pasta you’d made was pretty good.” Uchi grinned at him.
Kazuya tilted his head. “They were leftovers, actually. I had made them the day before for…” He fell silent and looked to the ground.
“Jin”, Uchi completed the sentence. “He likes pasta a lot, too?”
Kazuya nodded. “It’s easy to make, so it’s something he can even do himself. Mine are better, though.”
Uchi laughed. “They were the best I ever had.”
He couldn’t help it; it warmed his heart to hear that. And he knew, by now, Uchi didn’t have any bad intentions. He just wanted them to be normal again. “I’ll make fresh ones for you next time.”
“Kamenashi-kun!”
He turned, as he heard his manager calling him and raised a brow. “What is it?”
“We’re having an urgent meeting. Get changed and then come outside, we’re driving over to the office, the others will be waiting there.”
Kazuya gave Uchi a look, and the younger one shrugged a shoulder.
“Something about the band?”
“Apparently”, Kazuya answered and hurried to the changing rooms, getting out of his costume. He bit Uchi a quick goodbye, as he was done and left.
“What is it about”, he asked, as he slid into the backseat of the car.
“We’ll explain it to you, when everyone is gathered.”
His manager sounded stressed and Kazuya knew that was a bad sign already.
He kept silent and waited for them to arrive at the office, following inside. As his mobile started vibrating in his pocket, he stopped and pulled it out.
“Jin”, he answered. “Isn’t it a bit late to call now? My birthday is almost…”
“You’re not at the meeting yet”, Jin interrupted his words.
Kazuya frowned. “No?”
“That’s good.” He sounded relieved.
“What’s that about, Jin?”
“Listen, Kazuya”, he said and his voice sounded urgent. “I wanted to tell you beforehand, I really did. You shouldn’t find out like this, not from them. I shouldn’t tell you over the phone, but I want you to at least hear it from me personally. I didn’t get the chance and this all developed so quickly. They decided it today, and I couldn’t ask for your opinion on this, but I knew what you would have said, so I…”
“Jin!” Kazuya heard him fall silent. “What is that about? What happened?”
“I’ll be there in ten minutes. I won’t let you go through that all by yourself. Koki’s going to lose his temper and Ueda’s going to be mad, most likely, but you’ll keep your head, okay?”
Kazuya stared at the door in front of him, his grip around the telephone tight. “Jin, just tell me finally. What is happening?”
“Some American producers came to watch my concerts, a few, actually, and they… I’ll go back to L.A., Kazuya, giving concerts there.”
Kazuya felt his heart drop from his throat, where it had been beating loudly, down to his knees. “How come…”
“I wanted to tell you, right after they first made the offer. The managers agreed to it today. I didn’t have much to add.” Jin’s voice was thick, loaded with heavy feelings of guilt. “I should have told you.”
“When? How long?” The questions just spilled from his mind.
Jin hesitated, but he knew he had to tell Kazuya. “In May. Another six months.”
They both knew what it meant, Kazuya didn’t have to voice the facts. He kept silent instead; blinking his eyes, knowing Jin wasn’t trying to hurt him with that.
It had always been his dream.
“It’s…” The younger one tried to swallow the lump in his throat, but he couldn’t go against it, it made him feel like choking, drowning. “Congratulations.”
“That’s my line today; it’s your birthday, after all.”
“You have more of a reason to celebrate, don’t you?”
“Kazuya…” Jin took a deep breath. “Let me say it once, okay?”
Kazuya bit his lip, tried to gather his thoughts. “I hate it.”
“I know, but it’ll calm me down. And it’ll calm you. I promise.”
Kazuya didn’t answer; he covered his mouth, trying to pull himself together. “I am calm.”
It kept silent, then Jin forced his will through and slowly said: “I’ll be there in a few minutes, babe.”
Kazuya just hung up and he knew he shouldn’t have, but Jin had been wrong.
It didn’t calm him, not at all. He didn’t like to be called that, never had. But after all, he was the only one Jin bothered to call by stupid nicknames. He wouldn’t care to do that to anyone else - only to the one he loved.
Kazuya bit his teeth together and walked in, opening the door to the meeting room.
Everyone was staring at him, and he wondered if his expression said too much already. He chose the chair next to Koki on purpose, remembering Jin’s words. The one to his left was empty, and he hoped Jin would notice that, too.
“Okay, with everyone around, we can start.” One of the managers got up to talk.
“Jin’s not here yet”, Ueda said.
“We don’t need him. He already knows.”
Nakamaru frowned, glancing at Kazuya, who kept looking at his hands in his lap.
“Actually, we agreed to an offer for Akanishi-kun today.” The manager looked at them, before he continued: “He’s been offered to give concerts in America, and we decided to let him.”
The room was silent, Kazuya felt Koki tense beside him.
“When”, Taguchi asked.
“That is the problem about it, actually.” The manager sighed slightly. “The offer is made for June. With all preparations that have to be made, we’ll have to let him leave in May, I guess.”
Koki got up from his chair, banging his fist to the table. “That’s impossible.”
“It’s a chance that doesn’t come by every day.”
