At Wit's End
While part of this is a venting in hopes of feeling better, it's also a word of warning to those who have yet to begin the thesis process. It's also an asking for advice.
In order to graduate from my program, you must have a thesis. In order to have a thesis, you must have an adviser. I have been told "No" at every turn, and now, when I have been told "Fine", I find myself in a no-win situation.
Least year, in my second semester, I started my pursuit in a thesis adviser. Before I approached any teachers, I wrote a prospectus on my topic, and had it checked by my Research Practicum class (a discussion course where Grad students share and develop their thesis/research ideas). My thesis idea at the time was a fusion of two fields: Industrial/Organizational Psychology and Counseling Psychology.
I approached Counseling professors, and they said "I'm not familiar with this I/O part, I don't get it, I'm not interested in it." I approached the I/O professors, and they said "I'm not familiar with this Counseling part, I don't get it, I'm not interested in it." Later, I was told that some professors were insulted that I had made my prospectus before finding an adviser and developing my topic, while others felt I had not developed my prospectus enough before approaching them.
I said to myself, "Ok. I'll shelve this idea, and try to just join some research teams, get in with teachers that way." Every teacher I approached had two responses: "Well my research team is just too full right now - these grad students came to work with me" or "I'm sorry, I'm just too busy to do research right now". One teacher started a project, and I started to get in on it, before she dropped the project entirely. Another, beginning to assemble a team, took applications for her research team. I applied, and was not selected.
So I said to myself, "Ok. For my thesis, I will approach professors, and offer to extend research they have previously done." Three professors had put out research I was interested in, I approached them. The first said "Well, I just adopted a kid; I am too busy." The second said, "I'm going on sabbatical next semester, so I cannot." The third said, "That research? I want to distance myself from it, I'm not proud of it and don't want to touch it."
Bare in mind that during this whole process, I have approached professors I've had good rappore with. I've had good grades with these teachers. Others I have had rappore with were adjuncts who left the department.
At this point, I approach the Graduate Adviser, explaining my situation. "Go talk to these two professors." One of those professors, I point out, is the department chair. He also has the most popular program in the department for grad students. He'll just tell me to talk to you. "Well just ask him anyways, it can't hurt." As it turns out, he was busy, and told me to talk to the graduate adviser. The second professor said, "Sorry, I'm advising four undergraduates with independent research studies. Too busy."
I return to the graduate adviser and report my findings. She replies, "I will email the faculty, and see if anyone has any openings." After several weeks, I come to visit her to find the results.
She tells me no one responded. Therefore, since no one will, she will be my adviser. However, because she will only advise something she is versed in, I have to do my thesis on a topic in her field. I know nothing about her field. Not only do I know nothing about her field, but I do not care about her field. Additionally the field is dense, the material feels foreign.
This is is where I am now. She has given me a list of preliminary research to read. As I begin, and I get ideas, the responses to my ideas are, "Regardless of what you decide to explore, make sure that it has some interesting theoretical implications; that is, you need to explain why it would be interesting to gather empirical evidence on a certain phenomenon. For example, does it allow us to test a given theory? does it tell us something about a given psychological process? does it advance our understand of how people do X?" Yes, this makes sense - but I just at this point wish to graduate, and I do not care about adding to the great depth of knowledge or challenging existing parameters.
A thesis takes 9-12 months to complete. It is a long, grueling process of working long hours. One of the counterbalances of burning out is that you care about your topic. You're passionate about it. I am not passionate about this field. I want to do a thesis - but a thesis on something I am both familiar with and interested in!
Right now, every time I sit down to read the literature, I just feel anger and resentment. I resent the material, because I did not choose it, I was forced to do it as a last resort. I feel resentment and anger towards my adviser, because she is the last option, and imposing this uninteresting and dense field. I feel resentment for my department, because at every turn I was told "I'm too busy for you" or "I'm not interested in your topic". It makes me feel utterly ignored and unimportant.
What should I do?
Should I go to the Dean of the Graduate School? The Department Chair knows about the situation, and as shown before, the other faculty in the department have no openings. This adviser is my only option for a thesis. If I go to the Dean, I fear that either 1) she will say "sucks to be you", or 2) she will get on the Phone and Talk to the department head and my adviser, but no good resolution will be found. I'll be in the same situation, and the chair and my adviser resent me going over their heads.
Should I just suck it up and do it? I feel that's what I'm going to have to do in the end, but I don't know what to do about all this anger and resentment. This isn't like a job you don't like - instead of at least getting a paycheck, the reward is graduation 9-12 months down the road. That is a long, long slog doing something charged with this much negative emotion. I can't just quit - I'm already two years into the program, and past reasonable application processes for other schools. Furthermore, I feel that if I continue on this path, that I am going to begin hating my adviser. That I might get rude with her. This isn't her fault.
