What to do When Your Apartment May or May Not be on Fire
1. Put coat, hat, gloves, scarf, and boots by the door.
2. Charge cellphone.
3. Put on long underwear. Layers!
4. Pee.
5. Comb hair.
6. Pour and consume alcoholic beverage.
7. Interrogate firemen.
8. Unlock door for easy departure/rescue.
9. Twiddle thumbs.
10. Consider putting together a box of important papers.
11. Twiddle thumbs.
12. Stare out window at idling fire truck.
13. Twiddle thumbs.
14. Consider what the fireman meant when he said that you shouldn't be putting on your coat "yet".
15. Put your book near your coat.
16. Watch the fire truck drive away.
17. Wish you knew what the hell was going on.
18. Twiddle your thumbs.
19. Consider doing homework.
20. Consider pouring another drink.
21. Lock door.
22. Return to homework.