Getting over things = still slow
There's this weird, jealous, attention seeking side of my personality that I don't let out much. I feel the feelings, but I can't think of a way to act them out that wouldn't be unfair or hurtful or just plain unpleasant, to a third party. So people, I think, tend not to know I have this side to me. I like it that way. You can't control your feelings, but you can control your behavior.
I guess it's understandable that this side of me seems to come out more in regards to the person my ex was also fucking and not really but sort of dating, the whole time he was fucking and not really but sort of dating me. She's really nice and doesn't represent any kind of threat to me. Neither of us knew what was going on so there are no hard feelings between us. But I can't help but feel this weird, constant unpleasant comparison thing in the back of my mind.
I think what I mean to say is -- it's understandable, in that I know people in my situation often feel this way, but it's not understandable in that I don't understand why I, in particular, feel it, in this particular situation.
It's some kind of strange leftover angst that has gotten transmuted into this weird catty thing. I'm not someone who would ever let my feelings of being ignored and overlooked translate into trying to steal the show from others, or cutting down someone so they felt that way too. That's wrong, and mean, and creates an icky negative cycle that feeds off of itself and in general makes the world worse. I keep my feelings to myself. But I have them.
Resentment, I think.
I know she's not had any better of a time of things than I have.
I don't know why I feel it.
I'm not even sure if I feel it towards her, or if I just feel it around the idea of her. I guess I still feel it at the guy who let both of us down so horribly, which is frustrating because I don't feel he's worth it. But my feelings are not business transactions; they just do what they do.
I need to think about this more.
Opinions, thoughts, advice welcome.
I guess it's understandable that this side of me seems to come out more in regards to the person my ex was also fucking and not really but sort of dating, the whole time he was fucking and not really but sort of dating me. She's really nice and doesn't represent any kind of threat to me. Neither of us knew what was going on so there are no hard feelings between us. But I can't help but feel this weird, constant unpleasant comparison thing in the back of my mind.
I think what I mean to say is -- it's understandable, in that I know people in my situation often feel this way, but it's not understandable in that I don't understand why I, in particular, feel it, in this particular situation.
It's some kind of strange leftover angst that has gotten transmuted into this weird catty thing. I'm not someone who would ever let my feelings of being ignored and overlooked translate into trying to steal the show from others, or cutting down someone so they felt that way too. That's wrong, and mean, and creates an icky negative cycle that feeds off of itself and in general makes the world worse. I keep my feelings to myself. But I have them.
Resentment, I think.
I know she's not had any better of a time of things than I have.
I don't know why I feel it.
I'm not even sure if I feel it towards her, or if I just feel it around the idea of her. I guess I still feel it at the guy who let both of us down so horribly, which is frustrating because I don't feel he's worth it. But my feelings are not business transactions; they just do what they do.
I need to think about this more.
Opinions, thoughts, advice welcome.