Oh hai, self-referential logic.
I say you don't understand me. You say you DO understand me, and I don't understand myself.
Of course, you have now made a statement that is impossible for me to disprove. If I try to show you how your understanding of me is flawed, it holds no weight since you've already formed the opinion that I don't understand me.
I know the Bible is true because it says so in the Bible.
Sure works on me, though. Because I am my own invalidating environment. I can't show you you're wrong. I can show me you're wrong, but that doesn't matter anyway since you've already established my point of view as invalid. And I let you.
The only ways I've ever deceived myself were to allow myself to think someone I loved was better for me than he or she really was.
I think of the ways I deceived myself for you, and I can't help but think--he's right. See how self aware I wasn't?
But then--my becoming self-aware only leads me away from you and into something more emotionally safe. And that can't be what you were getting at. You think I'm not self-aware and that's the reason we didn't work out. I think I wasn't self aware and that's the reason it was able to last as long as it did.
But I can't hold onto that for very long.
I still think, maybe I'm wrong.
I'm Ms. Benefit of the Doubt and it kills me at times like this. Because the truth is, I give it to everyone except myself. I'll give it to you no matter what buttons you're pushing of mine, no matter how many times they've been pushed and I've re-established my self-identity. I know my mother was wrong, and I know my first ex-boyfriend was wrong about me, but how can I be sure YOU'RE wrong about me when you're saying the same thing?
But if I am sure that they were wrong (and I am) how can I think you might be right?
Circles, circles, circles. I'll spiral away into nothing if I let myself. If I can't know myself, what can I possibly know? How can I make any choices? How do I know if I'm behaving morally?
Why don't my years of experience with myself count?
Why don't all the people whom I think do understand me, or facets of me, count?
Also, how could you think so incredibly highly of me--a year ago, a month ago, a week ago--and think this of me now? Were you wrong all that time and now you've seen the truth?
Why am I always ready to think I'm wrong and it's all my fault and I'm doubly damned for not seeing it?
Why bother going on if I really am so horribly wrong about everything? Because I can't see it. And the fact that I can't see it doesn't make me think I'm not horribly wrong about everything--just that I'm too broken to be fixed.
Ow, my psyche.
Of course, you have now made a statement that is impossible for me to disprove. If I try to show you how your understanding of me is flawed, it holds no weight since you've already formed the opinion that I don't understand me.
I know the Bible is true because it says so in the Bible.
Sure works on me, though. Because I am my own invalidating environment. I can't show you you're wrong. I can show me you're wrong, but that doesn't matter anyway since you've already established my point of view as invalid. And I let you.
The only ways I've ever deceived myself were to allow myself to think someone I loved was better for me than he or she really was.
I think of the ways I deceived myself for you, and I can't help but think--he's right. See how self aware I wasn't?
But then--my becoming self-aware only leads me away from you and into something more emotionally safe. And that can't be what you were getting at. You think I'm not self-aware and that's the reason we didn't work out. I think I wasn't self aware and that's the reason it was able to last as long as it did.
But I can't hold onto that for very long.
I still think, maybe I'm wrong.
I'm Ms. Benefit of the Doubt and it kills me at times like this. Because the truth is, I give it to everyone except myself. I'll give it to you no matter what buttons you're pushing of mine, no matter how many times they've been pushed and I've re-established my self-identity. I know my mother was wrong, and I know my first ex-boyfriend was wrong about me, but how can I be sure YOU'RE wrong about me when you're saying the same thing?
But if I am sure that they were wrong (and I am) how can I think you might be right?
Circles, circles, circles. I'll spiral away into nothing if I let myself. If I can't know myself, what can I possibly know? How can I make any choices? How do I know if I'm behaving morally?
Why don't my years of experience with myself count?
Why don't all the people whom I think do understand me, or facets of me, count?
Also, how could you think so incredibly highly of me--a year ago, a month ago, a week ago--and think this of me now? Were you wrong all that time and now you've seen the truth?
Why am I always ready to think I'm wrong and it's all my fault and I'm doubly damned for not seeing it?
Why bother going on if I really am so horribly wrong about everything? Because I can't see it. And the fact that I can't see it doesn't make me think I'm not horribly wrong about everything--just that I'm too broken to be fixed.
Ow, my psyche.