“But we’ll be having our tour, Kat-tun’s tour, in those months!”
“It’s his dream, he can’t possibly say no to that.”
Everyone directed their attention at Kazuya, who had just said those words.
“But, Kame, this is not just about him, but also about us”, Nakamaru said.
Kazuya nodded, saw Ueda crossing his arms and looking at the table, his lips forming a hard line. He was mad.
“It’s no use losing our temper about this. We need to look at this objectively and we need to keep our minds.”
It was what Jin heard, when he opened the door, seeing Koki standing next to Kazuya. They all turned to him and he went in, taking the empty seat beside his lover.
It remained silent and Jin took a deep breath, bowing his head. “I am sorry.”
“You’d better be”, Koki hissed.
“Koki”, Kazuya started, but Jin stopped him by putting his hand over Kazuya’s in his lap. It made the younger one stare at him. They never touched or showed affection or any proof of their closeness, when other people were around.
It was like a deal they had settled on.
“It’s okay, Kazuya, he’s right to be angry.”
Kazuya knew it wasn’t just hard for him, so he turned his hand, until his palm was against Jin’s.
“I know you guys are angry with me, and I can understand it. I can’t reject the offer, though”, Jin said and looked at Taguchi across from him. He seemed less angry than Ueda and Koki, while Nakamaru’s expression was rather blank. “It’s a once-in-a-lifetime-chance and I want to take it.”
“What kind of tour is it going to be?”
The question came from Nakamaru and a manager took the part to answer.
“He’s settled for two concerts, so far. We’ll see what it’s going to be like and then probably add more dates.”
“You could be back for our tour then”, Taguchi threw in.
“That’s difficult with the visa. We’ll make one for six months, so if he leaves in May, he won’t be back until October.”
Jin noticed Kazuya going stiff next to him. He ran his thumb subtly over Kazuya’s. “So, there is no way for me to do both?”
The manager shook his head.
“Why does he have to stay until October anyways? Isn’t July enough?” Koki still hadn’t sat down.
“We want to leave this open, as long as we can. It’s easier to get him a visa for six months than for three, actually, so, since it’s for work, it has to be six months.”
“Will you leave the band?”
It was the first time, Ueda spoke up and Jin looked over to him, seeing he hadn’t even looked up while speaking. Nakamaru had his eyes on him, his blank expression changed into a worried one.
“I don’t think so.”
“If it goes well, if you’re going to succeed, there’s no way you’ll be coming back to do the boy band stuff”, Koki remarked and no one answered, knowing he was just too right about it. “You’ll make your thing over there.”
It didn’t affect him. Jin looked at the table, wondering why it didn’t hurt at all. Koki was right, it was the truth, probably that’s why.
“I don’t plan on leaving the band, as for now”, was all he could say. “But I’ll be going to take that chance.”
Kazuya had been listening silently all that while and now sat up straight, pulling his hand from beneath Jin’s, leaning in to put his arms to the table.
“We’ve been through this before. We’ve been fine; we did well, didn’t we?”
Jin watched him, wondered why exactly now it started to hurt.
“We’re going to make this on our own, do the tour with the five of us, do the promotions and everything that will come up during that time as the five of us.” Kazuya threw a look at Koki. “We’ll do our thing, until Jin’s going to come back and join us again. We know what it’ll be like; we’re able to arrange us. We did it before.”
Jin frowned, he didn’t know why exactly, but the way Kazuya was so understanding, so fully behind him, hurt. He knew Kazuya would be; he had known it from the beginning. But somehow, he started to wish Kazuya would be more like Koki, making a fuss, telling him to stay.
It hit Jin, as he realised.
Kazuya was the only one who could possibly make him stay, make him change his mind. Because Kazuya was the one he loved. And if Kazuya loved him, too, wouldn’t he want to try making Jin stay with him?
Wouldn’t he be a bit less supportive of that idea?
Taguchi nodded. “I think Kame is right. We should just let things go their way and see where it’ll take all of us.”
Ueda didn’t say a thing, Nakamaru nodded to those words and Koki expressed his approval with sitting down again.
Jin looked at each of them, knowing they wouldn’t change his mind, but when Kazuya turned to him and smiled, he felt like falling apart.
He started to wish he would change his mind. But Kazuya was the only one being capable of making him.
And Kazuya didn’t even try.
“You didn’t complain just once”, Jin noticed, as they left the office later together.
Kazuya looked at him. Jin made a very tired impression, actually. He had come here straight from his concert, without getting to rest a bit. “Shall I drive? You can leave your car here; I’m off tomorrow morning, so I could bring you over to work.”
Jin just nodded, as he followed Kazuya to his car, got into the passenger’s seat. “What do you think about it, Kazuya?”
The younger one didn’t answer, as he pulled off the parking lot and drove over to the street.
“I think you’ve gotten a great chance offered there.”
Jin watched him. Music was quietly filling the silence between them. “Is that all you think?”
Kazuya started to hum to the music, turning it a bit louder. Jin pulled a face.
“Kazuya…”
“That’s all I think, Jin. I am happy for you.”