I feel trapped.
In order to graduate from my program, you must have a thesis. In order to have a thesis, you must have an adviser. I have been told "No" at every turn, and now, when I have been told "Fine", I find myself in a no-win situation.
Least year, in my second semester, I started my pursuit in a thesis adviser. Before I approached any teachers, I wrote a prospectus on my topic, and had it checked by my Research Practicum class (a discussion course where Grad students share and develop their thesis/research ideas). My thesis idea at the time was a fusion of two fields: Industrial/Organizational Psychology and Counseling Psychology.
I approached Counseling professors, and they said "I'm not familiar with this I/O part, I don't get it, I'm not interested in it." I approached the I/O professors, and they said "I'm not familiar with this Counseling part, I don't get it, I'm not interested in it." Later, I was told that some professors were insulted that I had made my prospectus before finding an adviser and developing my topic, while others felt I had not developed my prospectus enough before approaching them.
I said to myself, "Ok. I'll shelve this idea, and try to just join some research teams, get in with teachers that way." Every teacher I approached had two responses: "Well my research team is just too full right now - these grad students came to work with me" or "I'm sorry, I'm just too busy to do research right now". One teacher started a project, and I started to get in on it, before she dropped the project entirely. Another, beginning to assemble a team, took applications for her research team. I applied, and was not selected.
So I said to myself, "Ok. For my thesis, I will approach professors, and offer to extend research they have previously done." Three professors had put out research I was interested in, I approached them. The first said "Well, I just adopted a kid; I am too busy." The second said, "I'm going on sabbatical next semester, so I cannot." The third said, "That research? I want to distance myself from it, I'm not proud of it and don't want to touch it."
Bare in mind that during this whole process, I have approached professors I've had good rappore with. I've had good grades with these teachers. Others I have had rappore with were adjuncts who left the department.
At this point, I approach the Graduate Adviser, explaining my situation. "Go talk to these two professors." One of those professors, I point out, is the department chair. He also has the most popular program in the department for grad students. He'll just tell me to talk to you. "Well just ask him anyways, it can't hurt." As it turns out, he was busy, and told me to talk to the graduate adviser. The second professor said, "Sorry, I'm advising four undergraduates with independent research studies. Too busy."
I return to the graduate adviser and report my findings. She replies, "I will email the faculty, and see if anyone has any openings." After several weeks, I come to visit her to find the results.
She tells me no one responded. Therefore, since no one will, she will be my adviser. However, because she will only advise something she is versed in, I have to do my thesis on a topic in her field. I know nothing about her field. Not only do I know nothing about her field, but I do not care about her field. Additionally the field is dense, the material feels foreign.
This is is where I am now. She has given me a list of preliminary research to read. As I begin, and I get ideas, the responses to my ideas are, "Regardless of what you decide to explore, make sure that it has some interesting theoretical implications; that is, you need to explain why it would be interesting to gather empirical evidence on a certain phenomenon. For example, does it allow us to test a given theory? does it tell us something about a given psychological process? does it advance our understand of how people do X?" Yes, this makes sense - but I just at this point wish to graduate, and I do not care about adding to the great depth of knowledge or challenging existing parameters.
A thesis takes 9-12 months to complete. It is a long, grueling process of working long hours. One of the counterbalances of burning out is that you care about your topic. You're passionate about it. I am not passionate about this field. I want to do a thesis - but a thesis on something I am both familiar with and interested in!
Right now, every time I sit down to read the literature, I just feel anger and resentment. I resent the material, because I did not choose it, I was forced to do it as a last resort. I feel resentment and anger towards my adviser, because she is the last option, and imposing this uninteresting and dense field. I feel resentment for my department, because at every turn I was told "I'm too busy for you" or "I'm not interested in your topic". It makes me feel utterly ignored and unimportant.
What should I do?
Should I go to the Dean of the Graduate School? The Department Chair knows about the situation, and as shown before, the other faculty in the department have no openings. This adviser is my only option for a thesis. If I go to the Dean, I fear that either 1) she will say "sucks to be you", or 2) she will get on the Phone and Talk to the department head and my adviser, but no good resolution will be found. I'll be in the same situation, and the chair and my adviser resent me going over their heads.
Should I just suck it up and do it? I feel that's what I'm going to have to do in the end, but I don't know what to do about all this anger and resentment. This isn't like a job you don't like - instead of at least getting a paycheck, the reward is graduation 9-12 months down the road. That is a long, long slog doing something charged with this much negative emotion. I can't just quit - I'm already two years into the program, and past reasonable application processes for other schools. Furthermore, I feel that if I continue on this path, that I am going to begin hating my adviser. That I might get rude with her. This isn't her fault.
I feel trapped.