To paraphrase...
Dear Stupid:
No matter how many times you ask, no matter how differently you ask me each time, I cannot place a value on your account, because it's against FEDERAL LAW!
So when you ask me how much the account is worth, my answer is "I cannot compute worth."
You would be shocked and amazed at how often I try NOT TO BREAK FEDERAL LAW!
When you ask me how much each individual share is worth, my answer is still "I cannot compute worth."
When you ask me how much the shares were worth when you purchased them, my answer is, ironically, still "I cannot compute worth."
And finally, when you attempt to sneak in the questions about how much the account was worth on a certain date, it should come as no surprise that I magically cannot compute worth. Now, asking for my supervisor, when she works in the same department, under the same rules.... yeah, good luck getting that value, dearie. You could always do what I suggested FOUR QUESTIONS AGO and contact the issuing company. Nahhh.... they wouldn't know anything about how much their OWN STOCK is worth, now would they?
Signed,
Me
No matter how many times you ask, no matter how differently you ask me each time, I cannot place a value on your account, because it's against FEDERAL LAW!
So when you ask me how much the account is worth, my answer is "I cannot compute worth."
You would be shocked and amazed at how often I try NOT TO BREAK FEDERAL LAW!
When you ask me how much each individual share is worth, my answer is still "I cannot compute worth."
When you ask me how much the shares were worth when you purchased them, my answer is, ironically, still "I cannot compute worth."
And finally, when you attempt to sneak in the questions about how much the account was worth on a certain date, it should come as no surprise that I magically cannot compute worth. Now, asking for my supervisor, when she works in the same department, under the same rules.... yeah, good luck getting that value, dearie. You could always do what I suggested FOUR QUESTIONS AGO and contact the issuing company. Nahhh.... they wouldn't know anything about how much their OWN STOCK is worth, now would they?
Signed,
Me