I'm writing (not writing) a ballad for salad.
It will include the following unfortunate facts:
1. You cannot eat a salad with two hands. This, of course, does not apply to people eating a carb smart version of a sub sandwich wrapped in lettuce instead of bread.
Just kidding, asshole, it DOES apply to you. Why the hell aren't you eating bread?
2. Croutons? More like BOOtons. The only "right" way to snatch up a crouton on your fork is by spooning it. You can't stab it. It will break. You can't spoon with a fork, either.
The guy eating his salad with a spoon is probably sitting next to the guy eating a sandwich with no bread.
3. No matter what you've heard/seen (ahemannegeddes) there is no such thing as a lettuce patch kid.
4. I'm positive that dates are great on salads, but more positive that salad is not great on dates.
There's one, single, solitary thought that goes through all of our heads when someone is trying to cram a large piece of food/oddly shaped piece of food into their mouth.
"How in the world is she going to fit my dick in there?"
1. You cannot eat a salad with two hands. This, of course, does not apply to people eating a carb smart version of a sub sandwich wrapped in lettuce instead of bread.
Just kidding, asshole, it DOES apply to you. Why the hell aren't you eating bread?
2. Croutons? More like BOOtons. The only "right" way to snatch up a crouton on your fork is by spooning it. You can't stab it. It will break. You can't spoon with a fork, either.
The guy eating his salad with a spoon is probably sitting next to the guy eating a sandwich with no bread.
3. No matter what you've heard/seen (ahemannegeddes) there is no such thing as a lettuce patch kid.
4. I'm positive that dates are great on salads, but more positive that salad is not great on dates.
There's one, single, solitary thought that goes through all of our heads when someone is trying to cram a large piece of food/oddly shaped piece of food into their mouth.
"How in the world is she going to fit my dick in there?"