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[theurbancowboy]

The day was dragging by like a turtle in a race. I was not in the best mood, Lilah had stormed into my office first thing in the morning asking me what was going on. I honestly had no idea what she was blathering on about, i just wanted to get a few cases on the judges' docket and get out of there, I had a lot to do before I headed over to Tara's

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[theurbancowboy]

"Not your hand hhmmm. You feel that don't you?"

Alright, it was offical this woman was going to be the death of me. I nodded not really able to speak. I just watched her, as the wheel turned in her head.

"Well, you can play now. That's what should count now right? Y-you know that I'm not going to run right?"

I smiled. "I'd hope that. But I also know what my life is like, the secrets I hold, the cross I bare. And the place that pretty much owns me. It's a lot more than you know, than even I know and that's what scares me."

I brought my other hand up to her face and pushed some hair behind her ear.

"I-I like this, here, the normal and all that. Out there do-sen't matter to me..."

I locked eyes with her, feeling as though she was looking through me, beyond me into the soul that I sold so long ago.

"I know that. But I can't make you any promises Tara. Not ones I know I can't keep. Out there will catch up with us sometime, and I wish it would keep its distance but my wishes generally get tossed out with the evil crowd's. No one up there is looking out for me, if anyone's controlling things in my life, it's so I fall, not rise. It's not something I want to hurt you, ever."

[magick_goddess]

I closed my eyes and smiles softly when he tucked my hair behind my ear. I liked that and it made me smile to know that he paid enough attention to do that.

Opening my eyes they locked with his. My heart contracted when he spoke, he sounded so sad, lost even.

"I know that. But I can't make you any promises Tara. Not ones I know I can't keep. Out there will catch up with us sometime, and I wish it would keep its distance but my wishes generally get tossed out with the evil crowd's. No one up there is looking out for me, if anyone's controlling things in my life, it's so I fall, not rise. It's not something I want to hurt you, ever."

Part of me wanted him to make a promise, I wanted him to be able to make a promise. But at least he was honest. That had to count for something. I licked my lips and spoke softly and hoped that my words wouldn't get spat back at me or misunderstood. "M-my mother once said something to me..." I looked down at my hands, still playing with his. "S-she said if there was something I wanted...she'd make sure I got it..." I shook my head. "T-that came out wrong...." I bit my lip and tilted my head at him. "I know one person that is looking out for you...because I care..."

I reached out and ran my hand down his cheek. "I know you won't hurt me." At least I hoped so. "Not intentionally."

[theurbancowboy]

"I know one person that is looking out for you...because I care..."

I couldn't help but grin at her words. I'd had been a long time since anyone at even pretended to care about me. And those who had tried, usually I pushed away quicker than they could say my name.

But it was different with tara. I looked into her eyes and saw nothing hateful, no ill intentions, nothing wrong or bad, no alteriormotive.

But what did she see in my eyes. Those things were all possessed in me somewhere. Deep inside me there was a pool of darkness, I fed it with my deeds.

"I know you won't hurt me. Not intentionally."

All I could do was nod. That was a promise I couldn't make either. Because some part of me knew, that one day I may have to hurt her, hurt her to save her.

"What is it that makes ... me worth it? Knowing all that I am, and what I stand for, How can you still look at me like that?"

[magick_goddess]

He smiled at what I said, he didn't laugh or poke fun at it, he just smiled. I could tell from his smile that it meant something to him. I was glad.

Looking into his eyes was like a maze, there was so much there and everything looked complicated and hard but if you looked really hard then you could see the simple ways to get to him. I made sure that I knew and remembered just how to get there.

"What is it that makes ... me worth it? Knowing all that I am, and what I stand for, How can you still look at me like that?"

I gave him a wry smile. "I guess I did say you were worth it hu..." I ran my hand down his cheek and sighed. "It's not just one thing. I saw something when you were in Cartias that night. Something that made me not give up on you no matter how you got on my nerves." I laughed at him. "I couldn't get you out of my system."

I licked my lips and looked over at him. "When I look at you I see Lindsey. I don't see a Wolfram and Hart lawyer. I see Lindsey, the man that likes to hide the country boy inside." I leaned down and kissed him softly. "There's just something about you. You're in my blood...I can't get rid of you..." I smiled. "I don't want too."

[theurbancowboy]

I watched her carefully, waiting to find something to make me mistrust her answer, it was, afterall what I was used to. Manipulation.

"When I look at you I see Lindsey. I don't see a Wolfram and Hart lawyer. I see Lindsey, the man that likes to hide the country boy inside. There's just something about you. You're in my blood...I can't get rid of you... I don't want too."

I smiled and kissed her again, my hand trailing down her arm. She was so delicate and soft. I was almost afraid I'd break her.

"I don't want you to either." I knew I wasn't the easiest person to be around sometimes. And maybe Tara would find that out and go running for cover.

But maybe she wouldn't. The question was, was it a risk I was willing to take. After Darla used me like a paper towel the thought of letting someone in was less than stellar. But I looked at Tara and I knew it was way past that already.

I held her close to me, wanting to feel just her and I together.

"We're getting into something dangerous here."