All good points, all heavily considered in the past. Every relationship is different, this one would probably have run its course already if it weren't for the kids. Then again, if it weren't for the kids many of the problems we face might not be here. But then again again, there might be others to take their place. Bottom line, no relationship is perfect. Neither of us wants to openly introduce another into our mix. I understand if she wants to flirt with people, I do the same. But that line was well crossed. These are just thoughts running through my head but the days of my black and white views of lies, in general, are well behind me. The ball has been in her court for a while. She doesn't communicate well so I start most conversations, doing my best to read her mind and allow her to agree or fill in the blanks as I go. But the best I get from her is often "I don't know what my problem is." The first time you reach that conclusion you empathize and want to help. Years of hearing it tend to dull the response. And we're well past my telling her she might want to see a therapist. Honestly I just don't think she understands how important that closeness is to me, aside from whatever else is going on in her head. But she's a great mother and otherwise great companion so... yeah, there you do.
Oh, man! I'm sorry to hear of the troubles and tribulations you been running across, friend. Thanks for letting my spout my pouts about such personal issues that I have nothing to do with, that is gracious of you. Thank you.
I don't know if you ever witnessed someone you love/trust/admire lying to someone you love/trust/admire,... and also knowing they loved/trusted/admired each other, but one used to the trust of the other to lie and be believed for their own personal motivations... .....but for me, when I saw that as a kid, it ROCKED MY WORLD watching love and lies live together and all the disharmony it provoked when the truth came out and the scathing scrabbling began.
What is the line of truth you want to teach in your family? I understand being true to yourself... it's **very** important, but if you can't be honest about that truth, then... what is the point? Sex is very important, too! Sheeeit! Ain't no denying that! Its important as an individual, and important to the way the couple connect, I know from experience how hard it is to be in a sexless relationship and always trying to cajole the other one... me, looking back? Knowing what I know now, I would have FLED rather than all that sidestepping, all that 'trying' where there was no effort going into it, mostly words and pathetic shrugs. Me trying to tell myself sex wasn't THAT important, that it wasn't worth breaking up our relationship for,... .... found out later, it was TOTALLY worth breaking up a relationship over! But again, that's me, not anyone else. However, I still stand on this side of the asshole fence that says it's worth breaking up a long term relationship over, but yet not worth lying over... again that's me and not anyone else. It sucks when there comes that position, where everything just seems stuck in the muck, spinning wheels shitting mud everywhere but still getting no traction. I know that place... or at least, I knew MY place, in that place. I know nothing, otherwise. Not about you. Not about your relationship. Not about your family. Not about why I hate lies so much. So... I'm just here, letting you know my perspective and letting you know I hope it all gets better, that a path opens up that works for you! That the momentum you need to carry you through, comes so you can feel more content and fulfilled in your place in this world... as you are, whoever that is.
As Mr. Rogers (who is so hip and popular right now??) said: "Ya know everyone has lots of ways of feeling, and all of those ways of feeling are fine. It's what we do with our feelings that matter in this life. I trust that you are growing in ways that will help you with whatever feelings you have. When you're a child and when you're a grown-up... I hope you are able to grow to respect whoever you are inside."
Also, sometimes: https://youtu.be/3s5xsVHOJQs?t=151 just because..... life does not conspire to make it easy, even though that would REALLY help us out!
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I don't know if you ever witnessed someone you love/trust/admire lying to someone you love/trust/admire,... and also knowing they loved/trusted/admired each other, but one used to the trust of the other to lie and be believed for their own personal motivations...
.....but for me, when I saw that as a kid, it ROCKED MY WORLD watching love and lies live together and all the disharmony it provoked when the truth came out and the scathing scrabbling began.
What is the line of truth you want to teach in your family? I understand being true to yourself... it's **very** important, but if you can't be honest about that truth, then... what is the point? Sex is very important, too! Sheeeit! Ain't no denying that! Its important as an individual, and important to the way the couple connect, I know from experience how hard it is to be in a sexless relationship and always trying to cajole the other one... me, looking back? Knowing what I know now, I would have FLED rather than all that sidestepping, all that 'trying' where there was no effort going into it, mostly words and pathetic shrugs. Me trying to tell myself sex wasn't THAT important, that it wasn't worth breaking up our relationship for,...
.... found out later, it was TOTALLY worth breaking up a relationship over! But again, that's me, not anyone else. However, I still stand on this side of the asshole fence that says it's worth breaking up a long term relationship over, but yet not worth lying over... again that's me and not anyone else.
It sucks when there comes that position, where everything just seems stuck in the muck, spinning wheels shitting mud everywhere but still getting no traction. I know that place... or at least, I knew MY place, in that place. I know nothing, otherwise. Not about you. Not about your relationship. Not about your family. Not about why I hate lies so much. So... I'm just here, letting you know my perspective and letting you know I hope it all gets better, that a path opens up that works for you! That the momentum you need to carry you through, comes so you can feel more content and fulfilled in your place in this world... as you are, whoever that is.
As Mr. Rogers (who is so hip and popular right now??) said: "Ya know everyone has lots of ways of feeling, and all of those ways of feeling are fine. It's what we do with our feelings that matter in this life. I trust that you are growing in ways that will help you with whatever feelings you have. When you're a child and when you're a grown-up... I hope you are able to grow to respect whoever you are inside."
Also, sometimes: https://youtu.be/3s5xsVHOJQs?t=151 just because..... life does not conspire to make it easy, even though that would REALLY help us out!
Reply
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