(no subject)
she just left.
i feel... i don't know.
used. like i want to have something and she's already trying to sabotage it. maybe not on purpose.
my stomach hurts over this.
it's the number one thing i say to my friends-- if she won't commit, there's a reason, right? there's something keeping her from doing it?
but here i am, with a girl that won't commit ["allaina... it's... not that i don't want to..."], one way or another.
i just hate this dance we do because we're afraid. i hate that i don't know this dance because i'm tired of feeling like a fake by trying to learn the steps. i'd rather just be straight out with someone, open and honest and communicative in a way that fosters more communication.
but everyone is so afraid of their own feelings, it's like they're all doing this dance in line with all these other people that are alone because they're too afraid to step out and just be real.
she just left and i'm not sure that i'm going to keep this up. i'm attached, she's... kind of obviously not. [i'm hard to love, i've been told. hard to fall for. i'm just not girlfriend material.]
i don't know.
time for something other than this.
i feel... i don't know.
used. like i want to have something and she's already trying to sabotage it. maybe not on purpose.
my stomach hurts over this.
it's the number one thing i say to my friends-- if she won't commit, there's a reason, right? there's something keeping her from doing it?
but here i am, with a girl that won't commit ["allaina... it's... not that i don't want to..."], one way or another.
i just hate this dance we do because we're afraid. i hate that i don't know this dance because i'm tired of feeling like a fake by trying to learn the steps. i'd rather just be straight out with someone, open and honest and communicative in a way that fosters more communication.
but everyone is so afraid of their own feelings, it's like they're all doing this dance in line with all these other people that are alone because they're too afraid to step out and just be real.
she just left and i'm not sure that i'm going to keep this up. i'm attached, she's... kind of obviously not. [i'm hard to love, i've been told. hard to fall for. i'm just not girlfriend material.]
i don't know.
time for something other than this.