and so it ends
New Rule: Stop trying to make your magazine interactive. Time Magazine keeps telling me that if I want to read more about a story, go to their website. Here's a better idea: put the rest of the story in the magazine. You know, like you used to do before the Internet. I know you have a website you're really proud of, but I'm on the toilet.
New Rule: Republicans trolling for airport bathroom sex must shift away from the larger airport hubs and start using smaller regional airports. Getting blown at LAX is such a hassle, you know? Between the traffic and the parking, and after 9/11 they eliminated curbside blowing; that's why whenever I can, I try to get blown at Burbank. It has an old-fashioned small-town feel. It's like having anonymous sex in a Norman Rockwell painting. The only thing it lacks is an international terminal, so if your thing is uncircumcised men, you may want to look elsewhere.
My birthday runneth over with Bill Maher. How scary is that?