A nice, quite weekend for two…one can hope…

[magick_goddess]

No matter what I did or how hard I tried I always dreamt of my mother around the time of her death, I always replay it in my head and try to think of how or why or some way I could have changed it, made it better. Took her pain away.

And selfishly mine.

"Tara, baby, we're here."I heard a voice pull me out of my sleep and I smiled as I opened my

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[magick_goddess]

"I'm no saint, you know that....The one bedroom thing is priceless, I marvel at your creativity....You know as well as I do the game is almost as fun as the prize....You've definately made sure I'll enjoy it, how can I ever thankyou Lilah?"

Everytime he spoke cut through me until I felt like I was a three inch candy machine prize. I didn't know if I was more angry or hurt or if I was angry at myself for believing he could be anything but the jerk that I'd met at Caratas that night.

"Tara I can explain ..."

I shook my head and started backing away till I was against the wall, shaking my head and desperatly trying not to cry. "No, I d-don't want any more of your lies. T-take me home. I want to leave. Now..." Inspite of myself my voice broke. "H-how...how Lindsey? Is this all it was? A game to you? Some twisted game to see how fast you could get into my pants? Are you going to steal my underwear and show them off at the office next too?"

He moved towards me but I held my hands out. "Thank you, I'll never forget this weekend. J-just when I thought...you're just like her. S-she treated me like a trophy, like I was some prize...I thought you were better then that..."

[theurbancowboy]

She was freaking out. I was such a fucking dumbass.

"No, I d-don't want any more of your lies. T-take me home. I want to leave. Now..."

Shit. I couldn't let Lilah do this to me, I couldn't let that place ruin something potentially amazing in my life.

"H-how...how Lindsey? Is this all it was? A game to you? Some twisted game to see how fast you could get into my pants? Are you going to steal my underwear and show them off at the office next too?"

I shook my head, I didn't know what to say, I was to afraid I would make it that much worse. I'm an idiot that was simple enough. I moved towards her, in attempt to comfort her, even though I knew she didn't want comfort from me.

"Thank you, I'll never forget this weekend. J-just when I thought...you're just like her. S-she treated me like a trophy, like I was some prize...I thought you were better then that..."

I held my hands had my sides clenching my fists, I wasn't angry at her, I was angry at myself.

"It's not like that Tara. I swear to you that I didn't plan anything, I wanted to spend time with you away from that godawful city. Lilah must have figured it out, she changed my reservations. I was not planning on seducing you or anything like that."

God I sounded stupid.

"You aren't a trophy. I would never ... God ... Lilah, I could just ..."

[magick_goddess]

I shook my head, swallowing hard, past the point of caring if I cried or not because at this point I was. "I don't want to hear it Lindsey. My first instinct about you was right. You're a rattlesnake. But I'll be damned if I'm letting you bite me..."

I went to move but he wouldn't let me, he stood in my way and I looked up at him. "Yes, blame Lilah, go and blame someone else that isn't here. You're blameless Lindsey, pure and white." I spat my words at him, my heart was actually hurting. I did think he was better then this, I didn't think once that he was actually sneaky enough to do this.

If he thought I'd fall for it then he really must think I'm stupid.

He was inches from me and I looked up at him. "Take me home...I-I don't want to be here with you...I don't ever want to be anywhere near you...ever...Mr. McDonald."

[theurbancowboy]

"I don't want to hear it Lindsey. My first instinct about you was right. You're a rattlesnake. But I'll be damned if I'm letting you bite me..."

Now that stung, more than I wanted to admit. I knew I hadn't given her any reason to trust me after what she'd just overhear but she had to listen to me.

Yes, blame Lilah, go and blame someone else that isn't here. You're blameless Lindsey, pure and white."

I growled in frustration.

"I never said I was blameless Tara, I said Lilah changed my reservation and that's the truth."

She tried to move again but I blocked her, she had to stop freaking out and actually listen to me.

"Take me home...I-I don't want to be here with you...I don't ever want to be anywhere near you...ever...Mr. McDonald."

Mr. McDonald? Her tone of voice, everything. It made me feel like I was my father. I was not him, and I refused to ever become him.

I met her eyes, pleaded with her to see reason.

"Tara, I'm sorry. I let Lilah get to me, I was just trying to get her to leave me alone. I played into her and I shouldn't have, I'm sorry. I'm not that guy, not anymore. Please, just let me make it up to you. I'll sleep on the damn deck if you want me to, just don't throw this away, not because of Lilah or my stupidity."

She was glaring at me still.

"Please ..." I pleaded.

[magick_goddess]

He kept moving towards me and I felt my defenses go up. We were here, alone, nobody knew where I was, he was much stronger then me and....

No...

Swallowing hard I looked around for a way out, some way to get away from him, but he kept standing over me. "Your lawyer charm isn't going to work on me. We're not in court. You've lost your case with me."

I put my hands on his chest to make my way past him but he wouldn't let me, he was determined for me to buy his lies. Swallowing hard and knowing that I'll regret it later, I bought my knee up sharply and watched as he doubled over.

Taking my eyes away from him I ran into the bedroom, shutting and locking the door behind me. I managed to push the desk in front of the door before I really started to cry uncontrolably.

How could I have been so wrong?

[theurbancowboy]

Her eyes and body movements let me in that she was panicking. She really thought I would hurt her? She thought I could stand to even imagine someone hurting her?

"Your lawyer charm isn't going to work on me. We're not in court. You've lost your case with me."

I wanted to scream.

"Tara this isn't a case, that ..."

Before I knew what was happening her knee had connected with my crotch and I was doubled over in pain.

She ran to the bedroom and locked the door.

I tried to keep myself from howling in pain as I got my wits about. I walked over to the door and knocked lightly. I wasn't going to pound or attempt to break in. She obviously felt threatened already and it hurt me, but i wasn't going to allow that to continue by making it worse.

"Tara I'm sorry." I said through the door.

I leaned against the wall.

"I would never assume ... I'm an idiot, I want to not care about what Lilah thinks but I'm in a dog eat dog place, and that's not an excuse, I just wanted her to leave me alone. Let me have some peace at once."

I slid down the wall.

"You are the only person I've ever met in my life that makes me forget reason, makes everything else not seem to matter so much. I wouldn't ruin that if they threatened to kill me."

I sighed and stood up.

"But since you want to go I won't force you. I'll go make the arrangements for us to leave."

I turned to head downstairs.

"I am sorry. That's all I can really say."

And then I made my way downstairs to the phone.

[magick_goddess]

I leaned against the door, at this point I couldn't stop sobbing. I wanted so badly to think that he was a good person, a good man. Even after everything I found out. I thought we could just be us and let everything else fall away.

I guess that only happens in fairytales. I sniffled a few times and stayed quiet as he talked.

"Tara I'm sorry....I would never assume ... I'm an idiot, I want to not care about what Lilah thinks but I'm in a dog eat dog place, and that's not an excuse, I just wanted her to leave me alone. Let me have some peace at once....You are the only person I've ever met in my life that makes me forget reason, makes everything else not seem to matter so much. I wouldn't ruin that if they threatened to kill me....But since you want to go I won't force you. I'll go make the arrangements for us to leave...I am sorry. That's all I can really say."

I felt the tears run down my cheeks as he spoke, he sounded almost broken and for an instant I wanted to believe him. I wanted to go out there and say I was sorry and for us to enjoy this place and tell him that we could split the bed and just put pillows between us or something.

But this feeling in my gut wouldn't go away and that kept me from opening the door. But it didn't stop me from crying any more.