Fic: All That I Am (6/17)
Title: All That I Am (6/17)
Author: gradgirl (aka Ali)
Rating: PG-13 (what else?)
Characters/Pairings: Luke/Reid, Casey/Ali, Chris/Katie, appearances from Snyder clan and other OCs
Summary: Luke found almost everything with Reid. Is that enough?
Warnings: Sequel to Almost Everything. So you should read that one first.
Author’s Notes: Thank you taking the journey back into this universe with me. Also a huge thank you to reilaroo for your awesome beta work and slayerkitty for letting me give you presents. Constructive criticism and comments are appreciated. Thank you for reading. ~Ali
Previous Chapters: { Chapter 1} { Chapter 2} { Chapter 3} { Chapter 4} { Chapter 5}
Chapter Six
Casey and Alison made a quick exit soon after Luke and Casey returned from their walk. Reid and Alison had cleaned up from dinner and Luke’s papers were still lying on the coffee table. Luke and Reid stood in the living room for a moment. Neither man knew what to say. Reid wasn’t about to continue the argument from earlier, but he also knew Luke wasn’t going to let this go.
“I’m exhausted,” Reid finally said. He hoped they could just go to bed.
“I’m sure,” Luke commented absent-mindedly. Reid had been in surgery for almost 24-hours, the blonde reasoned, but he knew they would have to discuss this.
The redhead looked at his husband for a few moments. There was so much he wanted say; Reid hadn’t felt this way in awhile, and the last time he did… Well, there was a reason he used to spend hours in his office, avoiding Luke, not wanting to get to know his “husband” better. The older man knew he could easily fall in love with Luke, and he tried to hide from the blonde. Now, he wanted to avoid seeing the pain and hurt in Luke’s eyes when Reid continued to insist they not have children.
Reid let out a breath. “I’m going to bed.”
“Okay,” Luke murmured, and he started to pick up some of the papers he was working on.
“Luke?” Reid’s hand bounced against his leg, getting ready to reach out and take his husband’s hand. But he wasn’t going to break first.
The blonde looked up and gave him a smile. “I have a few things I need to work on for Grimaldi. I’ll be in soon.”
Reid’s tongue darted out and he was about to say something, but he wasn’t certain what. He wasn’t ready to have this conversation, not on too little sleep. Luke’s feelings always seemed to swim in his eyes and since the blonde wasn’t looking at Reid, the older man could only imagine what he would see.
“Luke-”
The younger man quickly closed the distance between himself and his husband. He kept his eyes downcast, and he stuck his hands into the pocket of his pants. He brushed a kiss against Reid’s cheek. “I’ll be in soon, I promise. I just have to finish a report. I know it’s not as glamorous as cutting into people’s brains and restoring eyesight, but-”
“Don’t do that,” Reid insisted, his voice cracked a little. He just wanted to wrap his arms around Luke, take him to their bedroom, and sleep for the next three days. “Don’t act as though you don’t help people.”
Luke finally looked up at Reid, and the redhead saw the fear and hope in his husband’s eyes. He offered a shy smile, and Reid was reminded of how young Luke was when they married. “I love you,” Luke replied.
“I love you back. Now, come to bed.”
The blonde shook his head and his smile deepened. “I still have to work.”
“And it’ll still be there in the morning.”
“Will you?” The words slipped past Luke’s lips quickly, and he wanted to reach out and pull them back in.
“Luke?” The bouncing of his left hand continued.
“Go to bed, Reid,” the younger man said. “You need to rest, and I need to work.”
Reid shook his head, and he gave into his desire to reach for Luke. He gently rubbed his hand up and down Luke’s arm. “Luke…” He didn’t know what else to say at this point, and it hurt so badly. Luke might have left him speechless, but Reid always had something to say. It used to be just to get a rise out of the young man, to push his buttons, to try and figure out if Luke felt even an ounce of what Reid was feeling.
Quickly the blonde brushed his lips against his husband’s mouth. “Don’t push this,” he murmured, hovering close, his breath mixing with Reid’s.
Reid closed his eyes and shoved down all of his arguments. “I’ll be waiting.”
“Don’t.” Luke shook his head, pulling away. “You need to rest.”
“I need my husband.”
The blonde turned, going to pick up his papers again. His gaze was so focused on them as though they held all the secrets to the world.
Reid pushed. It was what he did. He pushed and he fought for everything: to be the best, for his patients, to know everything, to get Luke to love him back. Now the redhead felt the exhaustion of fighting for so long, for being on his feet the better part of the last 24-hours, for saving lives, for being Luke’s husband. With a sigh, the older man turned on his heel and headed towards their bedroom.
Once Luke heard the door close, he let out a shuddering breath. He didn’t want to fight, and he knew that he wasn’t about to lose Reid, but everything was simmering on the surface. All Luke wanted was to run after Reid, crawl into bed, and hold his husband. But would that solve anything? he wondered.
*
Reid went through the motions of getting ready for bed. The whole time he kept looking at the door, waiting for Luke to walk through it. He hadn’t felt this unsure of himself since the night of Noah’s surgery. He had been second-guessing himself, questioning everything. The worst part of all was not being able to hold Luke, not right away, not when he had to be “Noah’s doctor” first, and Luke’s husband second. After that night, Reid quickly realized there never could be a choice. Luke came first.
With a sigh, Reid got into bed. The sheets were a little rumpled, and he doubted that his husband got any more sleep than Reid had. He laid there for a while, determined not to push Luke too far. But he couldn’t sleep without Luke laying next to him either.
Kicking off the covers, the redhead got out of bed and walked into the living room. Luke was sitting on the couch, working. The blonde’s head snapped up. “Reid.”
“I think I need you,” the redhead admitted. “Actually, I know I do.”