Jin fell silent to that statement, nodded slightly. Of course Kazuya was. He loved him, he wanted Jin to be happy, so he would fully support his decisions.
He didn’t try any further to talk about it; instead, Jin listened to Kazuya’s husky voice singing quietly along to the song in the radio.
It was a sad one, drowned in a heavy blue sound with lovesick lyrics.
Kazuya stopped the car in front of the apartment complex Jin lived in and hesitated, before he got out of the car, following Jin.
“We should have stopped by a convenience store; I guess I don’t have anything eatable stored in.”
The younger one shrugged a shoulder. “I am not really hungry.”
“But for tomorrow morning, we should at least…”
“I’m not sleeping over, Jin.”
He stopped in front of the elevator and stared at Kazuya. “Why?”
“I need to get some things done, while I’m off. So, I will do that tonight, pick you up tomorrow morning and then sleep in the whole day.” Kazuya smiled slightly, as he walked into the lift.
Jin followed slowly. “It’s your birthday.”
“I’ll go and see my family now”, Kazuya said.
“I ruined it for you.”
He looked at Jin, slowly shook his head. “You didn’t. You made it a lot better. I said I was happy for you, didn’t I?”
“This day should only be about you.” Jin walked ahead, as the doors slid open. “And now, everything is about me.”
“That’s nothing new to me”, Kazuya commented dryly. “I’m not getting jealous at your success, Jin.”
Stopping in front of his door, Jin turned to him and gave him a look, Kazuya dared consider it as a pout. “You’re not like me.”
Smiling, Kazuya stepped closer, smiled at Jin. “We’re over that, Jin. We moved on, didn’t we? We can handle this.”
Pulling out his keys from his pocket, Jin nodded. “You want to come in?”
Kazuya shook his head and leaned in, his lips brushing against Jin’s.
He smiled slightly, as he noticed Jin staring at his eyes, like hypnotised and licked his bottom lip, making Jin shudder slightly.
Kazuya took advantage of it and deepened the kiss, heard the keys falling to the ground.
It was as if it woke Jin - he winced and blinked his eyes twice, then he picked up his keys, looking at Kazuya again, trying to see what he was thinking.
The younger one smiled at him, in a gentle way, but there was something in his eyes. Something else, blinking at him almost childishly.
Jin turned to lock up the door, fumbling with the keys in his hands to find the right one.
“If I’d come in with you now, you wouldn’t let me go again, would you?”
Jin’s hands stopped and the keys fell again.
Kazuya laughed and this time, bent down to pick them up for Jin. He put them into the older man’s hand, held on to it, before he leaned in again, taking another kiss. He made it a sensitive one, slow and gentle; taking Jin’s breath with it.
“Good night, Jin.”
Jin just nodded, opened the door and walked in, closing the door. Kazuya stood for a moment longer, pressing his lips together, before he turned.
He smiled to himself, as he heard the keys falling again.
Leaving the building, Kazuya tried to calm himself down. He was shaken up inside, probably just as much as Jin was. He knew the teasing had just been to make Jin calmer, to show him they were still okay, still the same.
But still, it scared Kazuya.
During the call, he had lost his mind, but after that, his senses had returned. He couldn’t let Jin see.
If there was one thing he knew, he would bet his life on, then it was the fact that Jin truly loved him.
He was Jin’s weakness; he was his soft spot, the one thing Jin never had gotten over.
So, if anyone in this world could make Jin stay, could hold him back from leaving, then it was Kazuya.
He knew that a single word of him would be enough to make Jin change his mind, to make him stay and never leave Kazuya’s side.
But that wasn’t what he could take responsibility for. It was Jin’s dream, his aim, his desire to do exactly what he had agreed on today.
It wouldn’t be fair if Kazuya told him how afraid he was of what was coming, how much he would miss him, how much he didn’t want Jin to leave.
His hands were shaking, as he got into his car, but he didn’t hesitate for a second to drive off. Just in case Jin was watching him from his window.
He didn’t want Jin to notice.
As Kazuya got home, he couldn’t even remember how he had gotten there. He strangely felt numb and shaky.
Opening his door, he walked in, closed it behind himself and sighed deeply, before he got down, crouched down right there, winding his arms around himself and facing the floor.
Kazuya felt miserable, cold, drained, all at once, and at the same time to emotionless and empty. It broke his heart to just even imagine Jin would leave, that he wouldn’t see him for such a long time.
Kazuya started to sob quietly, bit his lip to hold it back. As if Jin still was around, he tried to hide his desperation, his tears and swallowed the sobs, tried to stop himself from crying.
But as he looked at the key in this hand, the pink and golden charm attached to it, he couldn’t hold back anymore.
He didn’t want Jin to ever find out, to ever see he suffered so much from this. If he did, he would stay.
Pressing the charm into his fist, Kazuya shifted his weight and fell back against the door, sliding down to sit on the ground, his fist firmly against his chest.
Kazuya couldn’t make Jin stay with him.
He had no right to.
CONTINUES HERE
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I hope no one died of cheesiness here ^^;
I am sorry. This is NOT an ending, I am going to put up a second part to this, as soon as I get around to write it XDD;;
Thank you so much for reading ♥