(no subject)
i don't really use this thing anymore.
but it's a good outlet, and maybe i should.
i guess realistically i don't have all that much to vent about. i think most of this anxiety and hurt and pissed-off-ness is just this cycle of depression that my fucking brain chemicals have decided to curse me with.
i'm trying not to get attached to this girl. she seems so incredibly casual, like she doesn't really actually have any feelings for me at all. and i'm trying to keep up with that, but i think it's too late and i do care about her too much.
she's right. she did upset me last night. but i'll never tell her that. it's not a big enough deal. i just feel like she's not giving me a fair chance.
she says she thinks trying to do shit long distance is bullshit.
but she's the one who approached me, knowing i live two hours from her. and she's the one who called in the middle of the night and said she wanted to come see me, and then proceeded to do just that.
she also claims that she doesn't believe that anyone's out to do anything but hurt her.
so that's what she thinks i am. she thinks that i'm nice to people simply for my own benefit, and not because it's simply the right thing to do.
some people just have good hearts. that's all there is to it.
and i don't give a flying fuck how conceited this might make me sound, but i am one of those people. i'm not fucking rotten all the way through like so many people; i'm sweet and genuine, i truly care about the welfare of others and would gladly share what i have to help those i care about.
i don't know. part of me wants to get out of this thing right here and now because i'm pretty sure she's going to keep it from working out because finding someone who's just goddamn wonderful will prove her wrong.
fml. i don't know. but it did upset me when she said all of those things.
maybe i am better off alone. if no one spills tells me how they really feel about me, i can pretend i'm important to a few of them, for a few brief seconds, right?
[god, this sounds so melodramatic. i don't mean it to, i just don't know a way of wording it that won't sound this way.]
but it's a good outlet, and maybe i should.
i guess realistically i don't have all that much to vent about. i think most of this anxiety and hurt and pissed-off-ness is just this cycle of depression that my fucking brain chemicals have decided to curse me with.
i'm trying not to get attached to this girl. she seems so incredibly casual, like she doesn't really actually have any feelings for me at all. and i'm trying to keep up with that, but i think it's too late and i do care about her too much.
she's right. she did upset me last night. but i'll never tell her that. it's not a big enough deal. i just feel like she's not giving me a fair chance.
she says she thinks trying to do shit long distance is bullshit.
but she's the one who approached me, knowing i live two hours from her. and she's the one who called in the middle of the night and said she wanted to come see me, and then proceeded to do just that.
she also claims that she doesn't believe that anyone's out to do anything but hurt her.
so that's what she thinks i am. she thinks that i'm nice to people simply for my own benefit, and not because it's simply the right thing to do.
some people just have good hearts. that's all there is to it.
and i don't give a flying fuck how conceited this might make me sound, but i am one of those people. i'm not fucking rotten all the way through like so many people; i'm sweet and genuine, i truly care about the welfare of others and would gladly share what i have to help those i care about.
i don't know. part of me wants to get out of this thing right here and now because i'm pretty sure she's going to keep it from working out because finding someone who's just goddamn wonderful will prove her wrong.
fml. i don't know. but it did upset me when she said all of those things.
maybe i am better off alone. if no one spills tells me how they really feel about me, i can pretend i'm important to a few of them, for a few brief seconds, right?
[god, this sounds so melodramatic. i don't mean it to, i just don't know a way of wording it that won't sound this way.]