The blonde set down his paperwork and stood up. “I need you too.”
Reid quickly closed the gap between them. His hand reached up, cupping Luke’s face in his hand, and the blonde automatically leaned in to his touch. Reid pressed a kiss to Luke’s mouth, and the younger man’s hands sought his husband’s waist, tugging on the T-shirt and pulling him close. Their mouths melded, noses brushed against each other, and hands tried to touch and feel everything.
“I love you back,” Reid said, when he finally breathlessly pulled apart.
Luke nodded his head, a smile tugging at his lips.
The redhead’s hands slid down, taking Luke’s hands in his own, and he slowly walked backwards, leading Luke to their bedroom. The younger man allowed himself to be led. He wasn’t sure what Reid was planning, but he was tired of thinking about everything as well.
When they finally made it to their room, Reid led them to the bed. The back of Luke’s knees hit the bed, and he almost lost his balance, but Reid’s hold on him was tight. Taking the hem of Luke’s shirt in his hands, Reid slowly slid it up, off of Luke’s body. The younger man’s hair mussed, a little more disheveled than it normally was and Reid smiled softly. He pressed a kiss to the blonde’s neck, hovering, his breath teasing the skin, and then he pressed another warm kiss. Reid’s hands reached down, unbuttoning Luke’s pants, the only sound was their breathing. With a tug, Luke’s pants were down. Reid pushed him softly, and the younger man sat on the bed. Reid’s gaze held Luke’s when he knelt and took off his husband’s pants, shoes, and socks. He pushed again, and Luke was laying back against the bed. Reid stood up, grabbed a T-shirt, and tossed it to Luke.
The blonde smiled to himself. No one ever saw this side to Reid, the wonderful man who always took care of him. Luke pulled the shirt on and crawled underneath the sheets. The redhead set the alarm, turned off the lights, and followed his husband to bed.
Spooning up behind Luke, Reid wrapped his arms around his husband’s waist, his nose burrowed into the blonde’s neck. He pressed a few kisses on his husband’s shoulder.
Luke sighed, his hands reaching for Reid, intertwining their fingers.
“Did you sleep at all last night?” the redhead murmured, his breath hitting Luke’s shoulder.
The younger man shook his head. “A little. I missed you. More than that…” his voice trailed off and he closed his eyes, focusing on the feel of Reid surrounding him.
“What?” the redhead murmured.
Luke turned in the circle of Reid’s arms. He pressed a kiss to Reid’s mouth. “Casey asked if we were going to break up.”
The older man pulled away slightly, so he could look into Luke’s eyes. It was difficult in the dark, but he knew the expression on his husband’s face, even if Reid couldn’t see him clearly. “What did you say?”
Luke shifted in surprise. “You think I’d walk away from you?” However, he had asked his husband that very question earlier.
“I want forever with you,” Reid noted.
“I used to…” his voice trailed off, and he started to run his finger down Reid’s chest. “Noah and I used to talk about forever. We thought that we loved each other and that would be enough.”
It took Reid everything in him not to push further away and get out of the bed. “I hate that you would bring Noah into this conversation and especially our bed.”
“Hey, hey,” Luke murmured, reaching for Reid, running his hand up and down the redhead’s back. “You know, without Noah, we never would have met. And what I meant was…” He closed his eyes when he felt Reid’s hand on his hip, assuring both of them that they were here. “Reid, I grew up watching my parents make up and break up. They were so young when they met, like Noah and I. And when you’re that young, you think its forever, no matter what we went through, it was…” He laughed mirthlessly. “It was only supposed to bring us closer and then Noah’s accident happened.”
“It’s not your fault,” Reid said automatically. It still killed him, the guilt that his husband had carried with him, the pain he had gone through, the weight of everything because Luke was blamed for Noah’s accident. Even after all this time, Reid never forgave Noah for that.
“I know it’s not my fault,” Luke assured him. “You taught me that. It started the day of Noah’s surgery, your words kept me sane the whole time he was in surgery.”
I’m going to tell you something, and I want you to listen. I want you to believe what I have to say.
“It was an accident,” Reid said quietly.
“Yeah, but there was a lot of hurt and anger, and no matter what I did, it wasn’t enough. And then…” He leaned closer, his forehead resting against Reid’s. “Noah found you, this miracle worker, Dr. Oliver.”
Reid chuckled softly. “I’ll have to put that on my business cards.”
Luke found himself laughing in return. He was so glad to be here, sharing a laugh, holding his husband. After last night, he was worried that they wouldn’t return to them-to who they were-so quickly. “Yes, and I thought it would be so simple. I’d just call you up and then you’d come.”
“I’m at no one’s beck and call.”
“I know. You made sure I knew that. And I had to blackmail you…” Luke shook his head, and he couldn’t meet Reid’s gaze. He hated that part of their history, but he couldn’t regret what his actions had done, how it had brought Reid to Oakdale and to him. “I used to think that you brought out the worst in me, the Grimaldi side, those parts that I wanted to keep hidden.”
“Weren’t you the one who came to me with a ‘business proposition’ in the form of a marriage proposal? And I don’t care about whatever you think you did. Luke, I love all of you.”
Luke knew he shouldn’t, he knew they were in a good place, but he had to ask as well. “Do you love the part of me that wants to have kids?”
Reid groaned. “Luke….”
The blonde rubbed soothing circles across his husband’s back. “We don’t have to talk about it any more tonight, but I do want to talk about this.”
===========================
Thank you for coming back and reading. Sort of a quiet chapter as the boys are still trying to work this all out. Happy Thanksgiving! I hope you’re able to spend it with people you love. And happy belated birthday sleeper6! ~Ali
Onto Chapter Seven....