Remember the Good Days...If There Were Any
Remember when i said that i joined an indoor soccer league? Remember when i said that it would be a good thing to be active again? Remember the sound my knee cap made when it popped and my ACL tore in half and i was left in a huddled mess in front of the goal? Oh, i forgot to mention that? Well, im pretty much temporarily crippled now. I just came back from the doctors office where we got to see some pretty cool pictures of the inside of my knee (courtesy of very long MRI) and it turns out that i fucked myself real good this time. The nurse who took the MRI told me that shes never seen so much fluid in a knee. Thanks lady, i really wanted to hear that. I hurt myself last monday and i still havent had surgery. I have to go to 'pre-op therapy' before i can do that. Thats going to take 2-3 weeks. Then i get to be put under for 2 hours while they remove select parts of my knee and replace the broken parts and the SCREW THEM INTO PLACE. Its an out-patient procedure so ill be able to go home after i come out of my induced coma. After that pleasant ordeal, ill get to sit at home for a week, basically motionless. Then the real fun begins... 'post-op therapy.' That will last about 4-5 weeks. I wont be able to participate in any sports for about 6 months or so. Oh, and i also wont be able to work for about 2 months. This is going to make me pretty close to being broke. Or maybe it will be. I dont know yet. All i do know is that im fucked. The doctor at the ER didnt give anything for the pain, so i asked the orthopedist. He gave me something called Ultracet, or at least its substitution 'Tramadol.' These are the crappiest pain killers EVER. Theyre suppose to work like other pain killers, all in your head, but they dont have any of the 'adverse side effects' (doctor's words). They take away the pain, but theres none of the fun stuff like drowsiness, numb teeth, bright colors or giant balls of dogs trying to roll over you for hours on end (thats how i found out that im allergic to penicillin.) How am i going to sit motionless for weeks on end with nothing to bide my time with? Instead of these crappy drugs, ive been resorting to beer for the pain and so i can sleep. Its not the healthiest thing but i dont have much of a choice when i cant sleep. I tend to turn a lot in my sleep and every time i do, i wake up in searing pain. I cant sleep with my immobilizer brace so there isnt much else to do but poison myself until im copesetic enough to sleep through the pain. To top it off, nobody seems to want to visit me. Maybe its because scott went home to colorado for 4 days and, seeing as how there was nobody here to help me, i sorta trashed the place, leaving lots of trash and dirty dishes all over the place. I guess i underestimated how helpless i am without a properly functioning knee. Ive never been so helpless. Im absolutely terrible at taking care of myself. The only thing i could ever do was take care of other people. That just comes naturally to me. But when people ask me if i need something, i always turn it down, even if i know i need it. Brad called me from london today and offered to send me some money because i basically housed him all through high school. I said no, but he talked me into giving him my address. I cant stand taking handouts, but i dont really have much of a choice now. I just sit here wasting space, always to tired or unable to do even the most menial tasks.
Yet again, i find myself with the same mindset that happens to accompany these tragic, and frequent, events in my life. Im wondering if the cycle of misfortune will ever end. As always, i cant seem to come to a conclusion with all of these endless thought processes. The only solution i ever can find feasible is to just go on. I try to make things work with my life but it always ends up with disaster. No matter what aspect of life it may be. I should excel in most, if not all, of these fields, given my strong and weak qualities. It just doesnt make sense. How can i be this unfortunate? I guess looking at life from a logical point of view isnt very logical.
Yet again, i find myself with the same mindset that happens to accompany these tragic, and frequent, events in my life. Im wondering if the cycle of misfortune will ever end. As always, i cant seem to come to a conclusion with all of these endless thought processes. The only solution i ever can find feasible is to just go on. I try to make things work with my life but it always ends up with disaster. No matter what aspect of life it may be. I should excel in most, if not all, of these fields, given my strong and weak qualities. It just doesnt make sense. How can i be this unfortunate? I guess looking at life from a logical point of view isnt very logical.