An Uncertain Future

[greatbearmd]

I realized that this is one place that I haven't updated that folks might not also have me friended elsewhere like Facebook, and are as yet unaware. I've been diagnosed with non-Hodgkins lymphoma and have begun chemotherapy. It's too early to tell what stage this cancer is and if the chemo is having a desired effect. Me being me, I'm hoping for the best, but expect the worst. Less than a year ago I lost my last best friend to cancer, a year before that, my other best friend died of serious health decline. Both of these men I have known since the early 70s, and I am without anyone now that I have lived around for such a long time where we shared growing up and living till middle age and could talk ceaselessly about all those good (and bad) times together. I now face an uncertain future lacking many people close to me. Jeff is an absolute saint and angel taking care of me, but he is also stressed by this as well as by things outside of our little world. He is also a cancer survivor and has been through what I am going through. I can only hope my outcome is as good as his, being over 21 years cancer free. My prognosis isn't the greatest yet at this point, and the survivability of N-HL doesn't have the greatest of odds. Needless to say, we are also getting our affairs in order just in case thinks start to look dark. I plan on doing everything I can to fight this, and in the meantime try as I can to live as normal a life as I possibly can. So far, I've had good days, and bad days. I've also had a number of heath issues and injuries, some that almost killed me, and as such I've experienced a lot of excruciating pain and debilitating setbacks, some lasting years, but I made it through those. It's not like I am unprepared or have a fear of pain, which I live with constantly. I just never felt like the end could really be on its way.

I wish I had better news, and I had hoped to be able to compose something a bit more concise, bit this will have to do. Despite my absence here, I do love my LJ friends, as you've gotten me through some truly horrible periods in my life. I hope you all are doing well, and I honestly hope to be around to keep popping up here year after year. I have given Jeff instructions to go through my few remaining social media accounts if I am no longer able to in order to notify everyone. After an indeterminate time, these accounts will be either deleted or made memorial status.

Thanks for being my friends and extended family. Much love.