Thank you! Come again!
just when you think your brain couldn’t get any worse in the middle of attempting (and succeeding!) to remember a good movie line from mrs. Doubtfire you actually have the following thought:
“i wonder if my uncle’s getting free gas now that he’s planning to marry the clerk’s friend from india for $5,000.”
how is this even possible? How is this excerpt from my biological mother’s e-mail even possible?
“mark came home today and told us it was official (he has been talking to this lady for months) that he has agreed to marry this lady's sister who lives in india to make her a legal american citizen. He is getting paid $5000 to do it. Can you believe that shit? Hell I would marry her for that!!! I told him to ask her if she had a brother that needed to come over. She gave him $200 today and told him to come back in a few days and she would give him more. She works at the fina station where he goes to get smokes all the time. They don't have to live together or anything, they just have to be married a year or something like that.”
the closest I ever got to a gas station clerk was the time the owner of the friendly mart gave me some fantastic smelling incense for my old apartment.
I can’t imagine him expecting me to marry his brother in return.
Is this idiom time? Is this time to shout, “different strokes for different folks?”
because my chair here has wheels on the bottom i’m never thinking about how to get to one side of my office to the next. I’m simply left to think about these things far too long and hard. Now i’m left to think about how that last sentence, if taken literally, would be a problem in itself.
“different strokes for different folks.” (mainly american): something that you say which means that different people like or need different things.
I’d like to add “-and that makes it okay” to the end of that. That’s when we use it the most, right? I guess it’s okay for my uncle to marry the gas station clerk’s friend because that is a different thing and he does need it. He really does.
If you’re thinking about bringing this saying back into your every day verbal exchange i’d advice against it when:
1. You’re visiting a family member in the cerebrovascular care unit at your local hospital.
2. Your neighbor pops his erupting, cystic, buttne on a rose bush outside your window and waxes/relaxes the hood of your car using ever so delicate strokes in the moonlight.
And i’m obviously always speaking from personal experience, so stay with me here.
I hope you’re still here because the thing i’m going to share with you next is the real clincher. I call it a clincher because the moment I read it I had to walky talky maintenance for work order #187927: probe april’s throat with the handle of a mop. It is clinched so tight she can hardly breathe. This is urgent. Actually, you should bring her a bag of smoothie skittles, too. Hey, and maybe an indian husband? Mom? Me? You? Related? Blood?
“maybe you could find a way to do something like that to help you get a car. I am serious. There has got to be people looking for someone to do this. I just don't know if it's legal for them to place an ad anywhere. You should check the www. I may do it myself.”
it’s almost like she’s writing this entry for me.
Thanks, mom.
“i wonder if my uncle’s getting free gas now that he’s planning to marry the clerk’s friend from india for $5,000.”
how is this even possible? How is this excerpt from my biological mother’s e-mail even possible?
“mark came home today and told us it was official (he has been talking to this lady for months) that he has agreed to marry this lady's sister who lives in india to make her a legal american citizen. He is getting paid $5000 to do it. Can you believe that shit? Hell I would marry her for that!!! I told him to ask her if she had a brother that needed to come over. She gave him $200 today and told him to come back in a few days and she would give him more. She works at the fina station where he goes to get smokes all the time. They don't have to live together or anything, they just have to be married a year or something like that.”
the closest I ever got to a gas station clerk was the time the owner of the friendly mart gave me some fantastic smelling incense for my old apartment.
I can’t imagine him expecting me to marry his brother in return.
Is this idiom time? Is this time to shout, “different strokes for different folks?”
because my chair here has wheels on the bottom i’m never thinking about how to get to one side of my office to the next. I’m simply left to think about these things far too long and hard. Now i’m left to think about how that last sentence, if taken literally, would be a problem in itself.
“different strokes for different folks.” (mainly american): something that you say which means that different people like or need different things.
I’d like to add “-and that makes it okay” to the end of that. That’s when we use it the most, right? I guess it’s okay for my uncle to marry the gas station clerk’s friend because that is a different thing and he does need it. He really does.
If you’re thinking about bringing this saying back into your every day verbal exchange i’d advice against it when:
1. You’re visiting a family member in the cerebrovascular care unit at your local hospital.
2. Your neighbor pops his erupting, cystic, buttne on a rose bush outside your window and waxes/relaxes the hood of your car using ever so delicate strokes in the moonlight.
And i’m obviously always speaking from personal experience, so stay with me here.
I hope you’re still here because the thing i’m going to share with you next is the real clincher. I call it a clincher because the moment I read it I had to walky talky maintenance for work order #187927: probe april’s throat with the handle of a mop. It is clinched so tight she can hardly breathe. This is urgent. Actually, you should bring her a bag of smoothie skittles, too. Hey, and maybe an indian husband? Mom? Me? You? Related? Blood?
“maybe you could find a way to do something like that to help you get a car. I am serious. There has got to be people looking for someone to do this. I just don't know if it's legal for them to place an ad anywhere. You should check the www. I may do it myself.”
it’s almost like she’s writing this entry for me.
Thanks, mom.